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| I got 30-1 odds on this happening again. You? Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Off the board: Bruno Sammartino, Ivan Koloff, Pedro Morales, Billy Graham, Bob Backlund, the Iron Sheik, Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Sgt. Slaughter, Ric Flair, Bret Hart, Kevin Nash, Sid, Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, JBL, Rob Van Dam, Edge, Randy Orton and Jeff Hardy - Sammartino wants nothing to do with WWE. Koloff, Morales, Sheik and Slaughter are too damn old. Backlund is too out of left field. Warrior is a fucking lunatic. Hogan, Van Dam, Angle and Hardy work for TNA. Graham, Hart and Edge are too hurt. Nash might be tempting, but I doubt he's in another ladder match six months after his one with Triple H. Something tells me Sid's appearance last week was a one-off. Michaels isn't breaking his sacred retirement for a throwaway ladder match appearance. Orton is suspended. JBL will be off climbing mountains. Flair is still recuperating from getting his ass kicked by his wife. Finally, no way Austin puts his surgically repaired neck on the line in a fucking ladder match. Did I cover everyone? Yeah? Okay, let's do this.
Vince McMahon Odds: 1 x 1010 to 1 - Just checking to see if you're awake and doing my due diligence. After all, he IS a former WWE Champion.
Triple H Odds: 1,000,000 to 1 - Me from 2004 wouldn't put it past COO/Executive Vice President Triple H to insert himself into a match with the desire to win yet another Championship in his semi-retired state. Me from 2012 is a little less cynical though. I have to put him here because he is a former WWE Champion and does have a storyline going. That being said, only a very specific, very unlikely chain of events would land him in a position where he'd be using his briefcase to cash in, namely, Brock Lesnar being granted a WWE Championship match and winning between now and SummerSlam.
Undertaker Odds: 1,000 to 1 - Another name for due diligence, Taker seems like the kind of guy who will be content to come out, look for his shadow and if he sees it, it'll be six more weeks of WrestleMania build for his streak match. Highly surprising if he competes here.
Mick Foley Odds: 750 to 1 - Foley is good, but he's also good and insane too. That's why I would never put it past him to get inserted into a match where he falls off things and nearly kills himself. That being said, would WWE put him in such a match? I'm not sure they would.
The Rock Odds: 500 to 1 - Remember after WrestleMania when The Rock said he was going to be at Mania XXIX and be challenging for the WWE Championship? Yeah, good times were had by all, but we all assumed that it would be via him winning the Royal Rumble and then cashing in on whomever it was holding the title. Most presumed it'd be Brock Lesnar, but a rematch with John Cena or another dream match scenario against, say, CM Punk wouldn't be ruled out either. Then again, there's always that chance he becomes the CM Punk Pipe Bomb-like trope that adds the same kind of buzz to this year's event that the former added last year. I doubt it'll happen, but stranger things have happened.
Batista Odds: 350 to 1 - I want Big Dave back in WWE, and so do a few other people whose opinions I respect on wrestling. That being said, dude's doing movies now that his MMA career is dead in the water. I think he would come back if WWE asked him and the price was right, but I get the feeling that the odds are long for that series of events to line up. Still, it would rule to see him Batista-bomb John Cena straight to hell for sending him out of WWE though, wouldn't it?
The Miz Odds: 250 to 1 - Miz is off being the third iteration of The Marine right now, but whether filming is ahead, behind or on schedule, a one-night reprieve (or an end to it segueing into a comeback) is not out of the equation here. I think him coming back and winning would be sort of a long shot, but hey, any Miz is good Miz from here on out.
Loser of a Potential Sheamus/Alberto del Rio Match for the World Championship Odds: 150 to 1 - Both of these men have held the WWE Championship, so they're both technically eligible for this match. Truthfully, I'd like to see both of them in it, titleholding be damned, because wouldn't it be awesome if someone tried to unify the belts via Money in the Bank cash in? That would be the most post-1997 WWE thing ever.
Chris Jericho Odds: 100 to 1 - Finally, we're into the people who are actually announced for this match! Jericho has the longest odds in my estimation because I feel like his future is the most uncertain. We don't know if he's sticking around after SummerSlam or if he's leaving to tour again or planning on kicking another country's flag again. With that uncertainty pervading, it would take a lot for me to believe that he's winning the briefcase, unless he does a same-night cash in before dropping the title to someone else before leaving at SummerSlam. Stranger things have happened.
Rey Mysterio Odds: 75 to 1 - Mysterio is reportedly ready to come back, and I'm pretty sure his Wellness suspension is up in time for the event. While personally, I'd rather see him wait until after Cena wins the briefcase, come out to shake his hand, only to turn heel by viciously beating the shit out of him (and he'd be justified too because holy shit, Cena cut short his WWE Championship reign by wrestling him an hour or so after he bested Miz in a grueling affair for the title), there's no such thing as a match made worse for Rey's presence. Still, given his injury-prone nature, I'm not sure that this would be the best spot for his return.
Kane Odds: 30 to 1 - Kane has been in the WWE Championship picture as recently as last week, so his odds should be lower than this, right? Well, yeah, except there are a few other options that are way more predictable than having Kane win his second briefcase in three years.
Brock Lesnar Odds: 15 to 1 - Remember that scenario I laid out a couple of entries ago? The one where Rocky is wrestling for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania? If the opponent is Lesnar (and it should be Lesnar, fuck you), then this is the most logical starting point. Granted, no one would ever question Brock getting a title shot after he's done with Triple H, but the slimy, slithering, "take all shortcuts even though I don't have to" character he's running with BEGS for him to take hold of a briefcase.
The Big Show Odds: 5 to 1 - The kid inside of me says that Big Show should win the briefcase and then the title because he's the biggest and strongest and baldest.
John Cena Odds: 2 to 1 - Okay, so by now, everyone and their mother has been clamoring for someone to take the briefcase, cash in and fail. It's the one thing that needs to happen to keep the briefcase fresh, unpredictable. Anyone on this list could win this match and fail on their cash in, but at the same time, wouldn't it be a propos for Cena to be the one who fails? It would fit in nicely with his oeuvre this year. He ruined Zack Ryder's relationship with Eve and (temporarily) lost his friendship. He couldn't best Rocky at Mania. He got his ass handed to him by Lesnar at Extreme Rules and only won via a fluke. There are chinks in the armor coming out left and right, and if this is to be a year of rebuilding, of reckoning, of change for Cena, then he has to win and he has to squander the cash in. Of course, this only means he'll win and successfully cash in on Daniel Bryan later on in the night, but hey, let's wait to spew our rage at WWE until/if it happens, okay?
