Friday, September 9, 2016

NXT In 60 Seconds

King reigns supreme
Photo Credit:
Shane Thorn: You ever wonder why they didn't just rename us the Mighty?
Nick Miller: Too busy being astounded I'm in love with Katy Perry's good twin on TV.
Thorn: Ah.
Tony Nese and Ariya Daivari: All right, audition time!
Particpants: Holds and counter holds!
Full Sailors: applaud
Nese: All right, time to get signed.  HANDLESS FOSBURY ASAI!
CeCe: Man, I need to get the hell out of the way of that.
Daivari II: Rolling Elbow!
Schmidt: Strike Party!
Team CWC: Superkick plus Falcon Arrow plus Frog Splash!
Winston: C-C-C-Combo breaker!
Thorn: All right, you blokes have proven your point.  LARIAT!
Daivari II: that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside of my chest.
TM61: Thunder Valley!
Full Sailors: applaud louder

Tom Phillips: Asuka, is there anyone ready to face you for the belt?
Asuka: I could kill you and nobody would miss you, you know.
TP: What?
Asuka: What?
TP: ...
Asuka: ...
Asuka: ...anyway I've salted the earth here and maybe that handsome writer was right and I should unify the singles titles.  No one is ready for me and I will rip out then lightly sea salt and lemon pepper after cooking in a fun olive oil then EAT THE HEART OF ANY WOMAN FOOLISH ENOUGH TO TRY.
Asuka: ™ SMILE!

Steve Cutler: Remember last week when I said I wanted to be A Thing?  I'm facing Nakamura in the main event now.  Can somebody un-Thing me, please?

Leah Von: Look at this nice red shirt they gave me!
Werewolves: howl
Ember Moon: Good evening, Full Sailors.
Full Sailors: EMBER MOON~!
Ember Moon: That was quick, as this shall be.
Leah Von: sigh
Ember Moon: Diving corkscrew stunner!
KFC Employee: I say you she dead! 
Full Sailors: Holy CRAP!  EMBER MOON~~!

No Way Jose: Bobby Roode may be glorious but he doesn't have the huevos to wear white after Labor Day.  Next week I'll show him not to mess with me.

Psycho Killer: So getting beat up by the Revival sucked.
Johnny Wrestling: Yeah, it did.
PK: Had worse, tho.
JW: Samesies.
Doctor: You'll be cleared in time for a tag match next week for the CWC finale, though.
DIY: After that, we'll take their belts, that'll hurt them worse than they hurt us.

Cien: I traded in my tearaway suspenders and hat for this nice shirt!
Universe: applauds wildly
Austin Aries: Screw you, Edna.  I look GREAT.
Full Sailors: dueling chants
Participants: ...whatever.
Aries: I got a one count!  BATHE IN MY GLORY!
Cien: You should do that but for me since I can Playgirl pose in the ropes.
Aries: DARE you.
Cien: How dare YOU.   TORNILLO!
Aries: Forget this flippy shit. shoves Cien to the floor
Aries: Diving second rope enzui elbow!
Cien: No, YOU eat the offense now!  I think I'm going to go for my running double knee stri
Aries: I know I'm going to Gallagher dropkick you in the face!
Cien: Ow.  Still in this, though.  Moonsault!
Aries: NOPE
Cien: Thought you might say that STANDING moonsault!
Aries: You crafty bastard.  I'M still in this, too.
Cien: Time for a
Aries: MISSILE INTERCEPTION BOMB!  LAST CHANCERY!  Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, bathe.  In my glory.
Samoa Joe: sigh
Steve Cutler: ...surely you've come out here to help me instead of this being a 250 second fait accompli "main event", right?

Samoa Joe: sigh
Steve Cutler: ...sigh
Shinsuke Nakamura: Oh, hi there!  Have you met my friend?
Samoa Joe: sigh
Knee: TO THE MOTHERFUCKING FACE, I SAID!  I'll TELL YOU when I've had enough!
Steve Cutler: ow
Nakamura: KIN
KFC Cashier: Yup, him too.
Samoa Joe: sigh, walks away
Nakamura: This whole never-lose-and-knee-everybody-in-the-face plan is going EXCELLENTLY, I must say.