Thursday, June 5, 2014

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 79

STOP MAKING ME RELIVE IT, .GIF
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning. Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

No foreshadowing of Seth Rollins' motivations is what kills this angle for me, to be honest. If they had worked something into the pay-per-view match, or even the Extreme Rules match, that would have signified some kind of reason for him to bail, I might have been more okay with it than I am now. Which is to say, I would have been somewhat okay with it instead of the NOPE. that I am right now. Every action has to have a motivation, and right now, because Rollins hasn't had a chance to explain himself, no real motivation exists. Having someone do something for the heck of it just doesn't work unless it's their stated goal.

Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish on Game of Thrones is a prime example of an agent of chaos who has said on a few occasions that he's lighting powder kegs for the heck of it. But for him, attaining the ultimate goal, the Iron Throne, is tangible through him helping the force of entropy take hold in Westeros. Rollins has proven that he can get WWE power without Triple H's help, and WWE history has proven that the position of authority figure is the most volatile. Even if the only way to singles glory was either with Triple H's blessing or without him in charge, couldn't he have just waited another month or so for Vince McMahon to get back?

Maybe I'm not a reliable source for objective analysis here because The Shield was one of my favorite things about WWE broadcasting for the last year-plus. If any WWE group was to stay together forever like the Four Horsemen, it should have been them. But if they were going to break up, warning signs should have been there before the deed happened. It just doesn't make sense right now, and forgive me if I don't have any faith in WWE to follow it up with some grand master plan right now.

My kneejerk answer here would be a variation on a themed wrestling show, like a tag team show or a women's wrestling show, or even a riff on the Beyond Wrestling secret show concept where a selected group of fans gets to sit in on shows featuring NXT/unused WWE guys riffing and self-booking. However, the former two shows might do more harm than good to their respective divisions, and WWE is probably not ready for the latter, especially when the wrestlers start booking their own intergender matches and showing up the agents and writers on how the world should really work. Anyway, I digress.

The show I'd watch more than anything else would be an all-wrestling personality version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the show where the points are made up and the results don't matter. Joe Drilling said to me on his episode of the podcast (remember when I had a podcast guys?) that he thinks every wrestler should take an improv class if he/she wanted to get in the biz. Basically, wrestling at its core is improv, although in WWE, it's more scripted in the ring than out of it anymore. However, putting the focus on extensions of personalities and developing charisma through performance might revitalize character work and promos on the main show. Not only would it be entertaining, it could serve as practice. Besides, who wouldn't want to see various wrestlers out of their elements for amusement purposes only?

Nothing in wrestling is ever FUBAR. The quickest fix would be to have him stop focusing on how bad a "bitch" Stephanie McMahon is and start addressing his legitimate grievances using his big boy voice. And furthermore, he should probably start addressing John Cena in all of this as well. If I were in Bryan's position, I might be a little resentful that Cena is taking it upon himself to be the world's worst spokesman. I secretly hope that direction is where this story is headed, because if Bryan ends up being cleared to work in time for SummerSlam, I would rather see him in there vs. Cena one more time instead of against Brock Lesnar, which is what's rumored.

If that definition of a great ending is put in play, then yes, I might be inclined to agree. However, in art (and wrestling is art, don't let anyone tell you otherwise), definitions are hardly absolute. I may end up being wrong about the whole ordeal in the long term, but right now, The Shield was a thing that I didn't think ever had to end in any capacity. They had the chance to be the exception to the rule in WWE, that friendships are only made to be broken. Of course, no accounting for taste exists, and I know I could be in the extreme minority with my resistance to this happening. But I won't let my objections die, dammit, no matter what Greek philosophers may have said.

Someone from a message board I used to frequent sent me a tape that I had requested of some Japanese wrestling that included the 1994 Super J Cup tournament won by [REDACTED], and the most famous All-Japan Pro Wrestling match of the '90s, Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Toshiaki Kawada from June 3, 1994. I actually wanted to write about that match since the anniversary came up on Tuesday, but I just never got around to doing it. I remember watching it and being amazed at how many times they spammed moves like the powerbomb and German suplex, and yet the match didn't feel like it was getting old or repetitive. That tape came in the mail sometime in the year 2000. For as big as wrestling was in the late '90s, it was amazing how limited the scope was unless you wanted to import stuff from Japan or Mexico.

Because I'm so protective of The Shield name and dynastic lineage, I would make Rollins a sleeper agent within Evolution to take them out once and for all from within. I would certainly prolong the operation for longer than Daniel Bryan was "held captive" by the Wyatt Family, but I would go full bore. The first part of Rollins' plan, the elimination and alienation of Batista, was carried out to perfection. While inside Evolution, he will help them attain brass rings on the surface, but he would also be working to drive the wedge between Triple H and Randy Orton that was initially struck back in the fall when they first started having friction. Then, once Orton has been driven away from the fold, Rollins would strike last, taking Trips out when he was about to do the unthinkable and finally reclaim the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. He is, after all, the brains of the operation. This plan would be a perfect way to drive that point home.

While I'm a huge fan of things like Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, or Game of Thrones, would I really want to be thrust into a war-torn landscape? I mean, even Lego The Mountain would be one scary dude, and I'm not sure I would want to live in fear of my village being ravaged by the Uruk-Hai or my home planet being blown up by Lego Death Star. So, I would wuss out and go for the Lego beach set. Generic, but relaxing, and since I'd be a Lego, I would have no fear of sunburn.

"Pretty" heels are nothing new, although they mostly took on effeminate traits traditionally. Gorgeous George, for example, made everyone boo him because the crowds were hella homophobic and he acted like a "sissy boy." However, I don't think "pretty" is the problem when it comes to Reigns. I have yet to really hear him cut a good enough promo for him to be a bad guy standing on his own. If you're a heel with no mic skills, you either need a manager, which could work, or you have to be hired muscle. Faces can get along fine without being able to speak if they can bring it in the ring in ways that will pop the crowd. But I'm also unconvinced that Reigns can be a solo star now, at least in the short term. I have yet to see him in a singles match that made me say "Wow, he's the next dude," and all of his big spots have come in tag matches. I think he has the tools to be a player on either side of the ledger, but he's still the most raw of any of the three guys in the former Shield.

Speaking of ol' Solomon, the last I read, his planned gimmick of being a computer hacker was being scrapped, which is awful timing. Watch Dogs, a game where the protagonist is basically Solomon Crowe, has just been released to great fanfare. The synergy would've been off the charts. But anyway, while I'm starving to see Crowe on my TV, the only answer I could possibly give right now is Kevin Steen. I have seen him the most on the indies, and I know that he has been ready to take on the challenge of WWE for at least the last three years. I don't know a whole lot about Prince Devitt and KENTA, and Willie Mack is good but not Steen good at this point. Let me see Steen in NXT and then on the main roster, because I know he'll knock that shit right out of the park.


THAT'S WHY, BECAUSE ONCE YOU GO AGE OF THE FALL, YOU AIN'T LEAVIN' AT ALL.

Protected Tweeter @brianbrown25:
Top 3 WWF/E in-arena talk shows? (Piper's Pit is not eligible) #tweetbag
1. The Abraham Washington Show - Tony Atlas laughing like a damn fool? ALL THE BUYS

2. The Highlight Reel - Only because Shawn Michaels once Goldberg'd himself on it while punching through a monitor

3. Miz TV: No, not because Miz was a great host, or because memorable moments happened during it, but because in the early days, someone was guaranteed to wreck the set or throw some furniture. Ryback tossed a goddamn sofa out of the ring once. HOW COULD I NOT LOVE THAT?
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