Friday, August 18, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

Well, obviously
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Master Regal: Hello, everyone.  It's contract signing time.  First, let us bring out the challenger: Ember Moon!
Ember: looks alternatively concerned and focused
Regal: And now, the champion: Asuka!
Asuka: quarter-heartedly looks non plussed, somewhat bothers to smile a couple times, and Queen Waves a couple more
Ember: You're the most dominant champion in WWE history.  You've even surpassed Goldberg's record, but...
Full Sailors: chant Asuka like Goldberg
Asuka: for real smiles now
Ember: ...but you only had to use shortcuts with me.  All they did was make me harder better faster stronger, and come Saturday night I Daft Punk your ass out, end your streak, and claim the NXT Women's World Championship.  signs
Some Full Sailors: D-Bry Yes! chants
Some Full Sailors: D-Bry No! chants
Asuka: signs, pen drop
Regal: It is official: at our third Takeover: Brooklyn Ember Moon will face Asuka for the NXT Women's World Championship.
Asuka: yells angrily in Japanese repeatedly
Full Sailors: pop, mostly
Asuka: holds the title up in the air, staring Ember down
Ember: stares Asuka down

Lars Sullivan, "Earlier Today": Mr. Regal, all I need is one more shot.
William Regal: Very well.  But you can't go carrying on mauling your poor partner after the match inside our ring!
Lars: Understood, boss.

jump cut to 

Street Profits: Looking at our Guccis, it's about that time!
Future Victim: ignores Lars and starts off the match by getting rekt
Lars Sullivan: glaring Fight me, damn it!
Montez Ford: NO!
Profits: lay out Future Victim and finish him off
Referee: Winners!
Lars: fumes
Full Sailors: Lars is gonna kill you!  Lars is gonna kill you!
Referee: Hey, buddy, maybe you...
Lars: MOVE!
Referee: does
Lars: puts Future Victim over his shoulder and walks out
Mauro Ranallo: Well!  Maybe this is a new leaf for La... uh, I'm being told something's going on in the back...
Lars: Hulk smash and throw Current Victim into the trash
Mauro: Technically that's not inside our ring...


Billie Kay: I've got this, don't I?
Peyton Royce: Oh, my bestie's got everything and anything.
Ruby Riot: squints questioningly, then reels off some rollups
Peyton: No, you don't!
Ruby: Yes, I do!  kicks her away, walks into a discus lariat
BK: stomps, Eat Defeat Winner!
Referee: Nope.
Ruby: See that nope and raise you a comeback.  Kicks!  Deadly Nightshade!  Pele Kick!
Referee: Winner!
Peyton: The sun was in my boo's eyes!  And you'll never be Iconic, you gross tattooed loser!
Ruby: walks to the back looking like the Sure Jan GIF

Drew McIntyre: powers Roderick Strong around the ring
Roderick Strong: cracks him in the mouth with a leg lariat, dropkicks him out to the floor, then eventually backbreakers him into the apron I need this.   I need this.  Bret backbreaker, eventually a camel clutch
DMC: gets out from under and hits an overhead belly to belly  Finally.  axehandle off the top, inverted Alabama Slam
Strong: Kickout!  back suplex backbreaker, apron gamengiri
DMC: retaliation headbutt with Strong on the top rope
Bobby Roode: punches Strong, stomps McIntyre while he's in the Tree of Woe, then mounted lefts and rights Always good to have an insurance policy.  sends Strong into the steps
Full Sailors: BOO!
Roode: mocks DMC before hitting the GDT, blows a kiss to Roddy
Full Sailors: You suck!  You suck!  You suck!  You suck!

Roode: yelling at McIntyre This is MY NXT!  MINE!  to everyone And there will be no comeuppance!  You hear me?!  NO COMEUPPANCE!