 |
| Beloved wrestler, announcer, WWF President... Chopped Champion? Photo Credit: WWE.com |
@OkoriWadsworth kicks things off by asking which four wrestlers I'd want to see on Chopped.
For this, we'll assume that I have powers to raise people from the dead. Why? BECAUSE IT'S MY BLOG, THAT'S WHY. Anyway, first choice would be Gorilla Monsoon, because apparently, he was a really good cook, as good a cook as he was a wrestling personality. They say his lasagna was legendary.
Second, I'd go with Batista, since he has experience on these Food Network competition shows as a judge on Iron Chef America. Does that mean he can cook? I'm actually not sure I care here.
Third, I'd go with Beyond Wrestling head muckety-muck, Drew Cordeiro, because the dude puts out a spread at the concession stand for every Beyond show. I mean, their most recent show, the Charade Charity Chowdown, was as hot a ticket for the meal beforehand as it was for the show afterwards.
Finally, as the gag choice, I'd go with Bushwhacker Butch, because WILD CARD, BITCHES.
Next up, @MMelchor requests some fantasy booking, with respect to Kassius Ohno's eventual WWE debut.
Well, the vanilla choice would be to do the same vignettes/debut thing that they seem to do for everyone. Speaking of which, WHERE THE HELL IS MY FANDANGO? My choice, however, would be to introduce Ohno with "That Young Knockout Challenge." Yeah, I know we're kinda close to the Master Lock Challenge, but it's been at least five years. That's enough of a buffer, right? Basically, he puts up $1,000 of his own money to see if anyone can withstand his Death Blow hangman's elbow without being knocked unconscious. I know it's risque in this environment with how bad concussions are, but I think the line is clear that it's a story. Anyway, there's the set up, and there are plenty of ways to go with it.
@jessecaz wants to know about the Internet beer du jour, Left Hand Milk Stout.
I'm not sure I've ever had this. I think I might have on a drunken night at the local craft beer bar, but while it rings bell after bell when people mention it as a go-to, it doesn't really ring one as something I've ever had. However, I have had other beers in its milieu. Samuel Adams Cream Stout is one of their best brews. Lancaster Brewing Co. also makes a pretty mean Milk Stout. So the answer... I guess I have to try Left Hand Milk Stout to see how it compares.
Another culinary question, @TheWrestlefan asks what vegetable I'd like to be if I could be any vegetable.
Would it be crass if I answered "not the kind Terri Schiavo was?" Yeah, it probably would.
Anyway, if I could be any vegetable, I would be asparagus. It's the troll of the vegetable world. It tastes delicious, but it makes your urological discharges, waste or otherwise, smell bad, which could be pretty ruinous in select sexual situations, wink wink nudge nudge.
@DaveMuscarella is curious as to whether the Wrestling Is... promotions are a good idea or whether they stretch Chikara talent out too thin.
It's the former. If you're an indie wrestler, it's understood you work every weekend, right? That's how you get seasoned and make money. It's no different than if they spent off-Chikara weekends working for CZW, AIW, or any other promotion, local or otherwise. As for creatively? I don't know how they're run, to tell you the truth. Are they babies of Mike Quackenbush? That's about the only way I can see anything being spread "too thin" here. If they're satellites run under the advisement of Quack though, then it's just another way of building a brand with an ear towards grooming potential future booking guys.
Basically, the "Wrestling Is" promotions are ways to bring the Chikara brand to local residencies that wouldn't normally have a full slate of shows. It's a great way to build a market, whether it's upstate New York, Massachusetts, or even filling the void left in the Lehigh Valley by Chikara essentially going national. Don't be too worried about them right now.
@AeonsTorn has a buy or sell proposition: WWE putting wrestlers at the announce table is a clever and successful way of giving them more mic time.
In theory this is a buy. However, in practice in WWE? I'd be inclined to disagree just because of the flow of the broadcast booth is so choppy with everyone trying to get in words edgewise. It's gotten better now that Michael Cole is again a good guy vanilla shill instead of the dude who ruined everything by asking how awful everyone was. However, if you get a bad guy in the booth with Jerry Lawler, or anyone with JBL? Yeah, it's problematic.
@robot_hammer wants to know what other TV shows on my slate are can't miss.
I feel like I've answered this before, but hey, why not? I'd say if we're talking "must-see," the slate consists of Raising Hope, Archer, Game of Thrones, and of course, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And if we're including sports, then we have to include Eagles games when the circumstances aren't such where they're dreadful AND have a lame duck coach like this year and NFL Red Zone Channel.
It's Taker time, as @ScottToren wants to know what my favorite Undertaker match is and why.
Probably Undertaker vs. Triple H... from WrestleMania X7. That was one of the craziest, most intense brawls from the bridge era between Attitude and the initial brand split. Yeah, it had the ref bump, which was WAY overused in that era, but it led to probably my favorite extended brawl outside the ring. I watched it either this year or last year before Mania, and it still holds up. It could very well be the best Streak match ever, and I say that having watched and liked both HBK matches.
@soggyhydrox asks what the first PPV I'm going to show my son will be.
Whichever one we happen to be watching when he's ready to stay up past 8 PM. If I had to guess, it'd probably be WrestleMania XXX, though.
More fantasy booking! @KickOutAt2 wants to know how I'd have retroactively handled the botched ending to Hulk Hogan/Sting at Starrcade '97.
This would have been a great climax point for the New World Order. For those who don't know what a climax is, it's a turning point in the action, not the end. Anyway, I'd have made sure Nick Patrick made a fast count under pain of getting his kidneys tagged up by Fit Finlay. Even with the fast count, I'd have had Sting still kick out at two, popping up and looking at Patrick with the rage and fire of a thousand suns in his eyes. Scorpion Death Drop on Patrick later, and then we have gang warfare. The nWo comes out to jump Sting and preserve victory for Hogan, but finally, the combined forces of WCW decide that they have had enough. There's a huge brawl that ends with everyone working their way to the back except Sting and Hogan. Sting puts Hogan in the Scorpion Death Lock, and who comes down but Bret Hart in a ref shirt. He notes Hogan tapping out, and Sting wins the WCW World Championship.
In the aftermath, Hogan demands who gave Hart the authority to be a ref, and it's revealed to be Ric Flair, who purchased a stake in WCW in response to Eric Bischoff's defection to the nWo. Instead of bloating, the nWo starts shedding members until around Fall Brawl '98, when the only guys left are Hogan, the Outsiders, and Curt Hennig against a Four Horsemen of Flair, Dean Malenko, He Who Shall Not Be Named, and *sigh* I guess Mongo McMichael in a War Games match. The Horsemen win, and the nWo is disbanded for good.
Sting would have moved on from Hogan to Hart from Starrcade in a feud that would have carried the beginning part of 1998. Goldberg could move into the scene when he would have been ready.
From @fte88, who are the Santa and the Grinch of the wrestling world?
Santa? That's hard. I'd say it's a tossup between Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler, because they both give so much of themselves both inside and out of the ring.
The Grinch is Jim Cornette, because he successfully stole ROH away from us and tried to replace it with some imitation OVW shit under the ROH banner. His heart didn't grow three sizes, but we did get our ROH back under duress of force.
Noted Fembot, certified Canadian, and weekly Impact recapper at With Leather Danielle Matheson has two queries. One, she wants to know if I use Himalayan pink salt (from Cape Herb and Spice, specifically), and if not, what my defense is.
Well, I... uh, OH LOOK, IS THAT LOCALLY SOURCED, CERTIFIED ORGANIC, FARM TO TABLE MUSHROOM RISOTTO? *flees*
In all seriousness, I have seen the Himalayan pink salt before in specialty gourmet stores. However, two things have prohibited me from actually buying it. First is that I really didn't know how it differed from regular sea salt. Second, it's a bit cost-prohibitive, especially for a family with a little dude and a big dog at home. However, I will be on the lookout for it to at least try it in the future.
Second, based on a fanfic between the MCMGs that she saw at Burger King, what wrestler AND cheeseburger would I ship with myself?
Well, let's just pretend my wife is okay with me shipping myself with a pro wrestling lady or even dude. But yeah, that should be a given, right? Anyway, the wrestler would be obvious. It would be Kaitlyn, because she seems like she's most my personality and well, I don't need to tell you how good she looks. Second, the cheeseburger? This is hard, because there are so many really good cheeseburgers out there. However, the best burger I've ever had was in Belize City, of all places, at a bar called the Wet Lizard. I don't know exactly how the fic would go, but there would be laughter, cheeseburgers, and other things I'm not very comfortable writing about right now. But you get the idea.
Finally, the transplanted Jersey boy, Jamie Girouard asks which member of The Shield is the next breakout star.
The answer that everyone is expecting is Dean Ambrose. Yes, he's talented, and if there were any justice in the world, he would be the next big thing in WWE and be able to keep guys like CM Punk honest. But let's face it; as Tyler Black, Seth Rollins had a cult-like hold on audiences at the ECW Arena and other ROH strongholds back in the day. There's something about a generally handsome dude with Hot Topic chic and a willingness to fall off things spectacularly. I don't think he's more talented at that kind of thing than Jeff Hardy (and I say this as the world's most secretive Jeff Hardy mark), but he has the potential to be bigger than Hardy. So let's go with him, I suppose.
