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| Why should Bully Ray only appear at House of Hardcore for TNA's benefit? Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com |
First up, @JohnJohnPhenom asks my thoughts on TNA using its talent to promote their own shows at indie events but not allowing them to appear on indie shows that are taped for DVD or televised via Internet pay-per-view.
TNA pulls a scumbag move? I am not surprised in the least. Sure, the move is hypocrisy, and it hurts the talent and the companies who both book these guys and who are unable to book them. Sure, Family Wrestling Entertainment probably loves having Eric Young on board, but don't you think they'd love even more to be able to charge money to more than just the live gate for the chance to see Young? Or, wouldn't companies like Wrestling Is..., Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, Absolute Intense Wrestling, Anarchy Championship Wrestling, and other companies that make their bread and butter on video sales like to have the chance to book Chris Sabin or even Austin Aries?
However, for as miserly and self-serving as Dixie Carter and her band of corporate twits are, these companies like FWE or House of Hardcore are willingly allowing TNA to come onto their shows and promote whatever godawful slop they want fans to pay for. These promoters need to develop some gumption and tell TNA no, we don't want to have your wrestlers on the show unless we can profit more widely off them. If TNA wants to flex their wildly overrated muscle to squeeze a few more shekels out of its talent without the benefit of more dates to make money (I mean, how curious is the fact that more and more TNA guys are making indie appearances as the parent company is cancelling house show dates?), then they need to be forced to play hardball.
Dan Vecellio of Black Shoe Diaries asks when the last good Survivor Series event was in my estimation.
Survivor Series has been kind of a dud pay-per-view in the grand scheme of the WWE's pantheon, although of the Big Four, the only one with a track record of success year after year tends to be The Royal Rumble. However, 2010 will have a soft spot in my heart if only because it was the night Sheamus showed the world what John Morrison was good at - getting his ass whomped. The show also featured two neat matches for secondary titles (Bryan/DiBiase and Ziggler/Kaval), a pretty good traditional elimination tag, and the ultimate botch announcer call, when Matt Striker joyously proclaimed that John Cena was free of the Nexus' servitude when the opposite was the case after Randy Orton defeated RED BELLY to keep the WWE Championship. This year's show is lining up to be pretty good as well, even if I'm still a bit miffed that we're not getting an epic twelve-man elimination match with the Shield and Wyatt Family teaming up against Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, the Rhodes Boys, and the Usos.
@brandon120 asks which ten NXT superstars I think should already be up on the main roster.
I hesitate to agree with the spirit of this question because in all actuality, where are ten NXT guys fitting on the current WWE roster? When guys like Dolph Ziggler, the Prime Time Players, and Christian languish with no other reason to do so except for a total lack of time appropriation, I find playing swap-out with NXT dudes and dudettes to be difficult. However, rather than dodge the question...
1. Paige
2. Emma
WWE needs an injection of fresh faces in their women's division almost as much as they need a change in direction for the neglected gender. Both Paige and Emma would provide outstanding matchups in the ring for AJ Lee, and maybe adding them into the fray will give other wrestlers like the Bellas, the Funkadactyls, and Kaitlyn reason to wrestle other than "hm, Total Divas?"
3. Enzo Amore
4. Colin Cassady
I know Amore is hurt right now, but before his injury, he and Big Cass were more than ready for the main roster. I would have had them beat the ever-loving stuffing out of Zack Ryder to take his spot as the New York-based party boy gimmick.
5. Sami Zayn
Zayn's ascension from "new guy" to the face of NXT should have clued everyone in WWE's HR department that he was ready for prime time ever since he still wore the Generico mask and engaged in bloodfests with Kevin Steen across arenas in America for two years running. I don't know how much more seasoning he needs.
6. Bo Dallas
Dallas needs the call-up for the exact opposite that Zayn does. He needs the seasoning that he got in NXT in order to morph from happy-go-lucky generic face to Rocky Maivia mk. 2: THIS TIME WE'RE SELF AWARE. If he stays in NXT for too long, then he'll have less time to get the WWE fans to hate him for being shoved down their throats before someone better or with a more defined, readier character surpasses him.
7. Sylvester LeFort
8. Alexander Rusev
I love that the manager is coming back into chic in WWE, first with Paul Heyman and now with Zeb Colter. LeFort as a svengali collecting talent seems so natural for him, and obviously, Rusev tickles my hoss fancy.
9. Adrian Neville
Yeah, I don't need to explain this one.
10. Leo Kruger
Kruger is one of those "last chance" guys who've been in developmental forever but haven't gone anywhere. When he was FCW Champion, I could see why he was still down there. Now, they gave him a tangible character, and he's actually really good, both in and out of the ring. Let him be Kraven in the bigs.
@MySharona1987 wants to know on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being Ian Rotten) how scummy TNA is for giving Zema Ion heat for trying to fundraise his surgery costs.
If the rumors are true, then they break the scale. Getting mad at someone for raising money to pay for cancer treatment after you don't provide insurance or cough up the money to pay for his treatments is lower than low. It's subhuman villainy. That being mentioned, dirt sheet writers love piling on TNA. Any other company and I might be skeptical about them embellishing the truth, but then again, TNA usually is just as bad as what the rep says.
@OhWowHmm asks if I've ever seen a girl.
They let girls wrestle, I think. So, yes.
@OkoriWadsworth wants me to build my ideal Avengers team.
The leader/SHIELD liaison would still be Nick Fury, Samuel L. Jackson variant. Field leader would be Iron Man, because the dude's got the tech and the cash to make shit happen. Second would be Captain Marvel, the Carol Danvers variant, because she's got the supernatural powers and wouldn't be tied to Asgard like a chump. Third, since Peter Parker's dead for now, let's replace him with the Miles Morales Spider-man. Instead of the volatility of the Incredible Hulk, let's bring in his cousin, the super-strong but in-control She-Hulk. Let's round out the team with a couple of mutants, Hank McCoy for a combination of strength and smarts, and Storm for always ideal weather conditions.
@PatrickEhland has two questions this week. First, what's the best face of Mick Foley and why?
My nascent WWF fandom might be talking here, but Mankind has always been my favorite. Foley as Dude Love has heartwarming capabilities, and Cactus Jack gets points for being the original persona, but Mankind had so many layers. I always dug the self-flagellating aspect of his character, and he was so great in gritty, grimey brawls against Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, and pre-Crisis Triple H. Foley's a great performer in any right, but Mankind is his best iteration.
Second, did I see the fatal Owen Hart accident live?
No, but oddly enough, my brother and his friends were watching the pay-per-view at the time. I was on the teetering edge of whether I wanted to be a fan again, and actually, the memorial RAW the next night was my reentry back into full-time fandom.
#DoLoThroDo Champion @PhilKenSaban asks what the worst finisher I've ever seen is.
The worst regular finishing move I've ever seen is the Overdrive/Play of the Day/whatever the stupid move that doesn't look like it hurts because it's just a dude's head resting on a guy's leg the whole time. I don't see an impact on it, and the move looks both dangerous and complicated at the same time. Yet WWE kept giving it to dudes because, uh, I don't know? A special shoutout goes to John Morrison's Starship Pain, because he never, EVER hit it cleanly, and the victim would have to sell an ankle that may have grazed his arm like he just got an anvil dropped on his chest.
The worst-executed single instance finisher I've ever seen was when Brock Lesnar fucked up the shooting star press at WrestleMania XIX. I seriously thought he killed himself and that Kurt Angle was going to have to win just to save face. The idea was on point, but Lesnar just didn't rotate enough. Thank God he didn't really end up hurting himself too badly.
@BrianPickett wants to know which wrestler Nick Saban is going to manage after he signs with WWE this offseason.
In classic Saban fashion, he'll sign everyone in NXT, bring them all up, and only play Colin Cassady, Alexander Rusev, Mason Ryan, and Mojo Rawley. They'll win all the titles in quick fashion. No one will be able to beat them, but they'll win every match with a 60 minute headlock. Fans of his will proclaim it to be "BIG BOY RASSLIN," and everyone who does anything exciting in the ring will be shouted down as being a "DANG SPOT MONKEY WHO AIN'T SEC, PAWWWWL." Oh, and that reminds me, Paul Finebaum will get a WWE contract, only he'll end up being a slight improvement over Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler.
The fine folks at Explorations in Pro Wrestling ask my opinion of a four-sided ring vs. a six-sided one, and whether a three-sided ring could work.
I like both rings for different purposes. The six-sided ring worked for TNA because it provided more things for their aerially-inclined roster to bounce off. Even if the surface area of the ring wasn't larger than a four-sided WWE ring, the geometry made the action feel more wide open. I think for companies with a lot of high-flyers who can't afford the 20x20 WWE mammoth ring, the hexagon would be a better option than the smaller rings.
As for a triangular ring, I could get used to one if I saw it enough, but right now, I can't wrap my mind around one. Three sides feels too enclosing, too claustrophobic.
@LPishko has two questions. First, he asks what the reason was King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd never held the Tag Team Championships.
When Bundy and Studd teamed, the philosophy towards titles was different than it was in the Attitude Era, but not much different than it is today. WWE had plenty of wrestlers who were title caliber but who didn't win them all that often. Today, the same thing seems to be taking place. I don't have a doubt that the Prime Time Players or Usos could be great Tag Team Champions, but for whatever reason, WWE doesn't want to put the belts on them. Meanwhile, in 1998, both teams might have traded the belts between each other and with the New Age Outlaws and whatever mongrel tag team WWE would have put together to use as deus ex machina for whatever scatterbrained midcard story they wanted to tell. My point? The Attitude Era was hella overrated.
Second, he wants to know if I've ever had any paranormal experiences.
Actually, one time, when I was still living in my parents' house, I woke up in the early morning, only to find an elderly black gentleman who looked strangely like deposed Congolese dictator Mobutu Sese Seko, only in a trucker cap instead of his military cap, descending upon me looking to suffocate me. I hadn't taken any hallucinogens the night before, and I had never been prone to seeing things that weren't there before, so I guess for whatever reason, a dead dictator wanted to choke me out. I survived, obviously... OR DID I?
Scott T. Holland of Irresistible vs. Immovable asks why I think WWE doesn't produce podcasts, and whether the YouTube presence is a reason.
I'm surprised as well. While the hegemony of YouTube as dominant form of non-canon plot advancement makes sense given how visual an art wrestling is and how much the top brass in WWE get that, the Dot Com folks and wrestlers seem to have a degree of autonomy outside of the main narrative. Maybe vanity is the reason, in that wrestlers in WWE want to be seen rather than just heard. Maybe guys or gals don't think they can do a podcast in-character and don't want to do one out of it. Maybe they have too much respect for Colt Cabana and Steve Austin. But I don't think I have an answer for this question other than to say I'm baffled why WWE doesn't have official podcasts as well.
@Oh_No_Romo wants my dirt sheet power rankings.
1. TMZ - Whether one likes their tactics or not, they do seem to get their wrestling reporting right more than not. They also broke the Darren Young-out-of-the-closet story (I know, I know, it was probably a plant, but still) and treated it with the most respect.
2. Dave Meltzer - As much as I kvetch about him, the man is the innovator in the field. He also is a good curator of wrestling history, regardless of how dry his writing style is.
3. Wade Keller - He seems to be the writer with the most liberal slant, which makes him an innovator himself in the field.
4. Jason Powell - He's a decent reporter, but man, his sense of humor is awful. Sharp drop-off after Keller, to be honest. Actually, sharp drop-off after non-dirt sheet wrestling writers before TMZ, but yeah.
5. Mike Johnson - I might have more respect for him if he didn't source his awful opinions about wrestling to his juvenile relatives.
6. Bryan Alvarez - "Hey, let me spend five paragraphs bashing how dangerous this Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett match is and then give it *** and 34/71 as a rating!" He also needs to learn paragraph breaks, how to make analogies, and proper tilde use.
7. Every cut and paste dude ever - Their anonymous sources are the dudes who use anonymous sources to report their rumors. Plagiarism, especially of the nebulous, is awful.
8. Dave Scherer - He should never have quit his day job.
@bdbdbdbd is requesting the perfect Thanksgiving menu.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year because a holiday that celebrates professional wrestling doesn't fully exist yet (I'm gonna give National Pro Wrestling Day a few more years to catch on before I declare it such). Also, Thanksgiving celebrates food and football, which c'mon now. Anyway, the football portion is covered nicely with the Lions early, the Cowboys late, and a random game even later. I don't care how bad the Lions are, Thanksgiving is not Thanksgiving without watching them, nor is it Thanksgiving without a healthy does of potential Cowboys schadenfreude. Believe you me, more embarrassing Cowboys moments have happened on Thanksgiving than not.
But the food, yeah, the food is king. You gotta start while the main meal is cookin'. For the early game, you gotta have snacks out. These pickies have to be flavorful and unique, but light at the same time. So I would go with a crudite tray with some kind of non-ranch dressing dip, some pickles and olives, and a spinach dip with a non-dense bread. Now, as someone who has married into a family of full-blooded Italians, I have discovered their traditions of eating Italian stuff as an appetizer. So, sometime around halftime of the Lions game, I would wheel out some Italian wedding soup, and between the final gun there and kickoff of the Cowboy game, I'm gonna roll out with some charcuterie. Normally, my family does some kind of baked pasta dish, like stuffed shells, but I feel they're too heavy and take away from the main feast. However, just a little bit of sopressata and prosciutto with fresh mozzarella cheese and I'm good.
Now, the main course! I'm not a Thanksgiving hardliner when it comes to protein, but I've always enjoyed my holiday anchored by a turkey. However, I am the kind of guy who will risk house and home for flavor, so you're damn right I'm deep frying that bird. I'm also going to be having an Italian sausage/challah bread/leek stuffing to go with it because if you're gonna make stuffing, you go big or go home. Speaking of going big or going home, I've always experienced Thanksgiving through the lens of having a billion starch options, so in addition to stuffing, let's get some rich and buttery mashed potatoes and baked macaroni and cheese for a Cerberus of carbs.
You gotta have vegetables too, no matter what anyone says. I can take or leave green bean casserole, so let's leave it off the menu. Instead, let's put some Brussels sprouts sauteed in bacon, broccoli au gratin, and haricots verts almondine. Fancy. To round out the spread, I'm going to put some homemade buttermilk biscuits and this cranberry Jell-O mold with apples and walnuts that my wife makes. Cranberry sauce is nice, but I like to have some flair.
After everyone's had a chance to digest, I roll out with the dessert, and Thanksgiving dessert calls for pies as far as the eye can see. Pumpkin pie, apple pie, apple crumb pie, coconut cream pie, pecan pie, shoo-fly pie, Boston cream pie, and just to round things out, vanilla ice cream to allow for some a la mode options. After that, I loosen the belt and choose whether I want to watch whatever's on NFL Network or maybe throw on a wrestling DVD if I get a butt matchup like Jaguars/Titans or whatever.
@robot_hammer wants my take on the man who seems to be the hottest topic in the wrestling blogosphere in the last couple of days, the booking treatment of The Ryback.
A lot of the hysteria around The Ryback seems to be fueled by reported rumors that he has "heat" backstage for various reasons. I don't know whether he's fallen out of favor backstage, because of course these rumors are anonymously sourced. The booking bears out to "prove" these reports, but I tend to think his shit booking is pretty standard for a lot of characters, heel or otherwise, that WWE has just ran out of ideas for.
The shame part of it all is that Ryback could be a fixture for them on shows. He can wrestle, he can talk, he has presence. The stories they've chosen to tell with him have had promise, but they haven't followed through. Whether the reason is because of WWE's alleged petty treatment of employees or creative incompetence to me is irrelevant. Something's wrong in WWE, and it needs to be fixed.
@HummerX wants to know who hurt Lance Storm and made him the most miserable prick in all wrestling.
If you had asked me this question a year ago, I might have chalked it up to him living his gimmick. But he hangs out a lot with the Wrestling Observer crowd, one that I feel the majority of which wouldn't know comedy if it tried to sell them an "I Tap Boys" shirt. I could still have chalked it up to him living his gimmick, but he also said he finds Big Bang Theory to be funny. So yeah.
@Jessico09 wants an agree/disagree on whether "I Love You Always Forever" is an underrated jam.
The late '90s was a weird time for pop music, man. The scene was in that weird period after the first wave of boy bands faded out and before Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys broke the scene wide the fuck open for the modern era. So both rap and alternative rock were at their peaks in mainstream relevance, at least in my perception they were. Even female pop singers like Meredith Brooks and Paula Cole had a gritty edge to them. So Donna Lewis' entry into the one hit wonder ledger felt inexplicable. But I'm dodging your question. I think the song has aged well, maybe even better than a lot of the acts I was into at the time. I don't know how it's remembered enough to think it as underrated, overrated, or properly rated. Let's call it a bit underrated for the sake of argument though.
Kyle Kensing of Bleacher Report's Pac-12 Blog asks my thoughts on Gabe Sapolsky.
I don't know if you know this, but I kinda hate the guy. I know I didn't exactly bury the lede there, but I don't really think he's that good a booker anymore. EVOLVE and DGUSA are creative morasses built on vague buzzwords rather than real stories. He also has no people skills. Forget the story of him yelling at a kid to evacuate the premises at WrestleCon when he just wanted to get a picture with Frightmare. Have you ever seen the fine print on his event pages? They read like riot acts.
In all fairness though, he was the booker during Ring of Honor's salad days, and I'm not sure how much credit I can give the company's roster, no matter how awesome it was, without his direction. Jim Cornette, Vince Russo, and Dutch Mantell booked successful promotions once before though, but I wouldn't want them helming a company today.
@hakimdropsball has two for the bag. First, wants to know my favorite Simpsons episode.
Oh man, I don't want to be callous as to say this decision would be like picking a favorite child. However, golden age Simpsons is chock full of classic eps. I've done lists before ranking them, but man, my opinions change on this show like the wind. The cliche answer would be "You Only Move Twice," but only because Hank Scorpio is the best ever one-episode character in any television series. "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson" was pretty iconic as well. I'll always have a soft spot for "Kamp Krusty," because that episode galvanized my Simpsons fandom. "Grade School Confidential" is the sentimental pick because of Marcia Wallace for me. Oh man.
But right now, if I had to pick, I'll go with "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer," because it combined a healthy dose of heart with batshit insanity and great use of supporting characters. Plus, any episode with Johnny Cash as a talking coyote and the phrase "Guatemalan Insanity Peppers" sits well with me.
Second, if Daniel Bryan doesn't win the WWE Championship, is his story a failure?
Yes. I'm a big proponent of stories being held in more esteem over titles, but Bryan's story was set up that he was chasing the WWE Championship, and the mantel of "face of WWE" that went with it, and the Authority didn't want him to have it. If he's not the one to end Randy Orton's reign, then the story will have ended with the shithead heels being vindicated in the highest profile story in the company. While that story can be told theoretically, in this case, I don't see it ending well if Bryan doesn't win the title.
@ray_fuck knows that, much like Scott Steiner, the most important things in my life are my freaks and my peaks. But of the two, which one is more important?
Since I don't have peaks, I'm gonna go with my freaks. And my freaks are all you readers. *cue emotional catharsis music*
@mikepankowski asks if I think Wrestling Is Fun is going to stick around after Chikara comes back.
I'll go one further. Not only am I entirely, 100% sure Wrestling Is Fun! will stick around, all the Wrestling Ises (Wrestlings Are?) promotions will come back once this story is resolved. WIF! didn't feel like it meant to be the start of an entire movement within Chikara. I thought it was a way for Chikara to return to its home cradle of the Lehigh Valley and run shows to season its talent. The satellite promotions, however, felt like ways to ingratiate wrestlers like the School of Roc grads, Darin Corbin, and Eric Corvis into the Chikaraverse without needing them to be on more than one or two Chikara shows a year. My feelings could be misleading me here, but I feel like once everything's reestablished, not only will Chikara be back, but so will the entire Wrestling Is CHIKARA! framework as well.
@OkCoolThanks has two questions. First, who is my favorite "bad" wrestler to watch in the ring and vice versa.
My favorite "bad" wrestler is Ryback. I see him accrue so much slander, and I don't see it. The guy wrestles squash matches well. He rose to the occasion on a few big-stage matches, especially against CM Punk in that TLC match on the first RAW of the year. He has great crispness on his offense, and he's a great canvas for guys like Daniel Bryan to counterwrestle. I could watch Ryback matches all day and not get bored.
My least favorite "good" wrestler is Lance Storm. He gets a lot of praise for his matches, but I can't remember ever enjoying him against anyone, whether supposedly on his level or worse than him. I love great technicians. Storm is not a great technician. He's boring and mechanical.
Second, he wants me to imagine a quantum time rift that sends 1996 Paul Heyman into the early '80s AWA and 1982 Verne Gagne to early ECW. Which one would I rather watch?
Given that I wasn't even a year old yet in 1982 and haven't watched any AWA from that period, I'm in the dark on how well Gagne booked his territory before he became a stubborn old man (which wouldn't be too much later, sadly). Then again, I don't think I would have had to watch the product to know his dickteasing of Hulk Hogan as Champion was not a good call. I think Heyman would have put the belt on Hogan and caused a massive rift on what wrestling would have turned out as, right? Would Junkyard Dog have been as effective in the Hogan role in the WWF? Would McMahon have even gone with JYD? Would the AWA still be around today? I think I'd rather watch Heyman's take and see where wrestling would have gone.
@chudleycannons also has two questions. First, he asks about the rumor that Dr. Cube wants to make Tucor even scarier.
Second, he wants to know if I've mastered saying "Premier" like English people with respect to the EPL.
@jackcantcook wants to know why wrestlers kept asking Bad News Brown to be on their Survivor Series teams even though he kept refusing?
To be quite fair to the people asking, wouldn't you want the unbridled aggression of one of the first agile hosses on your team? At the time, Brown was as aggressive as he was disagreeable. Human nature dictates that people want to change others or want what they can't attain.
@Kenzaki24 asks outside of the obvious choices, what is the best Eddie Guerrero match ever?
I assume the "obvious choices" are matches against He Who Shall Not Be Named, Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, and Kurt Angle. So, let's rewind all the way back to the Super J Cup '94, first round, Black Tiger vs. TAKA Michinoku. The match didn't get a whole lot of time, but it certainly was spiffy regardless.
Finally, @cursethedark asks how disappointing OVW was at churning out WWE-ready talent.
I have to wonder whether their track record was a function of Danny Davis and his school, WWE scouts are better at eyeing talent, or if wrestlers today are just better. I mean, OVW was where Matt Sydal and CM Punk both got their post-indies seasoning, and they did finish John Cena and produce Randy Orton and Batista. But then again, for every Cena, OVW seemed to produce three Basham Bros. I wonder how much better their track record would have seemed if Nick Dinsmore didn't have all those demons and wasn't saddled with the Eugene gimmick, a fine what if question that I'm not sure I can answer indeed.
