Saturday, May 4, 2013

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 29

My favorite feud ever (No, it doesn't involve Hebner)
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.

First up, @JohnJohnPhenom asks which of the five boroughs gets the short shrift in Family Wrestling Entertainment's Tri-Boro Championship.

Okay, for those not in the know, FWE is a New York City-based wrestling promotion. New York has five boroughs. For those who are geographically declined, those five boroughs are Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island. Manhattan IS New York, so that's represented. I'd also say Brooklyn's a lock, because it's the cultural epicenter of the city and probably has the biggest concentration of wrestling fans. I have no stats to back that up, just spitballin'. That leaves three boroughs for one piece of representation. I think we can rule out Staten Island. Sorry, nothing against the people there, but it's too close to the state of New Jersey for my tastes. Plus, it's kinda ragged. So, that leaves Queens and the Bronx. It's Long Island vs. mainland New York state, the Mets vs. the Yankees, uh, something Queens vs. something Bronx. My personal bias goes towards Queens, mainly because I know too many Mets fans.

Richard Thomas of the International Object podcast asks what my three favorite feuds of all-time are.

1. The Rock vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin - This was pretty much the defining feud of my teenage fandom, two rivals who were joined at the hip, almost never on the same side of the alignment sheet. They were not only feuding in the ring, but they were rivals out of it in terms of who meant more to WWE. They had a staggering three separate singles matches at Mania, a feat that I think has only been matched by Triple H and Undertaker, but they were all compressed into a tighter package. I'd say their Mania XV match wasn't the beginning of the Attitude Era (that was probably Austin/HBK), but it was certainly a major signpost in the beginning of that epoch. Their X-7 match was a perfect climax, and when they met at XIX, the it came to a close. It wasn't as long as, say, Flair/Steamboat, but it certainly had the same kind of feeling.

2. El Generico vs. Kevin Steen - These two had the great beginning moment - Steen turning on Generico at Final Battle '09 - an epic feel, heightened scope, and violence out the wazoo. There have been feuds in the indies that have gone across promotional boundaries, but it was the top feud in Ring of Honor in 2010 and then when it had cooled off there, it became the top feud in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla in 2011. Unlike many feuds, it came to an end necessitated by real life. When Steen embraced Generico after they had fallen in the finals of DDT4 this year and said "Without you, I'd be nothing," it didn't undo the last three years, it galvanized them.

3. Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage - Oh man, did I want to see Savage beat the goddamn stuffing out of Flair. How dare Naitch impugn the good name of Miss Elizabeth? Especially after she and Savage had just gotten married? What a jerk! It didn't hurt matters that Savage and Flair were two of the best wrestlers ever. We got a few reprises of this in WCW. Although none of the times were as good as the Mania VIII feud, when you have those two getting together, it's going to be special regardless of surrounding.

@OkoriWadsworth asks whether I think physique will ever become a secondary trait in WWE or TNA.

I think it already is, actually. I had this conversation with Brandon Stroud last night about various things, but Evan Bourne came up, specifically the picture of him looking like an Anglo post-Eddie Guerrero's death Rey Mysterio. It looked unnatural, disgusting either. I had the counterpoint that it was part of the culture, but then he pointed out correctly that guys like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose were making it to the WWE main event without looking like they had balloons superglued to their musculature underneath their skin. There is a cultural shift in WWE at least, and I think it started, whether consciously or not, with the horrific way He Who Shall Not Be Named went out.

Punk predated Benoit's death, obviously. Hell, they were WWECW contemporaries. But he didn't win his first Money in the Bank until after everything went down. It was sometime after Benoit's murder-suicide that they started scouting guys like Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Jon Moxley, Tyler Black, Chris Hero, and so on and so forth. Obviously, old habits die hard. As long as Vince McMahon's around, he's going to be unnaturally aroused by a muscular body, no matter how dysmorphic it happens to be. But the revolution has started.

From @robot_hammer, how long do I see Dolph Ziggler holding the Big Gold Belt, given that cash-in reigns don't seem to last that long?

The cynic in me says that he drops it at Extreme Rules to Alberto del Rio (lol Swagger). The optimist says he'll have a good run until at least SummerSlam, where he'll drop it to Sheamus or maybe even Daniel Bryan. The kid in me says I want Ovaltine! Because I gave that vague an answer means I have absolutely no read on this title reign. Money in the Bank cash-in reigns seem to be awful reigns, but then I hear all this chatter about how they have big plans for the three in that group. I don't know. I'll hedge and say he gets cashed-in on by Cody Rhodes or Antonio Cesaro after his defense at Money in the Bank. One good turn deserves another, no? Symmetry, baby.

@JohnJohnPhenom back with a second question: is LeBron James the closest thing to a John Cena we have in mainstream sport, given how much he's been shoved down our throats?

It's an apt comparison, although for as good as John Cena is, there's still an immense talent gap between the two. If James had a WWE comparison, it would be something like Hulk Hogan or Steve Austin. He's legit one of the best of all-time in the upper echelon. Cena would compare to maybe a Larry Bird or Magic Johnson. He's clearly an all-timer, but he's a rung below. I know some NBA fans might hunt me down and beat me with the Larry O'Brien Trophy, and I'm also not sure that's not splitting hairs.

But I'd say the overexposure angle is true. Some might want to compare Cena to Tim Tebow because of their distaste for him, but here's the thing about Tebow. He's not good at his job. At all. Like, I would rather have Ron Jaworski right now under center than Tebow. That's how awful he is. Cena, again, is an all-timer.

@mikepankowski asks that since the Flyers and Sixers are dead in the water whether I'm paying attention to the respective league playoffs.

Well, at the time this question was asked, I was watching Memphis finish off the Clippers in their series, so there's that.

It's very hard for me to watch sports of any kind because the TV is so occupied. My wife is not a sports fan, so she wouldn't randomly want to watch, say, Memphis vs. the Clippers, let alone a random Sixers game. So when we're watching TV together (and I love my wife and love spending time with her), it's usually something we both can agree on. Then, there's the wild card of the baby, who needs his own stimulation, which means Disney Jr., Sesame Street, and generally kids shows with lots of colorful brightness. Then, there are my own habits, which are wrestling, wrestling, more wrestling, and then sports.

But I still do follow sports, maybe not as religiously as I did when I had all the time in the world in my youth. So yeah, I'm paying attention to the Twitters and the blogs and the box scores. And I have rooting interests! For example, in the NBA, I'm all in for a TROLL FINALS USA of Grizzlies and Pacers. I just wanna see people melt down and post columns about how "RATINGS WILL TANK" (because if there's anything sillier than charting ratings for wrestling, it's charting them for sports). It'll be delicious, even if it could be boring. It's a risk I'm willing to take. But if we're talking genuine rooting interest, I do want to see the Grizz, Warriors, or even the Bulls win. In the NHL, ANYONE BUT PITTSBURGH, although I think it would be kinda rad to see the Bruins win. Yeah, schmaltz and all, but y'know what? It would be a cool distraction from the bombing case for that city. Alex Ovechkin getting his "Peyton Manning Ring" would be nice too.

Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks what my favorite 'talk show' moment was, disqualifying the infamous barbershop window.

I have a few, actually. The first was when the Undertaker trapped the Ultimate Warrior in one of his caskets during the Funeral Parlor. Second, Chris Jericho breaking one of his Highlight Reel monitors over Shawn Michaels' head. Tied for third were all the times Tony Atlas laughed during the Abraham Washington show. Fourth, Ryback tossing the MizTV set around like it was nothing. Honorable mention would go to "This Is Your Life, Rock," which was LIKE a talk show segment, but didn't have a nominal name, so I guess it didn't count, but FUCK DA RULES.

@czach1r poses a choice for a Mania main event: Zach Randolph vs. Mark Henry or Lane Johnson vs. a Grizzly Bear?

Well, apparently, the Lane Johnson-wrestles-bears story was a tall tale, so it takes the luster off of that matchup. Then again, maybe he should have to answer for his lies. However, given that I want the Eagles to have a stable offensive line for the next decade, let's hold off on Johnson wrestling the grizzly bear and have Mark Henry wrestling the Memphis Grizzly. Yeah, we don't know how much safer it is to wrestle Henry than it is to wrestle a bear (for the record, I'd feel better going against the bear), BUT I think Z-Bo can handle himself a lot better. I mean, did you see the ground 'n pound shit he pulled on Blake Griffin last night? THAT'S WHAT HE DO.

@chudleycannons wants to know what advance word I've heard about Rebecca Knox and Matt Silva and whether I think they're any good.

This is the part of the mailbag where I ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and say I'm not familiar with either one. Sorry. However, I will make this commentary on WWE signing Knox. I think it's awesome that they're finally taking riders on the talented women wrestlers of the world. However, those riders are going to mean a whole goddamn heap of NOTHING as long as the Divas Division remains as unformed as it is. It's like hiring Daniel Day-Lewis, Liam Neeson, Meryl Streep, and Steve Buscemi and having them as extras in a movie with no other actors in it. Because really, who IS a star in that "division?" Not even the Bella Twins are, unless you consider the reality show their showcase. I don't know. I feel like I'm just a broken record when it comes to women in WWE, but it's a subject where being a broken record seems to be needed.