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| Winnah Photo Credit: @GoddessOfCats |
1. Nicole Savoy (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Savoy put the exclamation point on her young career so far by winning the SHIMMER World Championship at Vol. 99 this past weekend. She took out her mentor, Mercedes Martinez, proving once and for all that the student eventually surpasses the master.
2. Adrian Clayborn (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Eagles were on bye this week, buy my second favorite team, Whoever Is Playing the Dallas Cowboys, wasn't. This week's honor went to the Atlanta Falcons, who smothered the Cowboys thanks in part to Clayborn's MONSTER day. He tied for second place all-time with six sacks in a single game, planting his spot in Dak Prescott's head for all eternity.
3. Toni Storm (Last Week: 3) - She didn't compete in any big weekend tournaments, but hey, she's a multiple title holder across two continents, and she has a tiny hat. She's earned reprieve from the grind.
4. Asuka (Last Week: 4) - She's still murking poor, defenseless enhancement talent like the raptors in Jurassic Park tear up the cow, and she still has time for #SquadGoals pictures. Get you an Empress of Tomorrow who can do it all, folks.
5. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - Look, I don't wanna have to wait until AFTER Survivor Series for Strowman to crush Kane into a cube-shaped heap of trash. I wanna see it now! NOW!
6. Ben Simmons (Last Week: Not Ranked) - You say it's not fair that Ben Simmons is considered among the rookies this year when he was drafted in 2016. I say it's not fair comparing him to any other rookie in any other class in the NBA this century outside of like LeBron James, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Joel Embiid, and the other big-name stars. He's that good, especially picking up slack when Embiid is a big sluggish with a sore knee (*gulp*).
7. Aja Kong (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Kong is a 20+ year veteran and she's still terrorizing the villagers like she's fresh out of the dojo. She not only made hay during the SHIMMER weekend, but she'll go head to head with Viper in a certified HOSS FIGHT later on in the month. Now that Manami Toyota is retired, Kong is one of the last classic joshis to carry the banner, and she still does so with angry, angry fists.
8. Cracker Barrel Meatloaf (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Really, if Cracker Barrels are supposedly superior in the South, I can't imagine how good the meatloaf is down below the Mason-Dixon. Everyone raves about Cracker Barrel's breakfast, but the dinner is pretty good too. The meatloaf really is the king of that mountain, barely edging out chicken fried steak.
9. Lockjaw (Last Week: 9) - Scott Buck fucked up with Iron Fist, but man, he really fucked the fuck up with Inhumans. I hope Lockjaw eats everyone and joins up with Agent Coulson and the rest of the cast from Agents of SHIELD because he's the only good thing to come from that god-forsaken television show.
10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - In the WWE developmental system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important, groups: those who are here for porkin' and those who aren't. Oney Lorcan is part of the first group. This is his story.
