Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Sheamus' New 'Do Is Pro Wrestling

Sheamus shown embracing the absurdity of pro wrestling
Photo Credit:

"You look stupid!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "You look stupid!" *clap clap clapclapclap*

The fans at the SAP Arena in San Jose, CA were not wrong, at least without context. Okay, I don't think it looks stupid, per se, but it certainly is unconventional. If I saw a guy walking down the street with a mohawk and an unconnected beard with braids on the goatee, I might look at him a little funny. If it were one of my friends in real life, I would give him the business for about five minutes before settling down. A person's look is a person's look, and honestly, more people should express their inner freak just to shake things up. However, sometimes the dull monotony of life breaks a person, and the genpop is by result conditioned to think of normal people looking a certain way. Sheamus does not fit that mold.

However, nothing about pro wrestling is conventional. The artform is built upon scantily clad men and women pretending to hurt each other while using a pseudonym. Sometimes they wear masks. Sometimes, they're gimmicked to be something wholly outrageous. But regardless of trappings, the heart of professional wrestling, down to the most common move, the Irish whip, is patently and completely absurd. What is abnormal in real life makes absolute sense in the squared circle. Whether it's a dude who fights exclusively in jorts and neon pastels, a frog who is imbued with the powers of the Norse god of thunder, a big fat guy with fists of stone who wears a smoking HR Giger-inspired mastodon helmet to the ring, or the most absurd of them all, the man in black Speedo trunks who is trying to be the serious, athletic grappler in a sea of freaks and misfits, nothing in wrestling could be considered as fitting into the norm.

So, while Sheamus' Mad Max-influenced hairdo and beard motif might turn a few heads on the streets of, say, Des Moines, he embodies the spirit of pro wrestling just by shaving the sides of his head, glopping a shit-ton of product in the rest of his hair, and getting someone skilled to put this itty-bitty braids in his beard. In an era where Vince McMahon seems to want a certain look from his top guys, having someone embrace absurdity like Sheamus is refreshing. He'll return to action tomorrow night on Smackdown, but his return is already a goddamn success from where I sit.