Thursday, November 5, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 145

How hype would you be at the baseball game if you heard Sasha Banks' theme between frames in the seventh?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

I'd say "Real American," but with Hulk Hogan's national disgrace and his lack of sending you a raft, I will pass. My second choice would be the Dubstep Cowboys' theme, but epileptics wouldn't be able to come to the ballpark. So, the final choice would then be Sasha Banks' theme song, because wouldn't that get you pumped up in the late innings?

Well, the Queen of Strong Style certainly ain't coming from New Japan Pro Wrestling, since that company only books a woman if she's attached to one of them gaijin (note, this is no shot at Amber O'Neil-Gallows or Maria Kanellis; they're fine performers). HEAVY SHOT FIRED ACROSS BUSHIROAD'S BOW. Anyway, anyone who throws a stiff forearm/elbow like that certainly can lay claim to the throne as much as she wants. Slay Queen Bella, slay.

Lately they've been good, but yeah, building a legacy on those older matches, woof, especially since many of them crammed together a lot of the bullshit finishes that were peppered throughout early pay-per-view cards. You'd have a double disqualification, a weak countout, and some distraction bullshit all on the same match. Some of that blueprint was translated onto later shows, but even those finishes were jazzed up. Survivor Series' history is checkered, from its beginning as the last nail the coffin of the territories through the shitty matches up to the Montreal Screwjob, isn't it?

All the visible ones in the night sky and then some.

WWE has been skewing towards longer reigns for all its titles. When was the last really short reign? Seth Rollins' United States Championship run? Charlotte's gonna hold the belt for a bit, and I can see her having defenses at every special event and then some. Assuming she drops the belt at WrestleMania to Sasha Banks, she'll have accumulated at least five if not more defenses. Then Banks picks up with three more defenses before the anniversary on PPV and some odd title defenses on RAW. If I go on the more liberal side with title defenses, then the combined number of title matches had by Horsewomen as Champion should be around 12, which given the state of things in WWE ain't that bad.

The big money is Seth Rollins chasing Kevin Owens for the Championship. Rollins as a heel has been an unmitigated critical disaster from my point of view, but I think he'll shine as a babyface. Owens should never be a good guy in WWE unless he's teaming with Sami Zayn in random Steenerico WWE rehashes. It won't happen soon, because Owens has other battles to fight going into Mania season, and Rollins may have gotten really hurt last night in Dublin. But when it does happen, it'll be pretty sweet.

Honestly, I feel good about the Eagles' chances on Sunday. But WWE has also delivered the last two years at WrestleMania. Even if the Birds do win, I see more than a few dropped passes from the team's stonehanded receiving corps, so I'm gonna go with the football team.

The easiest answer is that a non-traditional Survivor Series match involves any contest that isn't four-on-four or five-on-five. That Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins title match upcoming? Total non-traditional Survivor Series match. Montreal Screwjob? Non-traditional match all the way. That time Daniel Bryan and the invisible silhouette that vaguely resembles UFC fighter Phil Brooks took on the Wyatt Family? Nothing traditional about that, brother.

Right now, the playoffs would include Clemson, Ohio State, LSU, and Alabama. If I told you that 'Bama felt like the safest play to make it, would you believe me? Of course you would, because Alabama is evil and Nick Saban always wins no matter how much you don't want him to. Past history suggests Clemson will indeed, ahem, Clemson its way out of a playoff spot. I don't think the SEC places two teams in the playoff this year, and as much as I want to put LSU in there as the Champs, Bama's struggles have been against spread teams. LSU is more a traditional offense, although Leonard Fournette is hard to bet against. I also believe that Michigan State has a rabbit's foot lodged wholly up its ass. You need luck to win, and Sparty seems to have it in spades. Stanford/Notre Dame feels like a play-in game right now, and I think the Cardinal has the edge. Finally, someone from that wacky-ass Big XII is gonna make it, and with Trevone Boykin playing out of his goddamn mind, I'm going with Texas Christian. So, in easy-to-digest list form...

  1. Texas Christian
  2. Alabama
  3. Stanford
  4. Michigan State

Demand? My my, folks are getting pushy over here. Anyway... how about this five-on-five match. On one side of the ring: Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Eddie Guerrero, Roman Reigns, and Bret Hart. On the other: Randy Orton, Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, and The Rock. It would be the most loaded match in the history of WWE.

If you want straight news, go with @WrestleChat. It's an aggregator site that posts all its articles to Twitter. If you want news with a side of BANTER, then you should probably follow @TheFrayMovement, who asked the second question in this TweetBag.

Seriously, Vince McMahon can't make money with this guy? I call bullshit.

Remember the episode of Family Guy, y'know, back in the first or second season when it was actually problematic yet funny instead of now when it's just problematic, when Stewie built a mind-control device to make his older, duller brother Chris into an automaton to do his bidding? Put Damien Sandow in the Stewie role and Jack Swagger in the Chris role, and boom, instant tag team.

I don't think the toilet was a misdirect, and I do believe the beloved fecal demon Kobald is on his way back. But in case he's not, then the fourth man on his way back will be none other than the man, the myth, the tattoo artist... CROSSBONES. He's got close ties to UltraMantis Black, is supernatural in nature, and could very well have been sucked into a toilet. I hear Easton's plumbing situation is pretty sketchy. Or not. I don't know.

In a just world, the showrunners would recognize that Chikara has dedicated season 15 of its wrestling life to their fair television show, and I can't think of any better guest star for any television program than UltraMantis Black. Why? Why not!

(Now time to admit my secret shame; I've never watched one single episode of Arrested Development so I may not know who fits the oeuvre best.)
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