Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Best Coast Bias: This Episode Is A Big Show

We the unconscious
Photo Credit:
...and we are all Jack Swagger.  Was there any sort of glimmer of hope in an hour equivalent to 99 cent Jack in the Box tacos: easily consumed and evaporated the minute they've done so?


...buffering...ah, jeez...

5) I'm not afraid I've got Good News: Wade Barrett's career is off of life support.
The only problem for WWE is he may be turning himself babyface, at least if the bass in the fans chanting Let's Go Barrett and Bad News whilst he throws the Hammer at the likes of Sin Cara are any indication.  Him v. Sheamus in the semis of the Intercontinental Championship #1 contendership tournament next Monday should be fun and stiffer than an IT guy watching an Asa Akira marathon.

4) Crowds love midgets fighting.
There was supposed to be a Los Matadores/McMahal 3MB iteration tag match to kick off the show, but instead a version of Super Astros broke out instead.  Apparently this went back to the Hall of Fame ceremony, and as a result of it Hornswoggle and El Torito have veal.  Not The Onion.  So after about two minutes of the idea of the match happening, the midgets went at it for about 5, in the course of so doing rolling over the referee slowly picking off every fully grown man with a series of crotch shots until they were able to throw air guitars and air thrusts at each other, at which point tiny, tiny blows commenced.  Do I make the joke about Nashville or would you like to?

3) That punch, tho
There's a difference between "the way Swagger's been losing lately" and "land monster socks you in the jaw" (see above).  He might not be able to eat a Swaggie, and I hear they're delicious.


Just a friendly reminder: the WWE video package crew is far, far better at what they do for a living than whatever it is you pretend to do for work.

1) A new narrative thread in Diva Junction.
Whither AJ? is a Choose Your Own Adventure right now, depending on who and where you get your hot goss from.  She's injured, she quit, she's on hiatus, she ordered the Code Red, Hail Hydra, whatever.  But with her out and with it her rightful rematch, someone had to take the #1 contendership spot against Paige...and it's Tamina.  The 10-woman battle royale to get the shot at Extreme Rules went by faster than you can read this; so quickly there wasn't even room for me to list Eva Marie with the rest of the combatants.

Let's go with her being eliminated first as why.  Emma barely lasted longer, Layla botched the setup for her own elimination -- have I mentioned this show wasn't that good? -- but now there's the possibility of a good match without 2013's North Star to point the way.  Tamina's kicks have been viciously on point lately, and as evidenced on Monday night when Paige is landing hard kicks of her own or putting on the Scorpion Crosslock she's getting the crowd behind her.  Plus, Tamina can be used as a plot point: can she succeed where AJ failed?  Is she just going to beat up Paige to soften her for the rematch?  What if she wants to be Champion but AJ's thinking more along the lines of the prior question when ridiculous things like a Vicki Invitational have been wiped off of the grid?

And we made it.  Now let us never speak of the shortcut again.