Monday, January 6, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, January 6

Big ups, Inspire Pro (I see you, Paige Turner)
Photo Credit: Fermin Perez
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 1) - Inspire Pro Wrestling's fourth show, the Ecstasy of Gold, more than sold out the Marchesa Theater last night, which is impressive for a promotion in its infancy. I credit this to Summerlyn calling the action. No, in all seriousness, a huge congratulations from me to all the staff, wrestlers, promoters, and fans of that company is in order. Keep growing, keep changing wrestling, keep doin' work.

2. AJ Lee (Last Week: 2) - Next season, Total Divas had better be nothing but AJ Lee whacking people over the head with her title while skipping around various landmarks, or else I riot/

3. Jennifer Lawrence (Last Week: 9) - If she replaces Charlie Strong as Louisville's head football coach, sorry, Penn State, I'm bleeding Cardinal Red next season.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 3) - I've seen him in his new, Wyatt Family-approved get up. He looks like he's gearing up to do work at an oil refinery. Of course, if Bryan were to work for one of the oil companies, my guess is emissions would reduce by 34%.

5. Creamed Chipped Beef (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - All it contains are dried beef, milk, flour, and butter, but goddamn, it's delicious. Try it over potatoes.

6. Paige Turner (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Her debut in Inspire Pro last night caused the crowd to chant "Shh!" Sorry, that rules.

7. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - Look, I know he got his wig split against Brock Lesnar last week, but he didn't back down, got blindsided, and well, sometimes, you gotta get your egg cracked a couple of times to make an omelet.

8. Ricky Morton (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He won the NWA Jr. Heavyweight Championship Saturday. Now, nothing is junior about Morton, but I still have a soft spot for maybe the greatest babyface tag worker ever.

9. Michael Elgin (Last Week: 5) - Sure, he beat ACH, but I do like me a crafty Champion.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: She doesn't make New Year's Resolutions, mainly because she's still got the 132-month calendar that Portia Perez got her for Christmas in 2009. All the the months just run together anymore.