Thursday, April 16, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 116

Imagine these two in a NXT ring inside a steel cage. IMAGINE IT.
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

NXT did run a ladder match as the main event of ArRIVAL, but other than that and the best two-out-of-three falls match (which isn't so much a gimmick as it is a stipulation that allows for more regular wrestling), the developmental territory hasn't explored the studio space so to speak. Hell in a Cell and the Elimination Chamber are out since they're big arena gimmicks. However, along those lines, I would love to see NXT have an honest-to-God cage match. The old school booking tends to tell me that it would be violent and brutal, and the brand already has a feud that is tailor-made for the steel. Tell me that Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn wouldn't rock the goddamn house main eventing a Takeover special inside four fences. TELL ME.

This question's easy, because it's a rebranding that I've been thinking about for awhile. I would take Fandango and the Ascension and turn them into rude, puerile, partyboy henchmen to hang around Seth Rollins. Johnny Curtis, Konor O'Brien, and Rick Victor as Rollins' Scumbag Horsemen would have big potential to invigorate those three guys' careers (even if they wouldn't be officially called the Scumbag Horsemen because the former word is a bit non-PG).

I actually only have heard the opening track, and it's not something I'd normally listen to. But I've had stuff that's been new to me grow on me. Listening to the album (provided it's still free on NPR) is on my list of things to do, but shit is hectic.

Brock Lesnar has no time for piddling things like running for office, so I guess that makes my choice simple. I vote for Kenta Kobashi.

What are you, mad? The skin is where all the fiber is! I'm betting you're not getting enough fiber in your diet, especially since you're posing this question to me. The juicy flesh underneath is delicious, but you need that skin in your life. DO NOT CUT THE SKINS OFF YOUR APPLES.

Honestly, I want to be optimistic, but I agree wholeheartedly with Brandon Stroud when he says that main roster creative has no idea how to book Wyatt. The best case scenario is that he gets into feuds where he gets to speak freely and creatively and against opponents who will be smart enough to change their characters on their own. But the average scenario feels that he'll be in the same sort of rut he's been in since the John Cena feud. He'll feud with someone "on the cusp" or in the main event, he'll cut promos that are similar to the ones he's always cut but are done with such charm and charisma that they still draw people in, and then the matches will end with some sort of fuckery. WWE really is a company that doesn't know how to get out of its own way, especially with unique characters like Wyatt, so I don't have any real hope that he'll come out of this year in any better position than he entered it.

Absolutely, their talents are super-underutilized within the context of WWE. In fact, I'm absolutely shocked that WWE is giving them this run of promoing on scrub tag teams, because it means investing in mid-to-low carders. However, on top of their insane charisma, both guys, Young especially, can go in the ring. Part of me wishes that WWE would cut bait on them so they could head to Pro Wrestling Guerrilla and rock the house with teams like the Young Bucks on the reg.

I have not yet. My favorite grilled cheese I've ever eaten was at Melt Bar and Grilled out in Lakewood, OH, the original location. It was called the Cleveland Cheesesteak, and it had provolone cheese, mushrooms, onions, garlic aioli, and the crowning ingredient, brisket. It was fabulous.

For someone who loves wrestling like I do, I don't really own a whole lot of memorabilia. I have autographed pictures of Alpha Female and Colt Cabana, a Jigsaw replica mask, and a bunch of wrestling figures in various states of repair or disrepair. The memorabilia game has never been something I've been totally into. I guess by default, mine would be the various wrestling DVDs I've accumulated over the years. I have a lot of hours of rasslin' in my library. A lot.

I've actually never heard that song, to be honest. But Guns 'n Roses, outside of a couple of songs, is putrid. The riffs are derivative, Axl Rose can't sing, and his lyrics are just so mean-spirited and trite. Guns 'n Roses heads a list of highly-acclaimed rock acts that I find underwhelming at best and that includes the Rolling Stones, John Cougar Mellencamp, and The Killers.

I've barely followed hockey this year, only enough to know that the Flyers were hot garbage. But I'll take a stab at the Stanley Cup finals and say Rangers over Predators in six, and at the ceremony, the Canucks, Canadiens, Flames, Jets, and Senators all come out Nexus style and destroy everyone over bitterness of a Canadian squad not winning the Cup since 1993. How's that for fantasy booking?

My nerves are still raw from the Kharma firing. Yeah, she kinda fucked up by hiding the stillbirth from her employers, but at the same time, WWE has excused a lot of worse bullshit from other employees, men or women (looking at everyone who ever got a DUI). Second, I'm astounded that Cheerleader Melissa has never been publicly linked to the company. Either WWE didn't go near her thanks to the stench of TNA on her (which didn't stop them from signing Kharma/Amazing Kong, for what it's worth), or Melissa has done quite a good job hiding all the job offers she's gotten and possibly rejected. Jessicka Havok is a no-brainer. She'd fit right in and provide a monster presence right away. Portia Perez is a personal pick of mine. She's done nearly everything she could have done on the indies  (including win the ACW Anarchy Championship, which is funny and fucked up and kinda awesome that a co-ed/male-heavy company gave her the ball before one of the women's promotions did), and she really deserves a look and a paycheck before she fades into retirement. Finally, Athena would be a rockstar in WWE. She's got attitude, she can work, and if WWE let her keep the O-Face, she'd instantly have the most over finish in the goddamn place.

Pat Burrell was a good ballplayer. He wasn't as good as his hype suggested, but he was good for at least 1.5 fWAR a year when he was in town. Still, no matter how well or how much of a slump he was in, I always dug Pat the Bat and defended him against all comers, both internal and external. As for hate, I don't care if he catches 100 balls for 2,000 yards and scores four touchdowns in an Eagles Super Bowl win. Riley Cooper can sit on a goddamn railroad spike for all I care.

WWE crowds are diverse and full of people of varying mental capacities. The simplistic meme is to say that WWE attracts a bunch of dummies, but at the same time, what's the floor for brainpower anymore? Studies have shown that as a whole, people are getting smarter, especially in terms of handling ideas of alternate timelines and relativity. I wouldn't say that the entire crowd would be able to handle two different continuities, but a larger percentage than one might think could. Essentially, the people who can are already watching both RAW and NXT each week.
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