Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 21

DeMott is in hot water again, and HORB'S GOT YOUR DETAILS
Photo via
Well, well, well, if it isn't the readers of THE WRESTLING BLOG again this week coming to take all the scoops from ONE HORB FLERBMINBER. You know you want all my thick, juicy, veiny news stories. You know where to get all the most glorious rumors. You even know where to get all the brainiest, most erudite analysis ever. THAT'S RIGHT, OL' HORB's EXPANDING HIS VOCABULARY, SUCKERS. I AM THE BRINGER OF EVERYTHING RIGHT IN WRESTLING JOURNALISM. Can anyone else say that? The answer is no, ABSOLUTELY AND UNEQUIVOCALLY NO. Who broke the story about Vince McMahon getting ALIEN TESTOSTERONE TREATMENT in order to look jacked for the cover of Muscle and Fitness? HORB. Whose career retrospective of Superstar Billy Graham was the only one that had the GUTS to report that he was actually the Lindbergh baby all grown up? HORB. Who gave the world exclusive photos of Lana and Rusev ordering INFINITE APPETIZERS from TGI Friday's? Well, that one was Bruce Mitchell, but you can't win 'em all.

Of course, I am mining the news mine every day for scoops, NUGGETS IF YOU WILL. I work tirelessly, even when the news canary falls over dead and the mine evacuates. HORB HAS AN IMMUNITY TO THE BLACK LUNG, PA. But even though I have friends at the LARGE HADRON COLLIDER who are working on the problem, I can't be everywhere at the same time. That's why I need you, yes, YOU to give me all the tips, scoops, and credit card numbers you have. Will you get credit for it? Obviously not, HORB AIN'T GOT TIME FOR PROPER ATTRIBUTION. Send me all your information to Also, if you want live scoops BEFORE THEY EVEN HAPPEN, follow me on Twitter, @HorbFlerbminber. If you follow me, you'll be able to find out when and where Bill DeMott beats his next trainee with a broomhandle. Will I call the cops on him this time?

If you would like back issues of the SKOOPZ newsletter, then contact me via my super secret e-mail address that I don't give out to just anyone, which is Anyway, all the issues I have in stock are available, but the following ones are ON SPECIAL:

  • 9/7/39 - I recap the most resounding victory by a German over a Polishman that happened on September 1 of that year by recapping the Georg Hackenschmidt/Stanislaus Zbyszko match that happened at the Polo Grounds.
  • 4/30/59 - Coverage of the lost-to-history "Rocca Incident" where Capitol Wrestling headliner Antonino Rocca stepped on a piece of glass at Madison Square Garden, leading to the greatest stringing together of profanities in a single wrestling event until the inception of ECW.
  • 2/23/95 - The life and times of Eddie Gilbert, which is basically just a bunch of printed slander against him that I was afraid to post when he was alive. He knew what he did.
  • 5/17/99 - A full, four-page sitdown interview with Beaver Cleavage, with in-depth questions about his character inspiration, plans for development, and why he felt he was the guy to inherit the WWF from Austin and Rock.
  • 9/13/01 - The life and times of the Big Boss Man and Akeem the African Dream.
If you get all five, you can piece each backpage together to construct a map that leads to a super-secret spectral portal where you can go to a wonderful alternate universe where WCW won the Monday Night Wars and RAW's airtime was replaced by all the legal proceedings adjunct to the storylines happening on Nitro.

Remember to set your clocks forward an hour, then back two hours, then sideways a month this weekend.

- More accusations of abuse and impropriety against WWE head trainer Bill DeMott have surfaced, heaping more and more cases against him. Sources within the company have said DeMott only keeps his job because if he's fired, he threatens to release nude pictures of himself on the Internet, and WWE doesn't want to be responsible for scarring of a generation of fans.

- Chris Jericho came to the defense of DeMott, saying he had it "way worse" in the Hart Dungeon, which raises the question, what the fuck did Stu Hart do to those kids that was worse than slapping someone who had a concussion or throttling someone recovering from neck injury?

- Kimber Lee was thrown at full tilt from the top of the Hell in a Cell structure to the floor at the latest Beyond Wrestling Show by Chris Dickinson, another example of women, who need to be protected at all costs because they're dainty flowers, wanting to do TOO MUCH to prove themselves, thus making intergender wrestling TOO DANGEROUS. It should be banned at all costs.

- Correction to the above statement, it was Mick Foley who took the Hell in a Cell bump way back in 1998. Lee took... a hard crucifix powerbomb? THAT'S what all the pearl-clutching is about? Holy shit.

- Ronda Rousey defeated Cat Zingano in 14 seconds at UFC 184, and no one started a #GiveWMMAaChance hash-tag. Wrestling fans are such hypocrites.

- BREAKING NEWS, you, yes YOU have been added to the WWE Intercontinental Championship ladder match at WrestleMania.

- Stardust has CONFIRMED that he is not in the trailer for Avengers 2: Age of Ultron. However, he is reported to be playing a huge role in the WWE Films knockoff classic, L33t D00dz Battle the Space Jerk.

- CM Punk's current mood is unsatisfied.

- Rey Mysterio has been released from his WWE contract and he has re-signed back with the AAA promotion in Mexico. His first six-month injury layoff is already scheduled for May through November of this year.

- 38 Super League war in Dubai. He said that first raised our concerns in the country. Tacoma in the United States, and Pakistan by 38 arsye.Tema SFL SFL Mumbai in India, and the events of 2012 with some services karavamanhova that spring out of MMA. Do not know how to make the presentation of Dubai will be there, but I'm not a game Arabicasque the most progress. The main event, and an aunt Thapa 2:33 (3-0) Sami Khan Hassan (1-2).

- The New Japan Cup starts this month, and boy, do I already have a boner.

- Jon Stewart made headlines by kicking Seth Rollins in the groin on Monday night during his appearance on RAW. Bill O'Reilly has already filed the response piece about how Stewart took the coward's way out with a cheap hit and that he should have been fined by the New Jersey State Athletic Commission for his act. This statement keeps the grand tradition of conservative talking heads failing to grasp that wrestling is indeed a work.

- Poll results are in, and a resounding 93% of you think that chanting "CM Punk" while AJ Lee is in the ring is respectful, while the rest of you scumbags hate Punk and everything he stands for. Ingrates. No, I don't care that he broke my jaw twice, I LOVE YOU CM PUNK. Anyway, this week: