Monday, November 23, 2015

Smackdown: Friendship is Magic

Miz is forever alone
Photo Credit:
Probably Wishes He Had a Friend – The Miz
Poor Miz. Has anyone better perfected the art of being impotently indignant? First a segment of Miz TV spiraled beyond its host's control (I loved the awareness that Miz showed in acknowledging that his show always devolves into chaos – but HE wants to be the one directing it, not his guests), then he was punched out by Dean Ambrose, and then instead of having his match canceled the way he wanted, he was promptly dispatched by Cesaro (in a tragically short waste of Cesaro). I bet Miz would love to have Damien Sandow around to take some of this punishment.

Most Pointless Friendships – Stardust and the Ascension, Neville and the Dudley Boyz
I never can tell from week to week whether Stardust and the Ascension are still together. Stardust rarely comes out for their tag matches, and they only occasionally accompany his singles ones. It's only when they're involved in a three-on-three tag match that seem to be a unit. And they hardly ever talk to each other. So where is this kinda sorta team going? For that matter, what about Neville versus Stardust? Is that still a thing? Did I blink and miss the resolution? Or is Stardust moving on to Cesaro? What stake did the Dudleys have in this? Did Neville just grab the first tag team he saw to help him out? Commentary kept going on and on about all the history in this match, but it was a classic WWE case of telling and not showing. The match was fine, and I don't always need a reason for wrestling to happen (wrestling for the sake of wrestling is fine), but in this case I'm tired of all the water treading. DO SOMETHING. (and hopefully that “something” will be a series of Stardust/Cesaro matches. Neville can be involved too)

Deservedly Without Friends – Dolph Ziggler
I feel like I say this about Dolph Ziggler a lot, but he really is the worst and deserves to be alone. Rather than doing some much-needed self interrogation about the fact that he really HAS always fallen short, and Tyler Breeze and Summer Rae have a point (unsubtle dick jokes notwithstanding), Ziggler decided to stand at ringside during Breeze's match against Zack Ryder. Not do anything, just stand there, drink Breeze's beverages, and ruin the VIP section. Then after Breeze's quick victory, Ziggler beat him up. Because that's how adults react to things, by sulking and ruining someone else's good time followed by physical assault. However, I do like the idea of Ziggler just dressing worse and worse solely in order to annoy Breeze and Summer Rae. That's a level of immaturity I can get behind.

Most Lackluster Friend – Alicia Fox
By far the most hilarious part of Charlotte and Brie Bella's match was listening to Alicia Fox's half-hearted cheering for Bella. That was the quietest, “C'mon, Brie!” I've ever heard. Poor Foxy must be seriously re-evaluating her decision to join Team Bella. It got her absolutely nowhere, and now that Nikki's out of commission for a while she's stuck listening to Brie talk about juice cleanses or whatever. Had the camera stayed on her for long enough, I'm pretty sure we would have been able to hear “The Sound of Silence” radiating from her mind.

Most Unnecessary Friend – Ryback
Ugh, Ryback, stop ruining things I enjoy. I was very excited about Kalisto and Big E facing off against each other, and even though the match was woefully short I still liked it. Running the Lucha Dragons against the New Day is a good idea because sometimes I love the New Day too much, and I forget that they are in fact bad guys who are only in it for themselves (and the tables). Kalisto is a magical marshmallow who should be protected at all costs, so having the New Day set out destroy him – holding him down and LAUGHING AT HIM – after having first put Sin Cara out of commission was a great way to not have me on New Day's side for once (even though THE TROMBONE WAS WEARING A TOQUE. How can I NOT love them forever?). Kalisto also continues to be a short dude who is not at all helpless. He could have gone against Big E if only the damn numbers game hadn't come into play. And then Ryback had to come out and save his little buddies, and ugh. Do not want. He can go pal around with someone else. He's so incongruous with everyone involved here.

Best Temporary Friendship – Alberto del Rio and Kevin Owens
Normally I'd be talking about Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns here, but I think everyone is talking about them, and commentary was broadcasting pretty clearly that it's going to come down to the two of them at Survivor Series, what with all of the, “They're brothers now, but what happens on Sunday?” talk. So I'll let the Shield shards fall where they may (and by the time this post runs we'll already know what happened).

Instead, I'll just express my appreciation for del Rio and Owens being paired together. I liked that there was absolutely no reason for them to team up other than the tournament situation, and it's unlikely their paths will cross again soon. Kevin Owens being utterly bemused by Zeb Colter's talk about haters was beautiful (and can we please, PLEASE stop having Colter say the word “haters?” It's embarrassing for everyone). However, I felt that the two worked well together during their tag match. They both made multiple saves for the other, and del Rio seemed to have some of the drive and energy back that he's been sorely missing. If that's what Owens can do for him, I would like to see these two bond further through a desire to hurt their opponents as viciously as possible. And wouldn't it make much more sense for the Mexican and the Canadian to take on the Americans than for the Mexican to join up with the historically anti-Mexican, pro-American militant?