So yeah, was Smackdown on tonight, or was this a fucking RAW recap show? Seriously, RAW went to three hours and nothing happens on the show, so now we need two hours on Friday to recap the spillover of the nothing that happens? I see. Well, on the plus side, we did get some good wrestling in between recaps.
Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus started out infuriatingly enough with our World Champion continuing to act like a giant pejorative-term-for-the-female-reproductive-organ. No, it wasn't just the fact that he was putting over Triple H to start, but the whole "you have no life if you're learned" implication was, to me, a bit insulting. I'm supposed to root for this galoot? I took great pride in seeing Sandow beat the shit out of him during the heat portion of their match, which was excellent by the by.
Cody Rhodes/Rey Mysterio and Dolph Ziggler/Randy Orton were both good enough as well, although the wrong person won the latter match. Ah, I guess expecting Orton to lose is a lost cause these days. The angle attached to the former match seemed to be stalling, but then again, it was a nice touch to see Sin Cara masking Cody Rhodes. Almost a reverse bagging.
I'm glad to see they're doing things with the women and tag teams as well. I have to give Kaitlyn props; that ankle sweep she took on the floor from Nattie Neidhart was fearless. The tag team stuff was refreshing to see as well, as they're finally building a division. Now, if only they'll go the extra mile and do a bit more instead of recapping shit from RAW en masse, even if it is wholly entertaining like the anger management stuff was.
Banner by K. Sawyer Paul
Friday, August 31, 2012
The First Round for King of Trios Is Set
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| Graphics Credit for both pics: ChikaraPro.com |
Well, the entire first round slate for King of Trios '12 has been announced with the final two tilts coming today. In the first one, Team ROH has the misfortune of being paired with the Faces of Pain. If I were the Young Bucks, I wouldn't tag in at all and let Mike Bennett get tossed around the ring by the Powers of Pain. There really is no good option here either, because who wants to screw with Meng? No one sane, that's who. Los Campeones de Parejas don't strike me as mental cases or dummies.
The second matchup is interesting because on one side of the ring is Team Extreme, and on the other, underneath the jockstrap, is the twerp whom they all chased to some degree for the ECW Championship for months upon months. Hell, Tommy Dreamer was the guy Aldo Montoya's unmasked alter ego blindsided for the title moments after he beat a WWF-bound Taz for it. I wonder if the ECW alums will put two and two together here...
Kurt Angle Is Stuck in the Past
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| Not a good wrestler Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com |
The thing about "epic" is that it's a relative term, and things only feel important when they're presented as important. If Angle and his opponent are kicking out of supposed finishers in every match, then are those moves really "finishers?" The whole point of having a finisher is that it ends the match, so if no move ends the match, then there's no point in selling anything in a Kurt Angle match as something potentially and relatively fatal. In all honesty, I wouldn't mind the elimination of a singular finishing move in a wrestler's repertoire, but that's neither here nor there. The construct exists in nearly every wrestling promotion on this side of the Pacific for the sole reason that it's a signpost for the fans to react.
When Angle is the only one in the company who engages in this kind of lack of psychology, he's not being innovative. He's remaining stuck at the turn of the century, when all the "good" wrestlers tried to ape ECW main event tropes. Every Kurt Angle match that I see seems to go on for at least two minutes longer than it should. I also hate being "that guy" when it comes to how much a move should hurt, but the fact that the rolling German suplexes are used merely as a transitional move instead of a murder-death-kill finisher still annoys the piss out of me. It's one thing to have a guy kick out of one German, but that move plants someone on their head and neck WITH AUTHORITAH three times. How is that trauma not going to knock someone prone, but every other non-piledriver finisher will? The Olympic Slam on its own is a fine move, but after three Germans, it looks like a wristlock.
No, Kurt Angle isn't the only overindulgent wrestler out there, but I do think that Angle is the biggest culprit, even more so than a guy like, I don't know, Davey Richards. I've seen Richards in the midcard or in PWG go out and wrestle a well-paced, "different" style match from his masturbatory ROH-vs.-Eddie Edwards-or-Roderick Strong stuff. I'm not sure I've seen Angle scale his grandiosity back since before WWE got the F out, regardless of card position. There are times when this kind of scale is warranted. When you wrestle the same match all the time though, you become a parody of a wrestler.
The amazing thing is that fans still react to him like he's this awesome, transcendental in-ring guy. I don't know if they're forcing themselves to react this way or whether there's a double standard here or whatever. I'm not sure I care either. I guess if Angle is getting his props, then he shouldn't change his ways. However, just because what he does works on the crowd doesn't make it good. If only quality drew, then Michael Bay would be homeless, Nickelback would be a bar band in Winnipeg and Bryan Alvarez would have a blog read by dozens instead of a paying job and the respect of a community. At this point in his career, Kurt Angle is wrestling's Nickelback, and that's not a good thing.
Mia Yim Signs with REINA, Will Wrestle in Japan Full-Time
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| Yim giving Greg Excellent the what for Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
Mia Yim, rising star on the indie scene in America, will be following in the footsteps of Hailey Hatred and Jenny Rose/Jamila Craft as she has signed an exclusive deal with REINA in Japan. Yim, via her Twitter, will honor all her remaining dates through September in America, which includes a huge match at Absolute Intense Wrestling's Point Break against Veda Scott and the next SHINE iPPV event. The report says that she turned down an offer from "one of the two major wrestling organizations", and the chatter is the rejected party was Impact Wrestling.
Yim made a name for herself in Combat Zone Wrestling, SHIMMER and especially AIW through her series of matches with Allysin Kay this year in the Girls Night Out brand. She also appeared in Ring of Honor as a valet for the Embassy, only recently getting to wrestle instead of just accompany. No doubt this is a severe loss for the American wrestling scene. In her short career thus far, I'd argue Yim is already one of the top in-ring wrestlers in the country. However, Japan is what she wants, and there's no doubt that the scene for women is far better over there than it is over here.
I wish Yim nothing but the best and hope she makes cameo appearances stateside like Hatred and Rose have been doing, especially this year.
Say Hello to California Island: 2012 PWG Battle of Los Angeles Preview
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| Callihan is set to split California in twain with Mack Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
This field is not created equal though. Sixteen men will enter, but realistically, only a few have a chance to win. Apologies to Michael Elgin, Drake Younger, Adam Cole, Kyle O'Reilly, Ricochet, Sami Callihan, TJ Perkins, B-Boy and even Roderick Strong, but you guys aren't winning. In fact, I'd venture to say Joey Ryan, Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards also aren't winning this thing either. It comes down as to whether they want to solidify an established guy or elevate someone homegrown with a huge tournament win. That leaves four choices: Kevin Steen, El Generico, Brian Cage or Willie Mack. In fact, I would even whittle it down further. See, Steen needs a new challenger for his PWG World Championship. They could do Generico again, but he won last year, and his feud with Steen has run its course. Steen won't win, because he's already beaten both Mack and Cage in title matches, and a rubber match at their year end event or sooner would probably be, as the kids might say, the tits. So that leaves Cage or Mack. Mack or Cage.
Then again, focusing on winning is missing the point of a PWG event. So often with those crazy SoCal folks, it's never about who wins and loses but about how many times dudes go into the apron. Err, I mean about how good the matches are. All eight first round matches have been announced, and there is not a stinker among them on paper. As I've stated before on here, Mack/Callihan is a match that gets my fan-boner all chubbed up and ready to engage. That is a hoss fight, and if you think WWE hoss fights are good, well PWG hoss fights always have the potential to split California from North America right at the San Andreas fault. This is not a bad thing unless you happen to live on the faultline. If that's the case, I'm sorry, but your home and belongings are collateral damage to great wrestling. You will have been rendered homeless for the good of humanity.
Cole taking on Generico ought to be a match of the year candidate as well for different reasons. This year has been kind to Cole, excepting the amateur dentistry done to him by his former-tag-partner-in-ROH-only O'Reilly. Generico may be the best wrestler in America in terms of in-ring ability, or at the very least second best after the aforementioned former-Danielson. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the main event of night one, unless Steen throwing around Ricochet like it was a game of violent pinball takes precedence. Because, y'know, Steen's the Champ.
The sleeper for match of the night for me though is Younger/Strong. We know what Roddy can do, and he always seems to be better in Reseda than he is in the various arenas Ring of Honor plays. Younger is someone who has just recently hit the West Coast, but he's done so in amazing fashion. He's a relative unknown to the non-death match community, but I've seen him go to work in Chikara, and he was damn good there. I think this will be every bit as hard-hitting as any match in PWG history, and if anyone can get into stiff-fests with a guy like Younger, it's Strong. We bag on him a lot, but let's not forget that it was against Strong that Mack broke out huge on the scene. There's something to be said about the right opponent at the right time.
The bracket structure for the rest of the tournament has not been revealed yet, so picking winners past the first round might be an exercise in futility. Still, the tournament isn't the only thing happening on that second night. I would fully expect the Tag Team Champions, the Super Smash Brothers, to make an appearance. Will they defend against the Young Bucks again? Maybe they'll go up against the RockNES Monsters and cause a rogue wildfire to break out somewhere in the hills. However, the main thing is still going to be crowning a winner to this tourney.
And that brings us to the eternal question. Will it be Willie Mack, or is it going to be Brian Cage? Mack was in the main event scene for longer, but Cage is the hotter property right now, at least domestically. If I were a betting man, I might be inclined to say Mack is going to win the whole thing. Then again, it'd be foolish to bet on something worked like wrestling. And either way, everyone knows that all 15 tournament matches will have the potential to be awesome. Isn't that what matters most?
Guys, Maybe Santino Is Supposed to Be a Moron
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| Not the brightest, and that's okay Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The popular logic to Santino Marella's Cobra becoming smitten with Aksana is that he should take the goddamn sock off. Obviously, for people like you and I, that's a feasible answer to a burgeoning problem. However, you and I aren't morons. Santino Marella, the character that is (why do I feel the need to specify this?), has the brainpower of a banana slug though. I mean, I don't feel like I need to run his history down for anyone. He's so popular with WWE crowds because he's a lovable idiot. I will stop short of saying that's why most crowds identify with him, because that would be pretty mean, and I'm not mean. Am I guys? AM I?
I know we like to point out simple, real world solutions to WWE problems, and a lot of times, we're justified in that. The fact that everyone falls for the "hey, the music for the guy I'm feuding with is playing, LET ME TURN AROUND!" is fucking shameful. However, the fact that a guy who has an occasional moment of clarity only when he puts on a Sherlock Holmes hat can't process the fact that his snake sock puppet only has motor skills when he has it on his arm shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Nor should it.
A great show has a cast of characters. If all of them are smart, then it's annoying. If all of them are dumb, well, then you're watching Jersey Shore. So maybe everyone can be stupid. Then again, on a wrestling show, it's best to have a wide variety of intellects. Let CM Punk and John Cena have to figure out how to solve problems. Let Marella be the guy wearing the dunce cap making people laugh.
Seriously, he's damn good at it.
Friday Five: Occupational Gimmicks
In honor of Labor Day!
1. All the WWE's occupational gimmicks of the '90s were bad, but which one was your favorite even ironically?
2. Buy or sell: Duke "The Dumpster" Droese would have worked as a gimmick if he were a homeless guy living in a dumpster rather than a legit trash man.
3. What wrestler from that era was better than the gimmick given to him?
4. Buy or sell 2: The occupational gimmicks of the WWF that flopped would probably be highly successful in Chikara or Interspecies Wrestling today.
5. What occupational gimmick would you like to see tried today?
1. All the WWE's occupational gimmicks of the '90s were bad, but which one was your favorite even ironically?
2. Buy or sell: Duke "The Dumpster" Droese would have worked as a gimmick if he were a homeless guy living in a dumpster rather than a legit trash man.
3. What wrestler from that era was better than the gimmick given to him?
4. Buy or sell 2: The occupational gimmicks of the WWF that flopped would probably be highly successful in Chikara or Interspecies Wrestling today.
5. What occupational gimmick would you like to see tried today?
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Instant Feedback: Haha, He Put His Mask On in the Ring
Impact seems to be in a holding pattern right now. Almost nothing was advanced except the Bound for Glory series, which really has to finish up in the next few weeks. Things really haven't advanced since the last PPV either. This whole month is really exposing that the creative staff still has some deficiencies.
Honestly, the Aces and Eights stuff is forgivable, but there was one moment when the guy who looked a little like Kazarian put his mask that I thought was just sloppy and funny. It feels like we're going to get a reveal on one of the members at No Surrender, but when every show is a clusterfuck ending, it can get tiring.
What isn't forgivable is that we're still in the same rut with the Joey Ryan stuff. This has the potential to be a great story, but it only seems to be advanced during Gut Checks. If this angle is going to be going on for a long time, then there has to be some way for Ryan to get his shots in on Taz and Al Snow outside of the Gut Check segments (which at this point are proving to be more and more pointless anyway).
The sad thing is that the story progressing the most on the show happens to be the feud between Madison Rayne and a referee (Taryn Terrell). It also puts on blast how bad an authority figure Brooke Hogan is. Seriously, nepotism is baaaad. Just a flat episode tonight saved only by Joseph Park, Eric Young and an awesome match between Samoa Joe and AJ Styles.
Honestly, the Aces and Eights stuff is forgivable, but there was one moment when the guy who looked a little like Kazarian put his mask that I thought was just sloppy and funny. It feels like we're going to get a reveal on one of the members at No Surrender, but when every show is a clusterfuck ending, it can get tiring.
What isn't forgivable is that we're still in the same rut with the Joey Ryan stuff. This has the potential to be a great story, but it only seems to be advanced during Gut Checks. If this angle is going to be going on for a long time, then there has to be some way for Ryan to get his shots in on Taz and Al Snow outside of the Gut Check segments (which at this point are proving to be more and more pointless anyway).
The sad thing is that the story progressing the most on the show happens to be the feud between Madison Rayne and a referee (Taryn Terrell). It also puts on blast how bad an authority figure Brooke Hogan is. Seriously, nepotism is baaaad. Just a flat episode tonight saved only by Joseph Park, Eric Young and an awesome match between Samoa Joe and AJ Styles.
Where Did AJ Lee Go Wrong? Oh Yeah, She's Just a Midcarder
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| Why is AJ just like every other GM? Photo Credit: WWE.com |
The real problem is that we're in a holding pattern with AJ. I mentioned it yesterday (should've been last week, but that's what happens when you write blogs on Tuesday you mean to publish Thursday but get too busy to the point you post the next Monday), since becoming GM, Ms. Lee has not lived up to expectation. I don't blame her, per se, because she's not been given the best material to work with. It's almost been completely from the creative end from where I sit, because Lee has been hitting the notes on her end.
So what we have here is yet another example of WWE taking a character arc that they had actually done right by and then retrofitted it into just another authority figure. I defended Lee getting the GM character from jump, even though she "didn't have experience" (as if that's ever stopped Vince McMahon before, Jesus) because I thought it would be a new twist on the position and a way to keep her fresh without giving away her competing in the women's division while it still needed to be built. Of course, asking anyone to expect WWE to reverse field and do something they hadn't done in awhile is the definition of insanity. We should have seen this coming from a mile away.
So really, it all comes down to whether WWE can evolve and move past this before we expect them to develop characters in all facets that have more than one dimension rather than acting like mindless, computer-AI automatons that they're scripted as. It might seem trivial to complain about what might become a throwaway segment, but that's the whole fucking thing. Why treat a segment that doesn't involve Triple H, John Cena or CM Punk as a throwaway? That's how it feels to me.
Not everyone is going to get over huge obviously. This isn't some hardcore fan fantasy train of thought where everyone is going to get over huge when they all beat each other clean all the time and never lose or whatever universe-collapsing thinking the stereotypical fan (who doesn't exist, by the by) thinks. However, it wouldn't hurt if they had strong characters who not only won and were pushed, but actually stood out from their peers, past and present, in ways that would make them unique.
It's not a new complaint either, but hey, I guess it keeps me busy trying to find new ways to say the same damn thing. In a way, WWE is making me and other commentators be more creative than their own writers. You can't make this shit up.
COMMENT BAIT: Wrestling Dreams
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| "Me, blonde? Look at Mickie's finger to get my response." Photo Credit: Wayne Palmer/DDS |
Every time del Rey's and Summerlyn's NXT-ified names were mentioned, I blanked out and ended up not finding them out. I actually remember saying during the dream that I promised not to post it as news on The Wrestling Blog. The Rock was somehow involved too, but it was later on in the dream and I forget what happened after their garbled names were announced. I think he might have ended up being murdered? I don't know. The point is, Sara del Rey is now blonde in my dream world, and I don't know her new name.
So, I throw this question out to you, my loyal readers. Have you ever had a wrestling related dream that you remember? If so, leave your story in the comments or on Twitter @tholzerman.
It's Sunny Out with a Chance of Yappapi Strap Matches, Brother
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| Screen Grab Credit: Don Povia/Hugging Harold Reynolds |
I don't know what Hulkamania Weather actually entails, but I'm sure you're not ready for it, brother.
This Week in Off-Topic: TWB's 2012 NFL Preview Extravaganza!
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| Will a beleaguered Eagles defense rebound in 2012? Photo Credit: Patrick McDermott/Getty Images |
1. Did Michael Vick REALLY say the Eagles were a dynasty in the making?
He actually didn't. He actually said that the team could become a dynasty, but the words were taken out of context. Here's the thing though; he shouldn't have said it anyway because that's what sportswriters do. They take words out of context and give the fans red meat to mock players. I wouldn't have it any other way, for what it's worth, because if it were Eli Manning or ESPECIALLY Tony Romo, I'd have been all over it like stink on shit.
The funny part is that Vick could very well be right. The Eagles on paper are kinda loaded. However, there are three major question marks. One, how is the team going to replace Jason Peters with King Dunlap and be able to maintain a semblance of protection? Two, how do we know the additions on defense are going to help rather than hurt? Three, can Vick stay healthy to be able to make those guarantees come true? I don't know about one and three, but two I feel good about. Last year, the Eagles added nothing but cornerbacks and defensive linemen, and boom, they got gashed over the middle by running backs and tight ends. They answered that call by trading Asante Samuel, but by picking up DeMeco Ryans and Mychal Kendricks at linebacker and getting Fletcher Cox for the middle of the defensive line. I mean, barring injury, that defense looks like it could be one of the best in the NFL this year. I'm really excited for this team, at least until January rolls around.
2. What kind of impact are these replacement officials going to have on the regular season?
A bad one, that's for damn sure. Year in and year out, it's ritual to complain about the officiating and for good reason. By and large, the NFL's crews oftentimes screw up, whether on something as minor as a missed pass interference or something major like giving a coin toss that the Steelers won to the Lions, leading to a controversial win for the home Thanksgiving team. I don't know whether they're good or bad on the whole, but regardless of anything else, it's hard to expect a crew to be good at their jobs when none of them are hired full-time. How the referees can have a union despite being part-time employees strikes me as a bit odd, but hey, more power to them. It would be like McDonalds fry cooks having a union, and while we get pissed off at said fry cooks or cashiers or whomever for screwing up our orders, it's a fleeting anger. We know deep down that these teenagers are part-timers who don't give a shit because this isn't their full-time career (hopefully).
That being said, the job of a NFL official is a lot more of a career than working at a fast food restaurant. I don't blame them for wanting to be full-time employees of a league that makes more money than they know what to do with. Seriously, the NFL is big fucking business. Add that to the fact that these owners are fielding teams playing in stadiums that are mostly funded publicly, and there's no reason why some of those funds can't be diverted to making the refs happy. I mean, integrity of the game is paramount, right?
So, instead of having the optimum this season because the owners are cheap bastards who want to wipe their asses with Benjamins instead of Jacksons or Grants, we're going to go into the season with temps basically. If the preseason was any indication, then all that bitching and moaning we'd normally do about how the refs don't do their jobs right is going to seem like a halcyon era of golden officiating and perfect interpretation of the rules. There are going to be egregious errors the likes of which that will make even the worst calls from the regular officials look like a missed offside. It would be an upset if we got the status quo, and that's not an exaggeration.
3. Which 13-3 and better team last year is going to make a regression to the mean?
There are a couple of candidates here. First are the San Francisco 49ers. Bill Barnwell over at Grantland wrote a pretty good piece on why the Niners might not dominate like they did last year, and it made a lot of sense given how much broke San Fran's way that won't do the same this year.
However, I think if any team is going to buck the trend and dominate again next year, it's gotta be one that plays in the NFC West, right? I mean, the Seahawks are starting a rookie at quarterback, and not even one drafted in the high first round given the keys to the kingdom. If anything, Matt Flynn was supposed to be where Russell Wilson is, and given the money that the 'Hawks paid to the former Packers' backup, he'll be breathing down Wilson's neck the moment he screws up. That's not a recipe for success. Then again, it's an infinitely better situation than what's going on in Arizona. John Skelton and Kevin Kolb make Flynn and Russell look like Joe Montana and Steve Young. The Niners could lose three more games than they did last year and still win that division by three games.
The Patriots are a candidate for regression too, but again, there is no one in that division who can pose a threat to them right now. Buffalo is trying to get there, and they have the defensive playmakers to do so. However, one of them is Mario Williams, who has had trouble staying on the field the last two seasons. Also, their offense may not be as good as you might be led to believe by the contracts paid by the team to keep the core together. I think Fred Jackson is the truth, but everyone else on that unit, from showboatin' Stevie Johnson down to Mr. Ivy League himself Ryan Fitzpatrick, bears significant question marks. IF they can't sustain drives, then all the playmakers in the world won't be able to keep that defense fresh. The Jets are non-contenders, and the Dolphins might actually be good this year. Barnwell wrote a piece on them on why they underachieved last year and how their luck in close games could mean they turn it around this year. Still though, it'd be a stretch for me to think they can compete with New England.
So, that leaves the Saints and Packers. I don't think New Orleans is going to be that bad this year, but the uncertainty of having a head coach, defensive coaches and several players sitting out is going to bring their win total down. The Packers are another team that will almost certainly regress. One-loss regular seasons don't happen in consecutive years. There's just too much uncertainty going on. In fact, I'm not sure they're going to win their division...
4. So you think Detroit wins the NFC North?
Nope, it's Da Bears. There is just too little discipline on that team for them to make the leap this year. There's talent there obviously, but they won a lot of close games coming from behind last year and they got a healthy season from Matthew Stafford for the first time ever. He's already hurt his hand in the preseason. This team also has no secondary and no running game, so they're going to have to win in a lot of shootouts. That's not a recipe for success, especially given that 5000 yard passers aren't rare anymore. Also, I would not be surprised to see them lose a game or two because one of their defensive linemen takes a boneheaded personal foul out of frustration.
Meanwhile, the Bears went out and got two offensive weapons to add to their team in Brandon Marshall and Michael Bush. Matt Forte got paid. Jay Cutler is still Jay Cutler, which by no means is a bad thing. Yeah, their defense is a bid old and banged up, but they may have the best total unit in the division. The Packers did add some players, but as the Eagles showed last year, sometimes, adding players isn't enough. The playoffs may be a different story, but in the regular season, it's Chicago.
5. Peyton Manning returns to action this year in a league where it's even easier to pass than it was in his Super Bowl year. Is he enough to put the Broncos over the top?
In theory it should be. Peyton Manning replacing Tim Tebow at quarterback would be like a lady trading in Michael Moore for Alexander Skarsgard. Well, that comes with a huge rider. A healthy Manning would be a huge come up. If he's basically Chad Pennington with a better pedigree and more oblong head, he's still an improvement over Tebow, but not by as large a margin. I guess think Sean Connery right now instead of Skarsgard (or Connery in his prime). That injury is scary though. Manning has looked okay in the preseason, but if he doesn't have his arm strength back because of the neck weakness, then the Broncos are going to struggle to put points on the board. Remember, running the ball and the dinks and dunks control the clock, but big time offenses rely on big time arms. Stafford, Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Michael Vick and even brother Eli can throw the deep ball, and so those offenses score points.
Even their receivers aren't conducive to that kind of YAC-production that makes up for a potential shortened range on throws. Demariyus Thomas is the best deep threat they have, but the guy basically is running sandlot ball out there. He doesn't run crisp routes. That's great for Tebow, who plays like a dude stuck in the playground, but Manning throws to spots, not to receivers. Eric Decker, the guy who will more than likely thrive because of Manning's presence, is a poor man's Wes Welker. Manning taking that team to the next level is not the slam dunk that you might be led to believe.
6. Speaking of Tebow, are you annoyed by ESPN's coverage of him already?
I am not because I don't watch ESPN. Zing! Seriously though, we're all waiting for the Tebow train to derail because he represents everything wrong with sports coverage nowadays. He's a cult of personality, but he's actually devoid of the kind of talent needed to carry that kind of celebrity. Basically, because he wears his faith on his sleeve, every evangelical Christian type is going to come out and cheerlead him as the paragon of virtue conquering over the me-first glory-boyism that has ransacked the NFL every time he "wins" a game. It couldn't be further from the truth that he's the one who "wins" games though. That Broncos team last year won on the merit of their defense, running game and fortuitous breaks in games that don't happen with regularity, like Marion Barber fumbling, kickers botching field goals or Dick LeBeau forgetting how to coach defense in overtime of a game that probably shouldn't have gone that far.
Here's the most frightening part of the equation though. He's in New York now playing for a team where he may very well be the best quarterback on said team. Have you seen Mark Sanchez play lately? He's an actual, traditional QB, but he's terrible at his job. So it's like having shit in one hand and shit in the other, but the shit in the other hand has been blessed by the local minister, so it only seems better.
7. When did rookie QBs get so ready so early, and is that trend going to continue this year?
I don't know when it happened, but I do think it's going to happen this year. The jury is going to be out on Wilson in Seattle, but I do think that Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III are two guys who can come in right away and do positive things for their teams. Griffin is in the better situation and is the far better athlete, but Luck is probably more polished as a passer. Obviously, not every passer is good right out of the blocks nowadays. Blaine Gabbert proved that last year. That being said, I do think that the league going to a more passer-friendly rulebook has helped this transition along.
As for other rookies who might see action this year, although not on Opening Weekend, I think Nick Foles in a Losing Effort (it's a Solid Verbal inside joke, listen to them if you like college football, for realsies) and Brock Osweiler will see action and maybe turn some heads positively. That being said, if either Foles or Osweiler do get meaningful snaps, then that means the Eagles and Broncos might be in trouble. I think they'll be good, but not as good as Vick or Manning.
8. Enough about QBs! Tight ends have seemingly taken over the league on offense. What's the deal behind that development?
The position evolved. The league evolved from a running league to a passing one over the last decade, and thus athletic, pass-catching tight ends became more of a commodity over the model of virtual sixth offensive lineman ones. I believe that offense evolves first and defense has to play catchup, and I don't think teams are equipped to stop the Jimmy Grahams and Rob Gronkowskis of the world just yet. Safeties are still cornerbacks who aren't as good in coverage, and it's as hard to find a good middle/inside linebacker as it is to get a good quarterback. So I don't see the TE ASPLODSHIN as an anomaly, and I think it continues this year. Maybe Gronk and Graham don't put up the same monster numbers they did last year, but then again, they'll do damage. So will Aaron Hernandez, Vernon Davis, Brandon Pettigrew, Fred Davis and even old fogeys like Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez.
9. What's a team people are sleeping on that shouldn't be slept upon?
The Jacksonville Jaguars are the seeming butt of a lot of jokes, but they're actually a team that I think can contend for a playoff spot this year. Defensively, they're underrated. Last year, they finished 11th in total defense and in the top ten in both component categories, rushing and passing. This isn't a team that is going to break down unless they suffer injuries or if the offense is a three-and-out machine. Gabbert was brutal last year, but sometimes, it takes a guy a year or so to pick up NFL speed. Maurice Jones-Drew, training camp holdout or not, is still a dangerous back who can help take the pressure off any QB, and they went out and drafted a potential top-tier wide receiver in Justin Blackmon. It remains to be seen whether the other pieces on the offense, namely free agent wideout pickup Laurent Robinson and tight end Marcedes Lewis, who had a very disappointing 2011, will be able to produce at high levels, but this Jaguars team looks every bit a contender in the AFC wild card picture as Denver, Cincinnati, Buffalo and Pittsburgh, as crazy as that sounds.
10. Who are your playoff teams and how do you see the season shaking out?
I have full predictions below, but here are the top teams. Division winners for me are the Eagles (requisite homer pick, natch), Bears, Saints and Niners, with the Giants and Packers taking wild cards in the NFC. The AFC, I have the Pats, Ravens, Texans and Chiefs winning their divisions with the Jags and Bengals getting the wild cards. This may have differed from my podcast picks with Josh "PUNTE" Zerkle, but hey, I've seen things, man. THINGS.
As for the playoffs, my final four has the Packers going into Lincoln Financial Field to beat the Eagles, because losing the NFC Championship Game at home is something the Eagles do, and the Texans besting the Bengals at home. Pack over the Texans in the Super Bowl. Why do I have them repeating their Super Bowl run from 2010? Well, I think the Pack is a team this year that is going to struggle early but gel, especially on the defensive side, later in the year. It seems like the Champions don't dominate wire to wire anymore, they get hot at the end of the year. This isn't really based too much in statistics, but hey, sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
Full predictions after the jump.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Where We Will Find Whether a Squad Is Greater or Less Than an Envoy
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| Graphics Credit: ChikaraPro.com |
With the announcement that the Submission Squad would be able to compete as an atomico unit instead of making one of the members sit out, their first round matchup was going to face a lot of scrutiny anyway. And just like that, they draw the Spectral Envoy. It's odd; all of Wink Vavasseur's decisions regarding personnel and matchups have seemingly benefited not one of the resident Chikara tecnicos. I mean yeah, 3.0 and Akuma seem to be on the right track, but he's put the screws to the Colony, Sugar Dunkerton and now the massively popular trio of Frightmare, Hallowicked and UltraMantis Black.
Curious decisions aside, this ought to be a pretty spiffy match. If there's anyone who could help rehab the image of the Squad to Chikara fans, it's the Envoy in an adversarial role.
Your Midweek Links: I'm Exhausted
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| I'd take this better if it wasn't Triple H doing the kicking Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Selfies:
- The latest podcast, which is a solo one defending my stance on the PWI 500 [Episode 67: You Don't Bring Me MegaPowers]
- Defending the idea of Brock Lesnar's character if not the execution of it for my latest Camel Clutch Blog post [Brock Lesnar as the Unseeming Coward Is Understandable]
- My paean to brewpubs, Gritty's in general [Holzerman Hungers]
Wrestling Links:
- Jennifer Logsdon describes her first ever Chikara show [Wrestling Reflections]
- David Shoemaker on CM Punk and roles wrestlers play [Grantland]
- To those bitching about PG... maybe it's not for you [The Wrestling Journal]
- The Rock claims he tore his hamstring at Mania [Cageside Seats]
- A fascinating look at an independent promotion [Buzz Feed]
- Another fascinating look at a more well-known company, PWG, by Tom Breihan [The Classical]
- A Flair for the dramatic [Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object]
- Best and Worst, featuring the best Hayley Williams .gif yet [With Leather]
- Virgilbag, featuring Dave Batista this week [Deadspin]
Non-Wrestling Links:
- Lindy West tackling the myth that working moms are unhappy because they do two jobs for one [Jezebel]
- Summer is winding down, but this is the definitive chart of the "migratory patterns" of common vacationers [College Humor]
- Dan Levy argues that it was the hubris involved in his comeback and not the drugs that tainted Lance Armstrong [Wide Left]
- FJMing a letter from a couple who thought the Olympics opening/closing ceremonies were sex orgies. [Buzz Feed]
- The six worst people in your fantasy football league [Bro Bible]
- Bacon weave pizza. No words at the awesome. [Dude Foods]
- Jonny Castro flying solo this week and visiting MIX Pizzeria [Doughboys]
The Football Foodie is back, and the first offering is a simple yet delicious way to do Brussels sprouts [Sarah Sprague]
- What four common music arguments mean. I love this list so much. [Cracked]
- Ten Pokemon you should never use [The Smoking Section]
The Best Moves Ever: Kana's Roundhouse Kick
Kana's offense is dichotomous in nature in that on one hand, it is almost beautiful in its grace. If they were going to show instructional videos on how to kick people in a wrestling match, they'd show Low Ki's, because his offense is sterile, technical. However, if they wanted to showcase wrestling as art, they'd put Kana on display. That being said, she's also revered because her beauty is also pure savagery. Her kicks look intensely real because they may very well connect a bit harder than normal. That's why she's probably my favorite kicker in wrestling right now. Enjoy this compilation of her best from a match she had in SMASH.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Wrestling Six Packs: Potential Matches for Money Mayweather
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| Coming back to WWE? If so, there are great matches there for him. |
1. Vs. Big Show II: THE SHOWENING
This might be anti-climactic to some, but to others, it'd be a rehash of the best match on that card. I didn't see it, so I can't tell if they were smoking peyote or not, but hey, there could be a different story told here, especially with Show's "ironclad contract" which would give him free reign to, I don't know, knock out Mayweather during a guest appearance leading to a match?
2. Teaming with Big Show teaming up vs. anyone, really
Of course, teaming with Show would be intriguing as well. Opponents? Who cares! It could be Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendes for all I care, and the dynamic between the two partners would be fascinating.
3. Vs. CM Punk
Wouldn't this be the ultimate match for Punk? Forget Cena, Trips, Brock and even Rocky. Floyd Mayweather getting paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to wrestle in one match as a guest star when guys like him put in 300+ nights of work for considerably less. I don't know how Mayweather would match up on the microphone, but this match wouldn't be about him, would it? It would be about Punk being Punk.
4. Vs. Brock Lesnar
Aside from #6, this would probably get WWE that vaunted mainstream exposure for the big event that they crave. The MMA super Champ vs. boxing's biggest draw? Of course, they'd probably have to dance around those terms, but that's what this would be. I think the prospects of either guy going into business for themselves would be too hilarious not to consider either, especially given how huge their egos are reported to be.
5. Vs. Triple H
Yes, this match is here on the odd chance that a right hook gets away from Money and knocks Trips out in real life. No, I will not apologize for that.
6. Vs. Manny Pacquiao
I bag on Vince McMahon a lot because he deserves it. The man may be the greatest pro wrestling promoter ever, but he gets called a genius, and he's not. He's just a guy with giant balls who got lucky with a larger than life top draw tapping into a new, undiscovered vein or trope on two separate occasions. In real life, he's had his share of downs, scandals and asshole things he's done that would make sweatshop owners cringe. That being said, I would, for one moment in time, give him all the credit in the world if he pulled this match off. It would be the greatest troll in the history of sport that the one, sought after match in boxing history would be played out in a fucking wrestling ring. Of course, the state of boxing today dictates that really the best home for it would be in WWE because it's so goddamned rigged, but that's another story for another day.
Kane: An Appreciation
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| Disapproving Kane disapproves of your groaning at him, because he is awesome Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Then again, maybe it took time for Kane to grow into his role. The man has been around nearly everyone WWE has had on its roster in the last 17 years with the company. Hell, he was around a lot of guys in years prior as Unabomb in Smoky Mountain Wrestling as well. He's had time to absorb nuance and notes on how to perform. Then again, sometimes, it takes a while for a wrestler or even actor to grow into what he can do.
Really, off and on, Kane has always shown flashes of being a top level talent. It's just that in the last two or three years, since winning and cashing in Money in the Bank in 2010, he's been a consistently great performer. Obviously, he hasn't had the best of feuds all the time. A lot of that for me hasn't really been his fault though. The Edge and John Cena feuds in late 2010 and early 2012 respectively were really terribly mapped out.
As a counterweight to those bad feuds, we have the Undertaker series of matches where he was ostensibly remade and then the current battle with Daniel Bryan which has turned out to be one of the most entertaining things in all of wrestling this year. Add that in with the surprisingly good series in the ring he had with Randy Orton at and shortly after Mania, and it's clear to see why Kane has been regarded as more than just groan-worthy when he'd come on camera.
The thing is though, he deserves more than toleration. Aside from a bald, bearded superfan of his from Colorado that used to post at A1-Wrestling and Brandon Stroud's better half Destiny, there really aren't a whole lot of people out there who have appreciated Kane. That should change because the guy has busted his ass for WWE, doing yeoman's work and usually ending up as the butt of jokes for his trouble (yeah yeah, the livable wage and fame helps too, but I'm trying to build a narrative here, folks!). Yet, especially recently, the man has been downright good. GOOD.
It may be in the twilight of his career, but hey, better late than never for Kane to become one of the best all-around performers on the WWE roster, am I right? Besides, who else can come to your barbecue and help you light your grill if the pilot light is out or you've run out of propane?
I Do Not Like Botchamania
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| A favorite target of Botchamania Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Still, there's an allure to watching people fuck up. It's why the outtake reel exists. Watching guys screw up is only funny though if the flub in and of itself is funny. There's a reason why there isn't a stunt outtake reel because those guys probably get legitimately hurt when they fuck up.
That's kinda why I really don't dig Botchamania. It's this thing that's huge among certain sects of fans, but I just don't see what the big deal is about it. The reason is that a lot of times, the stuff that's highlighted is just highlighted because a guy fucked up. It isn't funny unless you're the kind of person who finds people tripping over shit to be funny no matter the circumstance. There's also nothing wrong with that, per se. I don't want to be the guy who starts finger wagging and using the proverbial Owen voice to poo-poo people who find natural, unscripted physical humor funny.
That being said, there's a fine line between someone slipping on ice on the pavement and falling on their ass and botching a move that could kill them if they landed wrong. That's one of the reasons why the high impact botches don't appeal to me. The verbal botches, however, usually aren't appealing because most of them are just guys tripping over their words. Like, okay, I get it. Scott Steiner has trouble speaking the English language. Sometimes, it's funny. Most of the time, it's not.
I think it might be one thing if we weren't in the 200s on episodes of the series. Obviously, wrestling lends itself to seeing people fuck up because of the high-impact, sometimes-improvised, live-action nature of it. But that in and of itself is what makes wrestling great. These are guys who go out and do stuff with only one take (unless it's Smackdown and Vince McMahon is extra cranky that Tuesday), and most of the time, they do their job well. Well, at least the ones who are good at their jobs do it well. Maybe if Maffew had a more selective ear for the content he puts on his shows, I might find it a bit more entertaining. And let's not mince words here. Maffew is actually quite good at editing video.
Obviously, this would be the point in time where, if I were a hack like Jay Mariotti or [insert sportswriter here], I'd blame Botchamania for fans' propensity to point out that guys fuck up all the time. All Sin Cara has to do step out from the curtain and the peanut gallery on Twitter responds about how botches are forthcoming. That being said, that would exist even if Maffew never put out the first episode in his series. People can be assholes. It's human nature. So I don't blame him for wanting to chronicle what amounts as a running blooper reel for wrestling.
That being said, I just don't find it all that amusing. There's something to be said for wanting to see people screw up, because it makes them human and more identifiable. However, sometimes, it's just enough not to isolate when a guy is fucking up and instead, maybe take it with the natural flow of the match.
Triple H Is Such a Clownfraud
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| Leave now and NEVER come back Photo Credit: WWE.com |
When Triple H "retired" Monday, he did so as part of the McMahon family. Sure, Stephanie would have taken his last name in any other traditional arrangement, but the man married into the most powerful family in professional wrestling. If this was a legit retirement and not some fake bullshit to throw doubt on whether he can get up to wrestle Brock Lesnar again, he'd be going to a cushy office job where he would get to lord over all the wrestlers who'd have nothing but those less-lucrative (but in many cases, more creatively fulfilling) shows to fall back upon.
You know, people like to say they like Triple H in spite of "The Internet" hating him or requiring people to hate him. To say that is to really ignore everything as to why people like me despise this fucker. It's the self-indulgence of RAW tonight, where the entirety of the first two hours was set up as an elegy to his career, being paid off with him coming out and preening to the crowd, straining to get them to give him the hero's sendoff that they gave Edge organically after he had to legitimately retire unexpectedly.
The situations are different, granted. That being said, even the staged stuff has to feel genuine. Why should anyone feel sorry for Triple H getting his arm broken by a guy he poked and prodded for months after it was broken the first time? Hell, why should anyone believe that this broken arm ends his career when he was fucking no-selling the original one within a week of suffering it? It was a phony segment from the first time it was teased during the week leading up to it.
WWE has been about shoving Triple H down our throats ever since he signed with the company. The only reason we got Steve Austin in 1996 was because Trips participated in that stupid hug at Madison Square Garden even. It's worked, because he got some of a reaction Monday. Hell, he ALWAYS gets some kind of reaction. However, the more organic ones are the reactions he gets like at SummerSlam or at Backlash 2009 when he got the "Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" chants. He's not a beloved conquering hero. The round peg-square hole method of building a star, even over 15 years, is not going to make for a special moment.
Triple H is the definition of a round peg being jammed into that square hole. He was never the star his peers were in the Attitude Era. He was outshined quickly by Lesnar. He was slow-burned out by Eddie Guerrero and He Who Shall Not Be Named. He did the right thing in putting the latter over as well as Batista, but he always made sure that he was still given the Poochie treatment.
So excuse me if I didn't lap up his schlocky spiel about it being the end of the road for him like a dog going after water on a hot day. It was phony, and I'm not talking about the way idiot haters who scornfully describe wrestling either. Or maybe I am, only this was the best example of wrestling at its worst. Call me biased, and you'd be right. Everyone's biased in their own way. It's entertainment. Seriously, you can't expect me to forget the entirety of what made me hate Triple H because this was a "good segment" that some people cheered.
Mike Quackenbush's Side of the Story
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| Quack puts his side out there Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
In this 7 ½ hour exercise in narcissism, he (Hero) alleges that his departure had to do with conflicts pertaining to a Japanese Wrestling promotion known as Pro Wrestling NOAH. I’m sure people were taken in by this work of fiction. I want to make it clear that this is a bold-faced lie. If there was any truth to this whatsoever, why is it that this man would depart the company in light of this, but his partner (Claudio Castagnoli) who was on all the exact same tours remain. This does not hold any water. This casts us (Quack and Chikara) in a very negative light while the truth behind the departure would cast him in a negative light. And I understand why he would want to create a piece of fiction to protect himself from that. But I’m certain in due time eventually the truth will come to light.So there. We don't know the "truth" right now, and for all we know, we may never know it. Quack seems to be taking a high road here, which is respectable. I don't want to throw too much shade at Hero for the shoot comments because if he felt like he was wronged, he has a right to air those grievances. That being said, I've always disliked the shoot interview, and oftentimes, the answer to all problems lies somewhere in the middle.
Now, whether that truth lies closer to what Hero said or what Quack is not saying is something that we don't know. Again, I'm not sure I care to know it either. This is a matter between two grown-ass men, and it doesn't affect my view of how each one of them functions as an artist in the least. I will be waiting with baited breath to see how Kassius Ohno turns out in a WWE ring, and of course I will continue to support and enjoy Chikara wrestling events, especially when Quack is in the ring making magic like he is wont to do.
PUNK! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?
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| Photo Credit: WWE.com |
CM Punk must have watched old game footage of the Baltimore Colts, saw Johnny Unitas and thought "Now there's a haircut you can set your watch to." That's the only explanation for that haircut. Ah well, at least I can now accuse him of biting off my hairstyle.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Instant Feedback: King Reigns Supreme
Jerry Lawler as a color commentator is an abomination before Baby Jesus, the prophet Abraham and his son, Tropical Storm Isaac, Buddha and the Lord Bryan Danielson. This has been well-known since he was separated from Jim Ross in 2009. For those who try to extrapolate that into the statement that "Jerry Lawler has no worth in 2012," well, they got a taste as to why they were so dreadfully wrong in that thought process. See, Lawler wasn't the rock that anchored Memphis/Mid-South for nothing. You don't just hold court for 40 years (and counting) just by getting people to want to see you get your ass beaten. That works for a travelling Champion like Ric Flair, but when you're Jerry Lawler, you have to know a thing or two about working the same crowd night in and night out. The key to that is knowing when to play which role obviously and knowing how to be a hero.
We've seen how great he can be at being a bad guy, obviously. There's no more evidence that needs to be shown than the way he worked the ECW Arena into a froth every time he'd call their building a bingo hall. However, the man was one of the best damn babyfaces of all-time, whether shown against the cocksure sarcasm of Andy Kaufmann or the insane invasion of Randy Savage (the most conspicuous-by-his-absence name from Lawler's acceptance of Punk's challenge). Tonight, he proved he still had it. Granted, he had one of the best pure villains to play off of as well.
CM Punk right now is the perfect foil for Lawler. In character, he denigrated Memphis, but in truth, he would have fit perfectly in there. If this RAW were held in the ass-end of Tennessee, that crowd would have blown the damn roof off the arena. BLOWN IT THE FUCK OFF. Instead, we got a Milwaukee crowd that was half dead all night and really only came alive when Triple H came out and masturbated with the arm that was supposed to be broken for everyone to see. Consummate professional he is, selling the wrong arm. I guess that's an improvement over not selling anything at all. But I digress.
Even so, that crowd might have had reason not to cheer Lawler. I mean, Lawler didn't really have a leg to stand on when he said Punk turned his back on the WWE when he attacked The Rock. Rock is a fucking movie star moonlighting as a wrestler nowadays. If anything, Punk, in his own fucked-up way, was trying to protect his home company's integrity. His apology was half-assed, and he even started it when he bumped Punk when the Champ tried to leave the ring. Remember, it's the Seinfeld epoch. However, it's all about who is able to rouse up enough sympathy for themselves for that episode. Lawler still has a trick or two up his sleeve.
Everything played out as it should have. Punk showed his hubris and was able to give the crowd what they should have wanted in getting knocked around a bit. However, he still won in the middle of the ring with the Vise. Lawler played martyr to help further the cause of "CM Punk, raving ideologue", and it was beautiful. For one night, Lawler was the King again, and he was able to show Triple H a thing or two, even accidentally, about how important it is to show vulnerability.
We've seen how great he can be at being a bad guy, obviously. There's no more evidence that needs to be shown than the way he worked the ECW Arena into a froth every time he'd call their building a bingo hall. However, the man was one of the best damn babyfaces of all-time, whether shown against the cocksure sarcasm of Andy Kaufmann or the insane invasion of Randy Savage (the most conspicuous-by-his-absence name from Lawler's acceptance of Punk's challenge). Tonight, he proved he still had it. Granted, he had one of the best pure villains to play off of as well.
CM Punk right now is the perfect foil for Lawler. In character, he denigrated Memphis, but in truth, he would have fit perfectly in there. If this RAW were held in the ass-end of Tennessee, that crowd would have blown the damn roof off the arena. BLOWN IT THE FUCK OFF. Instead, we got a Milwaukee crowd that was half dead all night and really only came alive when Triple H came out and masturbated with the arm that was supposed to be broken for everyone to see. Consummate professional he is, selling the wrong arm. I guess that's an improvement over not selling anything at all. But I digress.
Even so, that crowd might have had reason not to cheer Lawler. I mean, Lawler didn't really have a leg to stand on when he said Punk turned his back on the WWE when he attacked The Rock. Rock is a fucking movie star moonlighting as a wrestler nowadays. If anything, Punk, in his own fucked-up way, was trying to protect his home company's integrity. His apology was half-assed, and he even started it when he bumped Punk when the Champ tried to leave the ring. Remember, it's the Seinfeld epoch. However, it's all about who is able to rouse up enough sympathy for themselves for that episode. Lawler still has a trick or two up his sleeve.
Everything played out as it should have. Punk showed his hubris and was able to give the crowd what they should have wanted in getting knocked around a bit. However, he still won in the middle of the ring with the Vise. Lawler played martyr to help further the cause of "CM Punk, raving ideologue", and it was beautiful. For one night, Lawler was the King again, and he was able to show Triple H a thing or two, even accidentally, about how important it is to show vulnerability.
I, for One, Can't Wait to See Commando Bolshoi Stick Matt Classic's Towel Where the Sun Shines Not
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| Graphics Credit: ChikaraPro.com |
Y'know what I said about FIST/Osaka being the best possible first round match for King of Trios this year? I think I was just proven wrong. At the very least, the Throwbacks taking on Team JWP will give that aforementioned match a run for its money. Kaori Yoneyama, whose retirement lasted all of like 30 seconds, and Tsubasa Kuragaki, whom I heard just leveled Tokyo for the fifth time, are making their encore presentations in Chikara after JoshiMania, while Commando Bolshoi will debut after being injured during said JoshiMania.
Obviously, Dasher Hatfield knows how to handle a lady in the squared circle as well as out of it, but I have to wonder whether the Young Lions Cup Champion Mark Angelosetti and the stuck-in-the-past Matt Classic will take these women lightly. Remember, Classic tried to spank Daizee Haze last year during the tag gauntlet. If he tries to do that to any one of those three this year, well, I get the feeling that his head won't be attached to his body for much longer afterwards.
Daniel Bryan's Therapy: The Best in the World Coming of Age
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| The best even makes bad comedy good Photo Credit: WWE.com |
However, Bryan is different. He's actually a guy who thrives in hokey, non-wrestling segments. We saw evidence of this at RAW 1001, when he got a psych evaluation over several vignettes. They stole the show. If there were any stragglers who hadn't been converted to the idea that Bryan was more than just a dude who did wristlocks and other technical wrestling things that made "the Internet" jizz, then either they were converted or they will never be converted after seeing those.
This is where people like Kevin Nash are so off-base when they foolishly try to make analogies to porn when discussing guys like Bryan. Sure, he's short. However, he is the living proof that you don't need to be Brock Lesnar to captivate a crowd. He has a grasp of engaging the fans that some of the guys that have size never had. Even Nash himself, who was a charismatic guy in his own right, never held a crowd in the palm of his hand on his own merit like Bryan did. Yeah, the nWo was over, but how much of it was "ZOMG! WWF GUISE IN WCW! HULK HOGAN HEEL! YASE!" and how much of it was Nash actually engendering a reaction through things he did? Dude was stoic. He was cool. That was his thing. He didn't have to work to get a reaction (and believe me, he did the bare minimum in the WWF too and the fans got so in a frenzy over it that they started watching Nitro), but the responses he got could have been better if he did more, or if he was charismatic enough to get more without trying so hard.
Bryan is proving every stereotype about the "vanilla midget" wrong with everything he does. We know he can wrestle, but he's actually outshining people like CM Punk and John Cena, which is not a small feat. That's why he could be booked to hump a corpse to taunt Kane's necrophilia and I still might not recoil in total horror. The only thing the man doesn't have that would make him a "perfect" pro wrestler to some is that he's not 6'4" with a naturally muscular frame.
Those are things that you don't need to be a standout performer. It takes a special performer to make people go from dreading a "dumb" comedy segment to looking forward to. If my excitement over Bryan in therapy (and I'm definitely not the only one) is any evidence, then Bryan is one of the most special performers in history.
The Quackendriver and the Damage Done
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| Is the sensei changing for the worse? Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
The group has taken flak from fans because we're less than a year removed from the height of the last invading group, the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes. That being said, the BDK invaded to take over. The Gekido first ostensibly started their campaign to be integrated into the roster. Now that doesn't seem to be the case. It almost feels like they're reveling in bringing out the worst in Quack, reveling in making him look like a tyrant, an imperious and vengeful dictator even. The same could be said of their other targets, wrestlers like the Colony and Jigsaw.
The most recent example of this rage-elicitation came at their show Saturday in Indianapolis, House of Wax. Quack and Jig had their match won against 17 and The Shard, but Quackendriver Original led to Quackendriver II, which led to QD3 into QD4. The referee had no choice but to disqualify Quack for castigo de excesivo. It was a side of the godfather of Chikara that many people aren't used to seeing, but Derek Sabato, former referee and current liaison to the Gekido, saw it firsthand when Quack abused and dismantled Shayne Storm for the crime of giving Chris Hero the counter to the Chikara Special.
Obviously, this story is bordering on worked shoot, especially in light of comments made by Hero in a shoot interview (comments again that are one-sided and even if true, don't change my opinion at all of Quack or Chikara). As with anything Chikara does, I feel like this will be done well if indeed it is meant to be a reflection of rumors and allegations. Still, these actions to me very much justify the existence of the Gekido. Even I was a bit hesitant at first, but Chikara, unlike WWE, has earned the right to say "give them time". I'm very interested in seeing where this goes, especially in light of the King of Trios match announced Wednesday.
Jerry Lawler, or the Establishment Co-opting the Heel Commentator
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| Lawler is doing Vince's work, but is he doing right by the fans? Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Over the years, the art of the heel announcer has died a slow death, mainly because the old-friends-rapport that Jerry Lawler had with Jim Ross superseded any kind of rah-rahing of the bad guys. Still, old habits die hard, I suppose. Basically, now he's taken over his role as the loudspeaker but instead of as an advocate for those we're not supposed to root, he's the propaganda minister, as CM Punk put it, for those we ARE supposed to cheer.
It makes sense to have a counterbalance for the heels going all in with a traditional announcer. It also made sense when Michael Cole went HAM in the other direction to have Lawler act as a strong reactive voice to keep the narrative somewhat grounded. However, Cole has settled down, becoming almost a neutral voice. One could say that he "roots for the heels" except how can we tell who the heels with the TV on mute when everyone is a piece of shit? Remember, it's Seinfeld out there.
So basically, we're left with Lawler acting as a carnival barker telling everyone how to feel. The sad part is that it works. People root for Sheamus and John Cena, but then again, those guys seem to have "it". They could probably shoot up a liquor store on camera and still get cheered, whether Lawler said it was okay or not. For the rest of us who either hate Lawler for whatever reason and ignore what he says or who are able to watch without being suggested by the Greek Chorus, it's insulting.
I don't wanna be one of those guys who says "Just call the action, man!" because those people miss the point. Announcers have always been crucial in setting the narrative, but the thing was that we didn't need to know who the good guys were because someone told me. I knew because they did good things. If in today's WWE, no one is really good or bad and fan favoritism is decided through marketability, then maybe the roles of the announcers need to change. Maybe they need to put the story or different things about the wrestlers over instead of the wrestler's alignment or how we should feel. Things like reminding the audience of what happened previous (instead of using incessant recaps that take up time) or even mentioning things like Ryback's reading habits are great.
But the constant rationalization and rah-rahing of the ones that WWE wants us to cheer is just annoying. The word propaganda has a negative connotation for a reason. When the inevitable Punk/Lawler match happens and the cheers don't happen to be unanimously for the affable yet creepy announcer, maybe they'll actually get that point driven into their heads for once.
Time to Pay Attention to the House of Hardcore
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| One hell of a get for a first card Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein |
The list of other confirmed superstars is hit or miss. Yes, Jazz, Eddie Kingston, Carlos "Carlito" Colon, Chris "Masters" Mordetsky, Big "Luke Gallows" XLG, Winter and Dreamer himself are names that would bring me out to a debut show. However, the Steiner Brothers (I don't care how awesome Scott is on Twitter nowadays either), Big Daddy V and Sandman all make me a bit skittish. Then again, what show has star performers in every slot in every match?
Dreamer has a reputation for having some kind of mind for booking. Whether it's positive or not depends on whom you ask. Still, I'm glad to see that he's doing something, especially with guys like Masters and Gallows who really should be in high indies if not for maybe their price tags being cost prohibitive. I still want to see Masters/Mordetsky toss guys around in Chikara so badly. The name of the promotion gives me a little bit of pause too. I'm not sure in this day and age that another hardcore promotion can come in and do good to the art of wrestling.
Then again, if anyone knows what the spirit of the original ECW was all about, it was Dreamer. The slate of wrestlers looks like it won't depend wholly on garbage matches, and hey, reaching out into underexposed regions to grow the scene outside of the corporate world isn't a bad thing either. I know that upstate New York nominally has Squared Circle Wrestling, but I'm not sure that Poughkeepsie is part of their regular rotation.
The debut show in the aforementioned hamlet of New York takes place October 6th. Obviously, I won't make it to that show, but hey, if you're in the area, maybe it'll be worth checking out.
Wouldn't It Have Been Swell If AJ Had Gotten Pissed at Insinuation of Protection?
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| Her evolution has stalled Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Notice that she stopped him after he offered protection. That's not trivial. A strong-willed person, male or female, would scoff at the idea of needing someone else to protect them. That's not a trait shown very often by the happy-go-lucky, feminine-as-understood-by-chauvinistic-males women of WWE. When she asked him to repeat himself, he didn't mention the word crazy. He said again that he wanted to protect her.
Now, I'm sure this was probably some flub by Otunga, because it was reinforced by Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler that Lee acted because she was called "crazy" in a roundabout way. However, what if it WAS because Otunga was offering to protect a "dainty flower" who wasn't exactly a dainty flower in need of protection? If that were the case, then it would be an awesome, awesome step forward for women in WWE.
That being said, it's really not reasonable to think that Lee is standing up for herself given how lazy the WWE writers in executing a character. We were all surprised (save a few) when she turned the tables on Daniel Bryan, and it was a great development for her. That being said, I think WWE needs to establish a track record before I can trust them to do right by the AJ character.
I know it might seem neither here nor there, but the evidence supporting my skepticism has been found in how her character has progressed, or should I say stagnated. The first week she was in power was okay, but with each week, she's regressed more and more from quirky, possibly unstable/possibly masterminding femme fatale to "stock GM with boobs". If we can't rely on WWE creative to keep a character going through a job change, then why would we be called upon to trust them into progressing that character to new and bold heights not seen in corporate wrestling almost ever?
It was fun to believe while it lasted, but the stark reality is that AJ Lee wasn't offended by David Otunga's offer for protection. It would have been really cool if it was, but I guess WWE isn't ready to make that leap yet. I'm not sure if they ever will at this rate.
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