Friday, August 4, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

Should've main evented the show, should main event Brooklyn the Third
Photo Credit:
Johnny Gargano: Let's change that Tron it does and slightly change that music also happens and we'll all pretend old Voldemort didn't hurt his leg and blow up a fire program on the runway before it took off.
Raul Mendoza: It's time for me to ruin your big comeback match and ahahahahahah even I don't believe that
J.W.: Right?
Raul: Gotta get in a couple shots to look good, though.
J.W.: Fair enough.
Raul: does
J.W.: Okay, enough of that.  Gargano Escape
Referee: Winner!
All 3 Of Them: Well, obviously.

Mauro Ranallo: It's official! At Takeover: Brooklyn III, SAnitY will face the Authors of Pain for the NXT World Tag Team titles!
Paul Ellering: Monsters are real.
Said Monsters: stare menacingly at the camera

Full Sailors: Hey!  It's Asuka!  Hooray!
Asuka: It's me and Ember Moon in Brooklyn.  I've beaten her before and I'll beat her again...
Full Sailors: WHOO
Asuka: ...because NO ONE is ready for Asuka!
Full Sailors: Hey!  It's Ember Moon!  Slightly less enthusiastic hooray!
Ember: I fought to get back where I belong, fighting for that belt.  You can say it all you want, but I know it, and THESE PEOPLE...
Those People: WHOO
Ember: ...know it.
Asuka: smiles patronizingly
Ember: So the question isn't whether I'm ready for you.  This is what the truth is: are you ready for me?  stares
Asuka: stares back Heh.  proffers the Hand of Friendship 
Ember: extends her hand
Asuka: Ric Flair's that shit LOL SLAPS Ember With your bitch ass.  OOOOH I'S-A SCAAAAARAUGH
Ember: tackles her and lands some shots
Asuka: fights back, yells her signature yell before she lands a massive kick and tosses her out You see this?!  This is MY belt!  My belt for damn near 18 months, and nobody is going to...
Ember: ECLIPSES Asuka and lets out a howl of approval
Asuka: does not move
Belt: sits there perfectly somehow
Ember: kneels before it, gets closer to touching it
Full Sailors: emit a small rumble of murmurs
Ember: extends her hand closer to it Nahnahnahnahnahnah, I'm Black, it's after 4, AND I'm a werewolf ninja or something, I'm not chancing it.  I'll pick it up when I earn it!  I'll pick it up when I earn it.  leaves
Asuka: is still down
Bobby Roode: Here's how simple it all really is: trailer trash like Roddy play the lottery and lose.  Sure, he's whining and moaning about it, but he'll want to play again.  As for Drew McIntyre, this "changed man", this "new man"...I'll have a convo with him next week.  Now, if you'll excuse me, caviar doesn't eat itself, so HEY KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME
Roderick Strong: being restrained by some PCers
William Regal: Roderick!  This is not the way to go about things!
Strong: I'm standing up for my family here!
Regal: Well, be a professional about doing so, then.
Strong: One more shot and I can end this tyranny.  ONE.  SHOT.
Regal: I'm quite sorry, Roderick, but the McIntyre/Roode title bout is set for Brooklyn.  walks off
Strong: furrows his brow so hard it almost forms the words triple threat
Sonya Deville: puts her hair up and squares up Oh, good.  Fresh fish.  after a bit, a flying triangle choke on the Red Shirt
Referee: Winner! 

Hideo Itami: No one respect me.  Not Kassius, not anyone.  I deserve better.  So why show respect to anyone?  speaks in Japanese and comes out to do so again
Full Sailors: Foreign language?  BOO!
Hideo: I deserve respect.  Show it!  I don't care who's next--
Lights: out
Aleister Black: comes out and slowly enters the ring
Hideo: leaves mostly, then tries it
Black: MASS
Hideo's Consciousness: leaves entirely
Black: sits mid-ring waiting for his actual opponent

(commercial break)

Kyle "Kyle O'Reilly" O'Reilly: I know mixed martial arts! 
Full Sailors: oh snap
Announcers: oh snap
Me: ...hooray?
Both Men: land some strikes and occasionally put on a hold 

This goes on for three segments somehow, and while O'Reilly looks more than capable, you know how this is going to end.

Black: MASS
Referee: Winner!  Hope you get home safe, AB.