Saturday, June 1, 2013

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 32

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How will their X-Treme Frost variants play out?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.

First up, Eamon Paton of WrestleFan Writes and play-by-play announcer for the new Inspire Pro Wrestling promotion asks how I'd introduce the Los Ice Creams: X-Treme Frost.

This is intriguing, because it almost feels like that it's about ready to happen, or that it won't happen at all thanks to a major timeline reset on Sunday. However, what I'd do is have it be the thing that backfires in Wink Vavasseur's face. He keeps tinkering with the roster and with alliances, and everything has been to the detriment of the roster. I'd have LIC:XF come out, and right away take their masks off to reveal themselves as Mike Quackenbush and Soldier Ant. All heck breaks loose, and the war to take Chikara back from the gods begins. For those who don't know, in this theory, John Titor is Time, Vavasseur is Death, and his father is Fate.

@Enrico_Palazzo_ wants to know which '80s rock anthem would be best to play during a Chikara-centric mailbag and to provide an example.

This might be an unconventional choice, but if I'm right, and something worse than Wink Vavasseur/Delirious/etc. is coming, well, it might be something like this:



De O'Brien of Drop Toehold asks whether Tian Long or Sapphire will play a role at Aniversario Sunday.

Tian Long, a "rookie" who made his debut and his final appearance in one match against 17 in Chicago last year, thanks to intentional injury by the Gekido's ringleader, seems to be a vestigial piece of that Gekido story. Obviously, I'm not so sure we've seen the last of the ones in that stable who have been deposed, specifically 17 and combatANT, as I suspect they comprise Colony: X-Treme Force. Both groups have an affinity for mask removal, although there's one member unaccounted for. Could Tian Long figure in there if that's the case? Yes, but that would mean the Gekido and C:XF are connected.

I think there's a far better shot of Sapphire being involved, because Archibald Peck is a nexus-character in this whole thing. Sapphire showed up with post-C-Rex Peck in his Mysterious and Handsome Stranger guise. There's a theory posited over at Ole Wrestling that there are two Pecks, and the Stranger is the evil Peck. So, that would mean Sapphire is an evil talisman, a wicked general, or some kind of hypnotic force? If we get a collision of Pecks tomorrow, well, uh... my brain hurts, guys.

All in all though, Sapphire is the better shot to be involved than Tian Long, but both could very well show up there.

@robot_hammer asks if Jigsaw is really a rudo, and if he is, is he justified?

This was a question I asked myself a lot when it happened. We're programmed to think that betrayal is a heel turn, but what if there's no other way to get to the root of the problem. Quack betrayed his core principles by intentionally injuring 17 and then combatANT in the Gekido crisis. With 17, he wasn't even trying to get the pin with his attack. With combatANT, it was a post-match attack. Those are violations against the code, in addition to the cost of tangible things like wins and losses and points.

But that's dancing around the question. Is Jigsaw the real tecnico here, or is he a justified rudo? Or is he neither? I tend to think it's a little of the first two. WWE really isn't as vigilant with labeling their alignment, but they suck at shades of grey. Chikara labels them right on the roster page, but they do nuance so well. This is a feud steeped in nuance. Or at least it was before Quack got a hold of that No Private Army envelope...

A respite from the Chikara questions for now, @dskalba asks if the end of Smackdown last night showed that Daniel Bryan could be an anchor for WWE like Bret Hart or Shawn Michaels.

YES! YES! YES!

Or more specifically, I thought it was more evident as soon as he cashed in the briefcase at TLC '11 and let his personality get unleashed. I think it was always evident that he had more than just his wrestling skills, but like KSP and I discussed on the LANDMARK EPISODE 100 OF THE PODCAST LISTEN TO IT NOW IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, he never really had a chance to show it on a consistent basis on television or across several promotions like a CM Punk did. So the last year and a half has really been all about Bryan finding a groove, and of course, when the best in the goddamn world gets into a hot streak, you know every pitch thrown to him is a threat to get knocked out of the park.

@NDEddieMac wants to know where the F David Otunga is.

I was playing GeoGuessr and I think I saw him somewhere in Western Australia. Or wait, how many points did I get for that frame? Only 126? Then maybe it was Durban, South Africa? Or was that a doppelganger? Anyway, I'm with you, man. I need more argyle sweaters, shitty spinebusters, and of course, travel coffee mugs on my TV screen. Come back, Otunga! Come back!

If my idea for King of Trios La Loteria Letal doesn't come to fruition, which 16 trios do I want to see in the tourney this year, asks @mikepankowski?

Y'know, I was starting to think about fantasy booking the Trios lineup this week. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Anyway, here are my 16:

The Colony Fire Ant, Green Ant, assailANT
The Colony: X-Treme Force Orbit Adventure Ant, Arctic Rescue Ant, Missile Assault Ant
The Spectral Envoy UltraMantis Black, Hallowicked, Frightmare
The Batiri Kobold, Obariyon, Kodama
Pieces of Hate Jigsaw, The Shard, Kevin Steen
The Throwbacks Dasher Hatfield, Sugar Dunkerton, Mark Angelosetti
Devastation Corporation Axe Smashmaster, Blaster McMassive, Flex Rumblecrunch
Ronin United Icarus, Soldier Ant, Jakob Hammermeier
Baltic Siege Estonian Thunder Frog, Latvian Proud Oak, Lithuanian Snow Troll
Los Ice Creams Ice Cream Jr., El Hijo del Ice Cream, 2 Cold Scorpio
Team PWG Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, Adam Cole
Triple Tails Academy Mayumi Ozaki, Kana, Mio Shirai
Sendai Girls Meiko Satomura, Dash Chisako, Sendai Sachiko
The Daywalkers Gangrel, Matt Cage, Alex Castle
Team Texas ACH, Athena, Jojo Bravo
The Submission Squad Davey Vega, Evan Gelistico, Pierre Abernathy, Gary the Barn Owl

Also, can I just say how fargling awesome a name "Flex Rumblecrunch" is?

@KillFriskey wants to know my favorite pulled pork.

I've only recently become a fan of pulled pork, but I've had both the North Carolina style with the vinegar-based sauce and the "normal" style with the molasses/tomato sauce on it. It's a small sample size either way, but I think North Cackalacky wins out. I like the acidity that cuts through the richness of the pork, and those notes just brighten the meat up.

@LPishko asks what two Chikara personalities I'd send to WWE and which ones I'd send to TNA.

Well, I'd send Vavasseur and John Titor to TNA because fuck that company, they deserve Armageddon. Oops, did I say that out loud?

Anyway, the two guys whom I'd love to see tear it up in WWE would be Eddie Kingston and Tim Donst. Kingston, as his nickname states, is the last of a dying breed, a guy who looks tough even if he doesn't look like a South Beach pose-off Champ. In a land of chiseled pecs and eight pack abs, Kingston would be a breath of fresh air. Of course, I'm inviting snarky commentary from a physique-obsessed Vince McMahon yelping in Michael Cole's earpiece to make fun of the War King, but hey, as long as they give him a chance to show his wares, especially against olden-time rival Antonio Cesaro, it's a welcome compromise.

Donst would go as a replacement for Jack Swagger. He has amateur chops and unlike Swagger, has shown versatility to have more than the one dimension Swagger seems to have. If they need a brooding nihilist, current Donst does the trick. If they want cocky top heel ace, well, BDK Donst gets dialed up. If they want a bargain-basement Kurt Angle without the crippling drug addiction? Donst is your man for that too. More than anyone else, the guys in the Under the Hood main event would thrive best in WWE.

@BrianPickett asks if horses could wrestle in Chikara.

Of course they could, and I'm surprised they haven't yet. In fact, if the next graduate from the Wrestle Factory isn't someone named Eddie Equus, we have failed as a society.

Gregory Davis, photographer for Dirty Dirty Sheets, wants to know my thoughts about the tensions between some fans and the administration of Anarchy Championship Wrestling.

A lot of the frustrations can be seen bubbling to the surface in the Fanarchists Facebook group. While my dealings with ACW have been pretty good, even if their action has only been lip service so far, I can definitely see the change in direction even since Guilty by Association. Not coincidentally, that was Rachel Summerlyn's last show both as a performer in ACW as well as an agent/producer/booker/etc. backstage. Without really delving into reasons why she left, she was definitely the more even-tempered element of that backstage team. Darin Childs to me has always come off as a bit aloof. While that doesn't bother me, I can see how it rubs people the wrong way.

But it almost feels like those complaints have stemmed more from show quality rather than just Childs' attitude. I withhold judgment until I get to see any post-Rachel shows, but the word from people who actually go to ACW shows nowadays say it's not good. I hate to take their word for it sight-unseen though.

@sallen_87 gets down to brass tacks: who is my favorite Chikara wrestler ever, and what's my favorite Chikara match?

My favorite Chikara wrestler is a harder question to ask than favorite match, so let's do the match one first. I have a bunch of honorable mentions, including ACH/Touchdown from Indy this year, the King of Trios '12 final, the King of Trios '10 quarterfinal between the Colony and the BDK B-Team, Madison Eagles/Manami Toyota, and Eddie Kingston/Akira Tozawa, both from KoT '11 Night 3. However, my favorite match clearly is the third in that sequence, El Generico vs. the 1-2-3 Kid. It was a great last-gasp story for Waltman, and it was the moment when Generico was accepted into the Chikara fold completely.

My favorite Chikara wrestler ever, if we're stretching the boundaries to include everyone who's ever wrestled for them, would be Bryan Danielson. But that's a copout and I know it. So, in search for someone a bit more regular, my choice is the inimitable Queen of Wrestling herself, Sara del Rey. She made me believe that sexual organs shouldn't be segregating tools, and she was one of the most confident, soulful, and proficient wrestlers on the roster. I was totally bummed that she didn't get to win the Grand Championship before leaving.

Stephen T. Stone of the Complete Shot Blog asks what my favorite pre-BDK story in Chikara is.

This is hard for me, because I came in RIGHT before the BDK angle started. So basically, a lot of the main and ancillary stories happening at the time were placing roster members on a collision course for Three Fisted Tales, the show in December '09 where the BDK formed. So, for stories that I actually watched unfold, I'd go with the Colony vs. the Osirian Portal feud as my favorite, if just for how it ended with the Portal accepting defeat and turning tecnico. As for best story I found out afterwards about? It would have to be how Shayne Storm sold out the Chikara Special and became STIGMA. That was some genius-level stuff.

In honor of playoff hockey, @OkoriWadsworth asks what the chippiest match I've ever seen was.

Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Toshiaki Kawada, from June 3rd, 1994, was the first puroresu match I ever saw, and it was also the stiffest. Little did I know at the time that it was the norm for the All-Japan guys, but it really looked like they weren't holding back. I dug it a lot, and I still kinda do, even if I know it's a style that isn't optimal for the longterm health of the wrestlers. Some American matches saw their wrestlers try to emulate that chippiness, but nothing ever came close to me.

@p_holland posits the question that if everyone on the roster gets a shot at the Grand Championship, does it tout or dilute Chikara's roster?

I think in the case of Chikara, it mollifies the roster. It's a display of how credible each one of Kingston's challengers over the last year or so have been. There really wasn't a wrestler outside of Kingston's first challenger, Vin Gerard, whom I thought couldn't conceivably win the strap from him. WWE tries to make everyone look strong, but they use 50/50 booking, and everyone just looks milquetoast. Chikara has perfected how to temper a roster without the malaise that comes with ping-ponging wins and losses ad nauseam

@LPishko is back with a second question, if I could rebrand a Chikara wrestler completely, which one would I choose and how would I do it?

This is hard for me, because I think every character in Chikara has a well-fitting character. So, why not go back to the well of former characters and pull something out for a one-time roster member named Madison Eagles. Two of my favorite franchises in general entertainment, The Legend of Zelda and Avatar: The Last Airbender have used the idea of disguising one of its characters as someone mysterious in order to help free someone or something from evil capture. When Zelda dressed up as Sheik in Ocarina of Time, it was to aid Link in his quest to free the Kingdom of Hyrule from the grip of the evil Ganondorf. When Prince Zuko donned the mask of the Blue Spirit and rescued Avatar Aang from the clutches of Fire Nation forces, although that was more for personal, selfish gain.

Eagles' return to Chikara would be as a mysterious masked warrior, identity cloaked to the everyone, as a fighter to help free Chikara from the clutches of its current anarchy. Whether the big bad turns out to be Vavasseur, Titor, Delirious, Peck, or any heretofore unknown party, Eagles will return to help remind everyone that they are stronger as a unit, and that she herself can strike a deadly blow with her skills.

@JohnJohnPhenom is afraid of Chikara-time collapsing upon itself Sunday, and if that does happen, he wants to know what match I would be most sad about never seeing.

There are so many matches I really didn't see pre-King of Trios '09, so there are more matches that would be in play for me. I think the big one would be Mike Quackenbush vs. Jigsaw, the ultimate student-vs.-teacher battle in front of the backdrop of a post-apocalyptic wasteland? I don't know if Chikara would have a problem giving off a Star Wars-prequel vibe, but it might improve upon the Anakin Skywalker vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi final battle from Revenge of the Sith.

Finally, @Jessico09 closes out this week's mailbag with a question about... condiments? He wants to know my favorite mustard.

That would be Woeber's Sweet Hot Mr. Mustard. It has a light color, creamy consistency, and contains just the right amounts of sweetness, capsacin, and vinegary mustardness (to coin a word) that it goes perfectly on anything mustard was designed to go on. Try it on burgers, lunchmeat sandwiches, or hot dogs, but it goes best with kielbasa, if you ask me.