Monday, June 30, 2014

Dispatches from the Lake: Superstars, Getting There

Why couldn't this match get more time?
Photo Credit:
This was almost a procrastination edition again, guys. I managed to resist the lure of the Steam Summer Sale for you, dear readers. That's how much I care about WWE's lowest tier programming.

Our first match of the evening is Adam Rose vs Heath Slater. They actually reference their match from a few weeks ago, which was shocking. They look like their building a little feud here, which is a step in the right direction. A step in the exact opposite direction was the length. The match was way too short, like under five minutes short. What the hell?

Adam Rose needs to find a better way to get people into the Party Foul. It was a little too 'let me gently grab your head and then slam it against the mat'. It didn’t really work for me in this instance. Everything else was solid. Slater and Rose both got in powerful looking offense. Slater came out with some fierceness, but then he got pinned too quickly. Give these guys some time and see what they can really do.

Second match pitted Rybaxel against R-Truth and Xavier Woods. We got a backstage interview with Rybaxel, which Superstars could use more of. Let all of these guys have more screen time on these second tier shows. If anything else, they can work on their mic skills and their characters. Use the time you have! There’s a whole Network chock full of time to let these people breathe. That being said, Rybaxel works really well together. I love Axel as Ryback’s doofus little buddy.

This match was solid too. The crowd got really into it. There was some fun back and forth. Everyone was able to get their offenses in, and nobody looked weak. They had a ton more time to work with than the first match. Rybaxel got the decisive win after Axel pulled R-Truth out of the ring, allowing Ryback to nail with Shellshocked.

I do have to ask, why were there commercial breaks during this match? Why can’t we wait until after the match to advertise for the event on Sunday? I just don’t get it.

1000 Years of Solid Recaps

I think there’s been enough said about the Vickie Guerrero and Stephanie McMahon stuff, but can I just say how much I adore Big Bad Steph. She’s just this vile, horrible human being, and it’s outstanding. She’s totally her father’s daughter.

I am a little sad that it was all about Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose in the traditional Money in the Bank match. Not that I'm not interested in the yarn they're spinning, but why can’t we get some stories for the other guys going into the match? Why couldn’t RAW have been mostly been play in matches for Sunday? Just a little extra flavor is all I ask for, like with Rob van Dam. I like how they had him come out and try to give Rollins some shit. I say try, because I really don’t understand how RVD’s ‘you were young when I was already wrestling’ stinger is supposed to be hurtful. It just came off as him basically saying "I’m old and no longer relevant."

And then we come to Captain Ineffectual Rides Again. Why am I, or anyone else in the wide world of sports, supposed to find Kane threatening? He’s done nothing worthy of fear. NOTHING. He’s more impotent now than after that whole Embrace the Hate travesty from a few years ago. Why would anyone think he could win the match Sunday? Call him a demon all you want, but that’s not doing anything to help his mystique. So, Kane comes out and ‘lays waste’ to everyone in the ring, then gets immediately murked by Roman Reigns. Here’s me, trembling in my jammies. Either go all the way with Kane, or let’s move on please.

Random Thoughts

  • Americana Tavern Wench needs a little more enthusiasm in her cheering-Adam-Rose game
  • WWE has no idea what exclusive means. If your clip is exclusive to, and you show it on Raw, Superstars, Main Event, the App, and the rest, it isn’t considered exclusive anymore
  • Khal Drogo’s apparently in a WWE Films movie. If he’s not ripping tongues out through slit throats, I’m not interested
  • I’m all about that lamb mask with the Buddy Holly glasses in the crowd, but I’m even more about the Skeletor on the Ryback’s singlet. Real talk: Love, love, LOVE the crap fest that is the Masters of the Universe live action movie from the 80s.