The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for August 21, 2017

Strowman, best in the world at wrestling AND redecorating the ringside area
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Braun Strowman (Last... uh poll? [December 8, 2014]): not ranked) - What is a celestial body compared to the Monster Among Men throwing office chairs at other burly wrestler men and nearly rending throngs of spectators in twain merely with his roar alone? Strowman was also the only one in that main event last night not to fall victim to the tram car to Suplex City. If the year were 1998, fans would be toting "BROCK LESNAR FEARS BRAUN STROWMAN" signs to shows everywhere, even Broadway shows. Imagine someone bringing a wrestling sign to Hamilton or Kinky Boots. That, my friends, is the power of BRAUN.

2. The Moon (Last poll: not ranked) - The Moon is usually the lesser of the large celestial bodies visible in the sky, but today, it REIGNED SUPREME by blocking out the Sun and giving most of North America some much needed shade on this hot summer day.

3. The Sun (Last poll: not ranked) - Of course, the Sun could still be seen from behind the Moon, and boy, did it do a number on people who looked at the eclipse without proper protection. Fortunately, America's fearless leader showed the country on the ways to go... or not.

4. Alcoholic Gummi Bears (Last poll: not ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - On one hand, the infantilization of alcoholic beverages and adjacent products designed to get you drunk is getting somewhat out of control. On the other hand, good luck trying to get my wimpy ass to consume Fireball in any other way.

5. Asuka (Last poll: not ranked) - Not only did she kick out of The Eclipse (Ember Moon's finish, not the astronomical event of transit that happened today), she showed she could do her own ring announcing too. Snazzy. The bad news is she broke her dang collarbone but still finished the match. How herculean!

6. Tormund Giantsbane (Last poll: not ranked) - The curmudgeonly but lovable Freefolk gave the audience a scare last night, nearly succumbing to a Wight attack that nearly consumed the whole party. However, he made it out alive, praise be to the Lord of Light. Hopefully, he lives long enough to make grand warrior babies with Brienne of Tarth, presuming she reciprocates affections. I'm on that ship until the show ends, baybay!

7. Serena Williams (Last poll: not ranked) - She recently said that she had to work twice as hard as women like Maria Sharapova to get half as much, which is true. Of course, scumbag conservative rags took it as a brag that she was twice as good as Sharapova, as if bragging is a bad thing. As fate would turn out, she was wrong. She's about ten times as good as Sharapova.

8. Malcolm Jenkins (Last poll: not ranked) - While I applaud Chris Long for standing in solidarity with Jenkins, let the world not forget that his role as an ally is always in support of the oppressed and that folks should be throwing more support to Jenkins, Colin Kaepernick, Ron Brooks, Marshawn Lynch, and other Black athletes risking their careers to speak truth to power.

9. Alexa Bliss (Last poll: not ranked) - She may have lost the RAW Women's Championship to Sasha Banks last night, but I think she may have one-upped the entire main roster women's division by developing a clone army.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last poll: not ranked) - Folks, Oney Lorcan is here for porkin'.