Thursday, October 5, 2017

Twitter Request Line, Vol. Maine

Uh, hello former Kaitlyn
Photo via @CelesteBonin
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

Assuming this is wrestling only, because fuck if I know who an Instagram model is or what other female celebrities are posting on their social media.
  1. Celeste Bonin - She's the GOAT. I mean, she turned thirst-trapping into art, man.
  2. Emma - How good do you have to be at thirst-trapping to make creative try to give that to you as a gimmick?
  3. Hania the Howling Huntress - She doesn't post pics as often as others in her category, but when she does, gawd, I'm shook.
  4. Nattie Niedhart - For as groan-inducing as she has been lately on Smackdown, she always brings the heat, usually in creatively cyber-punk ways.
  5. Liv Morgan - She's a newer entrant to the game, so she knows how to bring emoji placement.
  6. Bea Priestley - British imports never looked finer
I know that was kinda male-gazey, but honestly, appreciating beauty and aesthetic is healthy as long as those things aren't the only thing one values. Also, no one who tries to thirst-trap can be bad at it, just different shades of good.

Honestly, I don't really watch anything in my house that's not tailored for kids, and that includes wrestling. The most questionable wrestling I can think of right now that'd be on broadcast television are Lucha Underground and Ring of Honor. The former I'm way behind on DVR and don't watch when the kids are up, and the latter I'm not interested enough in that product to see if I have Comet. I actively want my kids to watch WWE and Chikara (tickets are free for kids!), but I'm also not naive enough to know that WWE crosses lines on a regular basis. Luckily, my kids don't pay attention too much anyway, and they're usually in bed for the bulk of the show anyway.

All-time, nothing touches Big Bully Busick.
Photo via Online World of Wrestling
I mean, how do you compete with that!?! Nowadays, the answer is probably when Michael Elgin goes with the shaved-head, full-beard look. That always looks bad-ass, even when Big Show ganks it for himself.

Well, it depends. If it's Grave Consequences, Buxton wins, but if it's the Death Match, I give the nod to Aaron Judge.

People don't like to be wrong, and other people can't grasp ideas of nuance or the fact that people change opinions. I mean, remember back to the 2004 Presidential race, when John Kerry was lambasted for being a "flip-flopper?" It's somehow in some people's human nature that if you were right at one time, you have to continue to defend that opinion no matter what changes those people make. It's the extreme end of confirmation bias. Of course, none of that matters anyway because they're opinions on wrestling. The only thing that matters less is ethical gaming journalism. But still, people have their hobbyhorses that they will defend until death, no matter how much conditions change.

I think it depends on who it is. If it's family, you gotta keep yelling at them until they change, but if it's someone you can cut out or someone you don't see often, you gotta phase them out if they show no signs of changing. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Well, for one, it slaps. It bangs. It goes, man. It rakes. Oh, you want reasons why. Well, first, every song on the album feels memorable. It has a hook, or a great chorus, or tremendous instrumentation. It's the first album from Queens that felt complete to me at least since Songs for the Deaf. Specifically, I think the addition of off-key synthesizers in the vein of My Bloody Valentine elevates it. Anyway, listen to it for yourself. It's the leader in the clubhouse for my Album of the Year so far:

Spotify
Tracks on YouTube
Sadly, I'm deficient in the area of horror movies, because I'm a yellow-bellied coward who hates being scared. So my answer automatically defaults to Shaun of the Dead which was less horror and more horror-comedy. But then again, I did enjoy Ash vs. Evil Dead quite a bit, so maybe I am ready for more horror? The world may never know.

If I get to blink their entire existence out, like their whole lives, the answer is easy — Vince Russo. No one is more overrated for their success and no one did more damage to wrestling than he did with his insistence, not that kayfabe should be destroyed, but that it should be warped to include insider terms and blurring the line between script and what people thought was actual backstage dirt. He was also a lecherous piece of shit who either began the degradation of WWE's women or was enabled by Vince McMahon's inner sexism.

If you're just talking about a dude I want off the face of the earth right now, no history-altering involved, that answer is Randy Orton. If doesn't exist, WWE isn't tempted to put him on TV anymore. Everyone wins.


  1. Catcher in the Rye - Yeah, I know it makes me a solitary weirdo, but when I read it in high school, I was a solitary weirdo so it fit.
  2. Moneyball - Yeah, I know. But that stuff interests me.
  3. Hamlet - Do plays count as books? Eh, I had to read it in school, and I actually enjoyed it. It made me believe that Shakespeare could be accessible and entertaining without needing a modern adaptation.
  4. The Chocolate War - Again, I was a solitary weirdo with masculinity issues, so I really identified with the lead character, which is what made him getting the shit kicked out of him at the end both painful and very relatable.
  5. The Lord of the Flies - I like a lot of books about fucked up kids, don't I? Anyway, I don't think I read enough books before I stopped reading them in general, and that's a minor regret I have in life. Ah well.

Yeah, I don't think he's turning. I think Triple H loves WCW enough to know that someone has to be Sting, and while Roddy Strong isn't exactly as charismatic as Steve Borden, god bless 'im, he's still built up enough goodwill as a white meat protagonist that turning him would feel like a big fuck you. Yeah, I know, WCW was all about big fuck yous, but also I think Trips learns from Vince McMahon's mistakes, and he has a better feel for his crowd than McMahon does with his, which is to say none. While I think Trips has a vision, it's not necessarily as rigid. I could be wrong, but Strong feels like a face with integrity.
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