We always have a laugh about poor Ricardo Rodriguez having various babyface's anger be taken out on him. It's shitty that everyone from Santino Marella to Randy Orton do stuff to him when all the guy does is point and laugh. However, his bestie, Alberto del Rio, isn't exactly innocent of the same kind of bullying behavior that his buddy is victim of. OF course, we come to expect that from del Rio because he's a bad guy, you see. However, it always seems that when del Rio is pissed off from getting Brogue Kicked by Sheamus or shown up by Randy Orton, he goes and beats the everloving crap out of either Zack Ryder or Santino Marella. Search your feelings, you know this to be true.
As much as I like seeing El Patron beat the crap out of someone hapless, I kinda like both Ryder and Santino. I understand their places in the WWE firmament is somewhere near the bottom, but dammit, del Rio beats on them so bad that Rodney King would feel bad for them if he were still on this mortal coil. I think it's time del Rio got some new human punching bags. Here are whom I would pick, at least on a trial basis.
Trent Barretta
Pros: Dude's greatest asset is making people look good. He's also from a similar ZIP code as Ryder so he wouldn't be TOO unfamiliar.
Cons: He dates AJ Lee in real life, so there'd be too much temptation to get her entangled with yet ANOTHER man. Because we all know WWE is so goddamn good when it comes to intergender relationships.
Hunico
Pros: He deserves a good whippin' for perpetuating the white wife-beater and bicycle riding stereotypes.
Cons: This would be inviting all kinds of social justice groups to chime in. Plus, I doubt del Rio would go full tilt.
Camacho
Pros: He's not even really Mexican! That deserves punishment, doesn't it?
Cons: If he got whupped for pretending to be Mexican, WWE would have to acknowledge they make people pretend to be other races and that ain't happening.
Sakamoto
Pros: He'd be used to it, and at least it would be in the confines of a sanctioned match.
Cons: I don't think Assistant Vice Principal Tensai would enjoy his twink getting poached now, would he?
Staff Sergeant Tensai
Pros: Then again, it's not like Tensai is in position not to get his ass kicked on the reg now, would it?
Cons: Not sure del Rio is ready for the extra bathing associated with having to wipe Tensai's temporary tattoo gunk off him after matches.
Duane Gill as The RyGill
Pros: It would be great self-parody.
Cons: That would be like crank-calling Cthulhu. del Rio wouldn't be the only guy suffering if you catch my drift here.
JTG
Pros: He really isn't doing a whole lot of anything else right now. Why not?
Cons: His ring gear might legitimately hurt del Rio because it's all shiny and hard and sequined and shit.
As you can see, there is no shortage of wrestlers to feed to del Rio if he's having a bad day. I just don't really think that Ryder or Santino really deserve the continued abuse. Even if you don't like them, you have to agree that it is a bit curious those are the only two guys del Rio gets to push around and beat up, right? Right?
All photos courtesy of WWE.com.
