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| WE ARE AT HOSSCON 4 RIGHT NOW! I REPEAT, HOSSCON 4! Photo Credit: WWE.com |
First up, @wildvulture asked in all caps HOW AWESOME IT WILL BE WHEN MARK HENRY AND RYBACK INDUCE ARMAGEDDON WITH THEIR IMPENDING HOSS FIGHT?
We will all gain the sweet release of death. It will be glorious. Thanos will be there, but he will die too. Why? HE'S NOT HOSS ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND THE COLLISION BETWEEN RYBACK AND MARK HENRY, THAT'S WHY. IT WILL BE A FANTASTIC END TO OUR CIVILIZATION!
@Enrico_Palazzo_ wants to hear some Night Ranger.
@NotAlexJones doesn't get hardcore wrestling and wants me to explain it to him or point him to some matches that might change his mind.
Well, that begs the question as to what hardcore wrestling a person has seen? Like any form of wrestling, it can be done well or poorly, but when it's done poorly, it stands out a lot worse than other styles because it actually looks like people are hurting each other. I admit that I get very iffy about watching modern indie hardcore, but I've also been pleasantly surprised. For example, Absolute Intense Wrestling presented two matches last year - Hailey Hatred vs. John Thorne at Straight Outta Compton and Lil' Naughty vs. Crazy Mary Dobson at Girls' Night Out 7 - that were as good as any high end match in 2012. They were both done right. If weapons and blood aren't really your thing, most hardcore matches won't be your thing. I can't tell anyone that they HAVE to watch all kinds of wrestling though. That's the beauteous thing about the art; you can pick and choose what you want to consume.
@OkoriWadsworth asks my thoughts on tournaments in pro wrestling.
I am a huge mark for tournaments. I love the sheer potential and the fact that they're the best rasa tabula form of storytelling, as well as a potential for fresh, meaningful matches with little need for contextual setup. It's actually the one trope in wrestling that I can't imagine could be overused, but I've been wrong about these kinds of things before. I actually would dig a pro wrestling promotion that was styled completely on tournaments, like tennis. Someone get on that!
@GayWrestlingFan wants to know if I was genuinely moved by the warm outpouring for William Moody at his passing.
Well, no one speaks ill of the dead within the first week or so of passing, and I'm not surprised given that I have rarely heard anyone say a cross word about Moody ever. That being said, it's always moving when people say kind words about a guy that touched you as an impressionable fan. It helped to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death.
@BrandunKyla is curious which cartoon characters would make for great wrestlers in the vein of Jushin Thunder Liger and Tiger Mask.
Does Zeb Colter as a super racist Yosemite Sam count? No? Okay. I kinda think that a feuding duo based off Perry the Platypus and Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb would be an absolute scream in Chikara. Kick it up a notch by pairing Perry with a tag team that he acts a bit brainless around, and you go full tilt. I'd be okay with a secret agent marsupial going against an evil scientist just for starters though.
@Rider4Real asks what three CDs I'd take with me if I were driving to a secluded area.
I answered a question similar to this a few weeks ago, but this is different enough to answer. So, after a little bit of thought, here we go:
1. Selling England by the Pound by Genesis - This is Peter Gabriel era goodness, and on most days, it's my pick for my favorite album ever. It's sonically-layered and beautiful. The lyrical content goes seamlessly from beautiful to silly and back again. There are sweeping instrumental passages, crescendos, wonderful combination of the Mellotron and Moog synthesizer, a true bridge album from classic and more modern prog rock.
2. Master of Puppets by Metallica - This album is pure aggression coupled with harrowing imagery of a dystopian world where kids are mowed down in war, addicted to drugs, sequestered in the asylum. It hits hard, but there's always an underlying sense of melody.
3. Kid A by Radiohead - Okay, for those who've known me a long time, you know that I love OK Computer and kinda fell off the Radiohead bandwagon. I hated Kid A when it first came out. It was way experimental, and I didn't get it. But here we are, like 12 years later, and I've been listening to and digging a bunch of groups that have been influenced by that era of Radiohead. I do my best listening to albums when in periods of self-introspection, and if I'm going to be secluded, well, what better time to see if I've changed?
@robot_hammer wants me to do a buy or sell: Kevin Smith's movies have not aged well.
Gonna cop on this and say that it's been a few years since I've seen a Kevin Smith movie. I think the last one I saw was Mallrats a year or so ago, and I've also conditioned myself as a Smith fan. So yeah, Mallrats had a few dated references, and the dialogue between TS and Brandi was really, really obnoxious and unrealistic. But overall, I thought it held up, especially Brodie. Plus, I have a soft spot in my heart for Jay and Silent Bob. So I guess that's a prohibitive sell?
Eamon Paton of The Wrestlefan Writes wants to know how excited I am for the return of Chikara's Tag World Grand Prix and what teams I want to see in it.
First thing's first, the Tag World Grand Prix was something before my time as a Chikara fan. That being said, I looked it up, and oh boy, it's a GIANT TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT! So yeah, of course I'm jazzed for this. As for the slate? Here are some teams I want in that aren't exactly in the company right now:
@DouceyD asks what the better tag feud was, British Bulldogs/Hart Foundation or Dudleys/Hardys/Canadian Blondes.
The Bulldogs/Harts was a bit before my time, so I can't totally be objective here. That being said, I bet the former feud was super influential and had better technical wrestling. Plus, there was the whole crooked referee thing and a real live bulldog. However, the three-way TLC feud was the entire tag division, was probably more exciting, and it was great for fans of debris porn. Theoretically, Matilda puts it over the top for me cuz I love bulldogs, but I can only go on what I've seen, man.
@soggyhydrox wants to know my dream main event for a guy I'd boo no matter what the circumstance and a heel that I cheer would be.
I'd say Mark Henry vs. Triple H, but then it would happen and I'd have an aneurysm when Trips beat him decisively after kicking out of the World's Strongest Slam. So, I'll say it already has happened, and the right guy won. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton, and RANDY ORTON GOT PUT INTO THE HALL OF PAIN, CUZ THAT'S WHAT HE DO.
@Insane24se7en has two questions. First, how far do I think Antonio Cesaro can go in WWE?
Optimistically, there's no reason why Cesaro can't go all the way to the top. I'm talking WWE Championship run, WrestleMania main event, the whole nine yards. However, I almost feel like WWE's main event gets populated via lottery system, and there are guys who might seem like locks to make the main event but falter for whatever reason, whether their own or because of administrative failure. But as an average, I think he has a high ceiling. A run with the Big Gold Belt and a few high profile feuds seem to be the absolute minimum for Cesaro, barring some kind of bizarre happening that would take him out of the company.
Second, he asks if taking the mask off El Generico in NXT would nerf a potential return to the gimmick in the indies?
Absolutely not. Fans are cynical, but that's all talk. They talk a big game, but they would turn into quivering, fanboys/girls cheering and being generally happy the moment the Bouncing Souls' rendition of his theme would queue up. But that's assuming he fails in WWE. I am not betting against that. I never bet against Remi Sebei.
@mjones99 asks why?
Why ask why when you can have Bud Dry?
Scott Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks what the best hoss on hoss action was that never occurred.
There are plenty of answers to this question that are valid. For one, Andre the Giant was perhaps misplaced in era. I would love to see him against the more modern, refined hoss. In that same vein, Harley Race is another guy who would do well today, I think. He's more a hoss in the Sheamus vein rather than, say, Mark Henry. But best HOSS FIGHT that never happened that would've been awesome? How about 2011 Mark Henry vs. 1993 Vader. If we had a time machine possible to make that match happen, then that might truly end the world, and not because of time paradox reasons either.
@mikepankowski asks what close-to-released WWE superstar deserves another chance.
Yeah, I know, I'm going to be ruining my Twitter hipster cred and all, but the answer is, and always has been, Zack Ryder. I know that the hoeski thing was awful, and he can get obnoxious with the tights, but it's like there's no quarter given to the context of the tights (not defending him writing a song and making a video around the concept of hoeski... but more on that later). He's a guy who pretty much launched the WWE's YouTube initiative. He also got super popular on his own, which is if we're supposed to believe the talking heads of the company, is what you're supposed to do. Of course, we all know that's a crock of shit, but I digress.
Regardless, people want to vilify him for hoeski or his Twitter feed turning into pandering and whining. That patently ignores the fact that once upon a time, the Ryder character was a breath of fresh air, and that he's a sneaky good in-ring guy. His one note character was never asked to evolve. He was given it, he ran with it, they ignored him, they pushed him, then they ignored him again. So yeah, there's good and bad with him, just like there is for nearly everyone in recorded history. The trick is doing a balancing act and seeing which side wins out. I don't think you should have to like Ryder like I do, or hell, you don't even have to see him the way I do. The things I think he does well, other people might think are worthless. But the thing is that I've seen tides turn on people where they're all up in the dude's Kool-Aid one minute and think he's the worst thing ever the next. Ah fuck it, I'm rambling, but whatever. I still think there's mileage in Zack Ryder, the performer. The character may have run its course, but man, no one says you have to be the same guy your whole career.
@Jessico09 wants my opinion on what kind of interest Rachel Summerlyn might draw from WWE.
I'm not going to pretend I know what the people in WWE's HR are looking for in potential employees, but I gotta think that if Summerlyn isn't on their radar, it only means they aren't scouting Texas. She's got everything they would want in a potential signee. She's smoking hot, ultimately talented in the ring, charismatic, able to carry a story, and she's got family lineage in the business. So yeah, they should be looking at her, but at the same time, would she be better off staying put? Ah, that's a whole other question that I could actually pose to her if I really wanted. Maybe I will one of these days... But now that she's doing more and more 2CW dates, veritably in WWE's backyard, maybe she will get a closer look.
@redunk808 wants to know which Big Bossman I preferred, fat or slim?
He was the better character when he had that pot belly action going on in late '80s/early '90s WWF, but he felt like he was a better wrestler when he slimmed down in the Attitude Era. I dunno, I always preferred the old theme song and his feuds, especially with Mountie, so let's go with the fat variant.
Finally, @Delliot90 asks if Zack Ryder gets his WrestleMania match, would I eat my hat as I promised?
I will braise it in red wine, beef stock, mirepoix, garlic, and bay leaves, and serve it over pureed celery root with a side salad and a Dogfish Head Raison D'Etre.
Well, that begs the question as to what hardcore wrestling a person has seen? Like any form of wrestling, it can be done well or poorly, but when it's done poorly, it stands out a lot worse than other styles because it actually looks like people are hurting each other. I admit that I get very iffy about watching modern indie hardcore, but I've also been pleasantly surprised. For example, Absolute Intense Wrestling presented two matches last year - Hailey Hatred vs. John Thorne at Straight Outta Compton and Lil' Naughty vs. Crazy Mary Dobson at Girls' Night Out 7 - that were as good as any high end match in 2012. They were both done right. If weapons and blood aren't really your thing, most hardcore matches won't be your thing. I can't tell anyone that they HAVE to watch all kinds of wrestling though. That's the beauteous thing about the art; you can pick and choose what you want to consume.
@OkoriWadsworth asks my thoughts on tournaments in pro wrestling.
I am a huge mark for tournaments. I love the sheer potential and the fact that they're the best rasa tabula form of storytelling, as well as a potential for fresh, meaningful matches with little need for contextual setup. It's actually the one trope in wrestling that I can't imagine could be overused, but I've been wrong about these kinds of things before. I actually would dig a pro wrestling promotion that was styled completely on tournaments, like tennis. Someone get on that!
@GayWrestlingFan wants to know if I was genuinely moved by the warm outpouring for William Moody at his passing.
Well, no one speaks ill of the dead within the first week or so of passing, and I'm not surprised given that I have rarely heard anyone say a cross word about Moody ever. That being said, it's always moving when people say kind words about a guy that touched you as an impressionable fan. It helped to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death.
@BrandunKyla is curious which cartoon characters would make for great wrestlers in the vein of Jushin Thunder Liger and Tiger Mask.
Does Zeb Colter as a super racist Yosemite Sam count? No? Okay. I kinda think that a feuding duo based off Perry the Platypus and Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb would be an absolute scream in Chikara. Kick it up a notch by pairing Perry with a tag team that he acts a bit brainless around, and you go full tilt. I'd be okay with a secret agent marsupial going against an evil scientist just for starters though.
@Rider4Real asks what three CDs I'd take with me if I were driving to a secluded area.
I answered a question similar to this a few weeks ago, but this is different enough to answer. So, after a little bit of thought, here we go:
1. Selling England by the Pound by Genesis - This is Peter Gabriel era goodness, and on most days, it's my pick for my favorite album ever. It's sonically-layered and beautiful. The lyrical content goes seamlessly from beautiful to silly and back again. There are sweeping instrumental passages, crescendos, wonderful combination of the Mellotron and Moog synthesizer, a true bridge album from classic and more modern prog rock.
2. Master of Puppets by Metallica - This album is pure aggression coupled with harrowing imagery of a dystopian world where kids are mowed down in war, addicted to drugs, sequestered in the asylum. It hits hard, but there's always an underlying sense of melody.
3. Kid A by Radiohead - Okay, for those who've known me a long time, you know that I love OK Computer and kinda fell off the Radiohead bandwagon. I hated Kid A when it first came out. It was way experimental, and I didn't get it. But here we are, like 12 years later, and I've been listening to and digging a bunch of groups that have been influenced by that era of Radiohead. I do my best listening to albums when in periods of self-introspection, and if I'm going to be secluded, well, what better time to see if I've changed?
@robot_hammer wants me to do a buy or sell: Kevin Smith's movies have not aged well.
Gonna cop on this and say that it's been a few years since I've seen a Kevin Smith movie. I think the last one I saw was Mallrats a year or so ago, and I've also conditioned myself as a Smith fan. So yeah, Mallrats had a few dated references, and the dialogue between TS and Brandi was really, really obnoxious and unrealistic. But overall, I thought it held up, especially Brodie. Plus, I have a soft spot in my heart for Jay and Silent Bob. So I guess that's a prohibitive sell?
Eamon Paton of The Wrestlefan Writes wants to know how excited I am for the return of Chikara's Tag World Grand Prix and what teams I want to see in it.
First thing's first, the Tag World Grand Prix was something before my time as a Chikara fan. That being said, I looked it up, and oh boy, it's a GIANT TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT! So yeah, of course I'm jazzed for this. As for the slate? Here are some teams I want in that aren't exactly in the company right now:
- The Briscoes
- Irish Aiborne
- Hope and Change (Gregory Iron and Veda Scott)
- The Young Bucks
- The Hooligans
- The Washington Bullets
- The Kentucky Buffet
- Chiva Kid and Arik Royal
- Caprice Coleman and Cedric Alexander
- The Flatliners
- Regeneration X
- The Business (Angel Blue and Jojo Bravo, or if Angel Blue doesn't cooperate with the PG language, Jojo Bravo and Thomas Shire)
- The Canadian Ninjas
@DouceyD asks what the better tag feud was, British Bulldogs/Hart Foundation or Dudleys/Hardys/Canadian Blondes.
The Bulldogs/Harts was a bit before my time, so I can't totally be objective here. That being said, I bet the former feud was super influential and had better technical wrestling. Plus, there was the whole crooked referee thing and a real live bulldog. However, the three-way TLC feud was the entire tag division, was probably more exciting, and it was great for fans of debris porn. Theoretically, Matilda puts it over the top for me cuz I love bulldogs, but I can only go on what I've seen, man.
@soggyhydrox wants to know my dream main event for a guy I'd boo no matter what the circumstance and a heel that I cheer would be.
I'd say Mark Henry vs. Triple H, but then it would happen and I'd have an aneurysm when Trips beat him decisively after kicking out of the World's Strongest Slam. So, I'll say it already has happened, and the right guy won. Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton, and RANDY ORTON GOT PUT INTO THE HALL OF PAIN, CUZ THAT'S WHAT HE DO.
@Insane24se7en has two questions. First, how far do I think Antonio Cesaro can go in WWE?
Optimistically, there's no reason why Cesaro can't go all the way to the top. I'm talking WWE Championship run, WrestleMania main event, the whole nine yards. However, I almost feel like WWE's main event gets populated via lottery system, and there are guys who might seem like locks to make the main event but falter for whatever reason, whether their own or because of administrative failure. But as an average, I think he has a high ceiling. A run with the Big Gold Belt and a few high profile feuds seem to be the absolute minimum for Cesaro, barring some kind of bizarre happening that would take him out of the company.
Second, he asks if taking the mask off El Generico in NXT would nerf a potential return to the gimmick in the indies?
Absolutely not. Fans are cynical, but that's all talk. They talk a big game, but they would turn into quivering, fanboys/girls cheering and being generally happy the moment the Bouncing Souls' rendition of his theme would queue up. But that's assuming he fails in WWE. I am not betting against that. I never bet against Remi Sebei.
@mjones99 asks why?
Why ask why when you can have Bud Dry?
Scott Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks what the best hoss on hoss action was that never occurred.
There are plenty of answers to this question that are valid. For one, Andre the Giant was perhaps misplaced in era. I would love to see him against the more modern, refined hoss. In that same vein, Harley Race is another guy who would do well today, I think. He's more a hoss in the Sheamus vein rather than, say, Mark Henry. But best HOSS FIGHT that never happened that would've been awesome? How about 2011 Mark Henry vs. 1993 Vader. If we had a time machine possible to make that match happen, then that might truly end the world, and not because of time paradox reasons either.
@mikepankowski asks what close-to-released WWE superstar deserves another chance.
Yeah, I know, I'm going to be ruining my Twitter hipster cred and all, but the answer is, and always has been, Zack Ryder. I know that the hoeski thing was awful, and he can get obnoxious with the tights, but it's like there's no quarter given to the context of the tights (not defending him writing a song and making a video around the concept of hoeski... but more on that later). He's a guy who pretty much launched the WWE's YouTube initiative. He also got super popular on his own, which is if we're supposed to believe the talking heads of the company, is what you're supposed to do. Of course, we all know that's a crock of shit, but I digress.
Regardless, people want to vilify him for hoeski or his Twitter feed turning into pandering and whining. That patently ignores the fact that once upon a time, the Ryder character was a breath of fresh air, and that he's a sneaky good in-ring guy. His one note character was never asked to evolve. He was given it, he ran with it, they ignored him, they pushed him, then they ignored him again. So yeah, there's good and bad with him, just like there is for nearly everyone in recorded history. The trick is doing a balancing act and seeing which side wins out. I don't think you should have to like Ryder like I do, or hell, you don't even have to see him the way I do. The things I think he does well, other people might think are worthless. But the thing is that I've seen tides turn on people where they're all up in the dude's Kool-Aid one minute and think he's the worst thing ever the next. Ah fuck it, I'm rambling, but whatever. I still think there's mileage in Zack Ryder, the performer. The character may have run its course, but man, no one says you have to be the same guy your whole career.
@Jessico09 wants my opinion on what kind of interest Rachel Summerlyn might draw from WWE.
I'm not going to pretend I know what the people in WWE's HR are looking for in potential employees, but I gotta think that if Summerlyn isn't on their radar, it only means they aren't scouting Texas. She's got everything they would want in a potential signee. She's smoking hot, ultimately talented in the ring, charismatic, able to carry a story, and she's got family lineage in the business. So yeah, they should be looking at her, but at the same time, would she be better off staying put? Ah, that's a whole other question that I could actually pose to her if I really wanted. Maybe I will one of these days... But now that she's doing more and more 2CW dates, veritably in WWE's backyard, maybe she will get a closer look.
@redunk808 wants to know which Big Bossman I preferred, fat or slim?
He was the better character when he had that pot belly action going on in late '80s/early '90s WWF, but he felt like he was a better wrestler when he slimmed down in the Attitude Era. I dunno, I always preferred the old theme song and his feuds, especially with Mountie, so let's go with the fat variant.
Finally, @Delliot90 asks if Zack Ryder gets his WrestleMania match, would I eat my hat as I promised?
I will braise it in red wine, beef stock, mirepoix, garlic, and bay leaves, and serve it over pureed celery root with a side salad and a Dogfish Head Raison D'Etre.
