This Week in Off-Topic: You Don't Have to Watch Disney "Ruin" Star Wars (and You're Wrong If You Think They Will)

Pictured: Something that'll never happen outside of Photoshop
'Shop Credit: irodalmirohamosztagos' Tumblr

Popular culture only exists if it's popular. It's true, it really is! There are no sacred cows in entertainment or sport, and if you're worried that something is going to get "ruined," there's one thing you can do to make it not be so. You can ignore it. If you ignore something, it doesn't exist to you at least. Example, I'm a lifelong fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When news originally broke that Michael Bay was going to mutate the franchise into something that was awful and not at all representative of any interpretation I consumed and enjoyed, I didn't bitch about it. I didn't moan. I didn't complain he was going to ruin it. I played dumb. I disavowed all knowledge of its existence and decided that no matter what, I wasn't going to go see it or give my money to Bay for the privilege of soaking in his jizz-soaked vision of alien turtles spliced in between gratuitous shots of the US Military.

So, that's why I sit back and laugh at all the nerd rage going on over Disney purchasing LucasFilm and announcing the fast-tracking of Star Wars: Episode VII for 2015 (which, by the by, will probably bookend a loaded summer with that other Disney property, Avengers 2, with WB's planned Justice League flick falling somewhere in between... BUSY NERD FILM SUMMER).

Let's pretend that the Star Wars series was this pristine, artistic franchise which every single movie was a consensus masterpiece by both genre fans and movie critics alike. Let's also pretend that Disney is this meddling company that puts the damn mouse ears on everything. If the next Star Wars movie turned out to be Episode VII: Darth Goofy Battles Phineas and Ferb and Also, Here's Selena Gomez for Some Reason, would that really take away from how awesome The Empire Strikes Back was? Would it "ruin" the rest of the movies? The answer is no, it really wouldn't, unless you happened to want to be offended by something so bad that you'd let a movie that you are not obligated by law to pay money for or risk prosecution by stealing fuck your day up. To me, that sounds well below the borderline for stupidity and denseness.

"Ignorance is bliss" isn't a cliche because it's inherently stupid. It has a kernel of truth to it, especially in cases such as these. You don't have to consume entertainment. If you're not looking forward to something, even if it's in a milieu that you've traditionally consumed, why would you go out of your way to get pissed off? It's one thing to look forward to something, be disappointed and then rabble about it because it was terrible. That means you're a critical thinker and are living life the right way. But going into something you have a preconceived notion that you're going to hate just so you can make your hate "educated" is the most hardheaded, perversely stupid thing anyone could ever do.

And that's assuming that Disney is a ruiner and Star Wars is PRISTINE. Neither are the case. The prequel trilogy of Star Wars was received like a wet shart on a first date. The only movie that even charted positively amongst anything resembling a consensus was Revenge of the Sith, and even that one creaked standing atop the shaky foundation built by the first two movies. Personally, I enjoyed both RotS and The Phantom Menace, but outside of the badass light saber fight between Yoda and Count Dooku, even I couldn't bring myself to lavish fanboy-requisite praise on Attack of the Clones.

Disney, on the other hand, has a very good reputation about upholding the integrity of their properties. One can look no further than The Avengers, which not only made money, it made a SHITLOAD OF MONEY but was also acclaimed by critics and fans of the source material alike. Mickey Mouse was not shoehorned into the lineup. The rogues' gallery didn't include Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Tim Allen was not cast in any role whatsoever. Disney kept their paws out of it and got to rake in a pile of money. With that example, does anyone think that they'd reverse field and do the same thing for the Star Wars franchise? The answer is no.

So yeah, the naysayers right now have no leg to stand on. I'll gladly admit to being wrong if they somehow rerelease the original trilogy and somehow superimpose the Disney gang into the roles played by real humans, but at the same time, is that any worse than all the bullshit tinkering George Lucas himself has done to the franchise? The point is that even if you've been brought up to hate Disney and everything associated with it, there are no real negatives associated with this move.

And hell, even if things start going all pear-shaped, you can do what any sane person would do... not watch it.