Wednesday, November 27, 2013

TH's Dream Survivor Series Matches: A Tip of the Hat to the Mandible Claw

IN my dream scenario, Damien Sandow and Ryback both believe in The Shield
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In the links I put up six hours ago, you should find one that directs you to The Mandible Claw's latest podcast featuring Danielle, Brandon, Thomas Shire, and Evan Gelistico shooting the shit about Survivor Series. While the beginning part of the show is out of date, the meat of the episode sees four friends fantasy booking their own traditional Survivor Series teams. I highly recommend it as a listen no matter when in the year one might come across this post.

Since I am unabashed in my tendencies to take inspiration from friends and run with it, I will name my own three Survivor Series matches laid down by the guidelines the foursome set on the podcast. One match will be culled from WWE superstars of today. Another match will be comprised of independent wrestlers. Finally, a third "dream" match drawing from any wrestler who ever lived will round out the selection. I am putting a further restriction on myself, I am not repeating any wrestlers, so guys who appear in the first two matches are out of consideration for the last one. So, without further ado, my Survivor Series dream teams:

WWE - Current
Team Rhodes Rockets - Cody Rhodes (Captain), Goldust, Big E. Langston, Dolph Ziggler, and Evan Bourne

vs.

The Intelligent Defenders - Damien Sandow (Captain), Ryback, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins

Yes, Evan Bourne is still on a WWE roster. I'm not sure when he's coming back as I've heard he has been cleared, but I miss that little dude bouncing all around the ring like a pinball. Anyway, he would join a team of two kinda established good guy squads. The Rhodes Boys have more all around chemistry, but Langston and Ziggler just made amends and are good for hopping in the fray.

As for the baddies, Sandow is ready to be a team leader at this kind of shindig, even if WWE seems not to know what the fuck they're doing with him. I'd imagine if anyone were intelligent enough to gain the respect of The Ryback or savvy enough to have had money to hire The Shield as his task force in WWE, that man would be the Intellectual Savior of the Masses. I've had a soft spot for The Big Guy since he was Skip Sheffield, so he's definitely got a spot on this team. And The Shield? As you guys will see as a theme in the next heel team, I can't mess with perfection too much.

Independent - Current
The Future Headliners of America - Green Ant (Captain), Kyle Matthews, Fred Yehi, Cedric Alexander, and Frightmare

vs.

Mount Rushmore - Adam Cole (Captain), Kevin Steen, Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, and Angel Blue

I won't lie; the white hats here are a collection of guys on the indies that I think are swell in the ring and who will usually make me seek out a card if I see they're wrestling on it. Green Ant, amazingly enough, probably has the most cache out of everyone, if only because he's been in such a high profile position in Chikara for a long time. He gets the captainship, but his charges aren't his inferiors in any way. Matthews is there to provide the old school Southern flair. Yehi's got the amateur chops. Alexander represents the uniquely crazy North Carolina brand of wrestling, while Frightmare is on the team to take an insane bump and to yell at people in order to scare them away.

Why mess with perfection on the rudo? Mount Rushmore as it is situated in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla combines the perfect nexus of jerks, scoundrels, and otherwise not nice people. Now that Icarus is on the straight and narrow, however, only one person from outside of their circle can complete the Voltron of awful humanity that holds court in Reseda once or twice a month. I'm talking about the foul-mouthed, loud-volumed, underhanded Anarchy Televised Champion and Queen of Queens herself, Angel Blue. She's the only wrestler who can add to that group's utter dickishness.

Dream
TH 3:16 - "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (1997, Captain), Daniel Bryan (2013), Eddie Guerrero (2004), ACH (2012), and Tommy Dreamer (1996)

vs.

Madness in All Directions - "The Macho Man" Randy Savage (1987, Captain), Mark Henry (2011), Owen Hart, Yokozuna (both 1995), and Chris Jericho (1998)

The above is pretty much a who's who of my favorite wrestlers ever. On the babyface team, I decided that Austin would captain since he's not the kind of guy who would play well if I told him to play lieutenant, even with the caliber of team I've put in front of him. Bryan and Guerrero are natural selections, and I gotta throw some love up to ACH for being the best wrestler in the year where I was most in tune with the independent scene. Dreamer is my sentimental pick, because that dude defined ECW for me, and for the longest time, ECW was my favorite promotion.

The heel team might be even more loaded. Starting with Savage as the captain, with all his manic energy and coked-up (allegedly) fury, he commands the Hall of Pain, the massive former WWF Champion, the King of Harts, and the wily conspiracy theory-toting man of 1,004 holds. Hell, this team might be the perfect team. I don't know if they'd sweep Austin's gang of merry heroes and underdogs, but I'm not sure anyone's taking out 2011 angry wig-splitting World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry.