Monday, December 18, 2017

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for December 18, 2017

Miss u, Carrie
Photo Credit: Lucasfilm
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Carrie Fisher (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I could have put nearly anyone from Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi here, but Fisher has a special place in my heart for obvious reasons. It's my favorite installment in the franchise. Like, I saw it Saturday night and I'm still buzzing about it, both as a fan and as a critical thinker about art, even if it's corporately-produced art enriching the Disney Corporation. Fisher's final living turn as General Leia Organa (I have no doubt she'll be CGI'd for Episode IX, just as she and Peter Cushing were for Rogue One) was sentimental even without factoring in her death. But her death is one of a few celebrity deaths that I'm not over and may never be over. Either way, TLJ was a hell of a high note to step out on.

2. Bryan Danielson (Last Week: 3) - I got the vapors when he was staring daggers at Shane McMahon at the end of the match they co-refereed at Clash of Champions. Sure, it's going to lead to Bryan's big return match being against Shane goddamn motherfucking McMahon, but AJ Styles got something somewhat watchable out of McMahon at WrestleMania, and Styles is on a notch below Bryan in the ring. Workers like those, they're magicians, man. Magicians.

3. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 1) - The city of Philadelphia doesn't know what it has with Embiid, and honestly, as seen with Carson Wentz, such special greatness can be snuffed out in the blink of an eye with a slight twist of the knee. Cherish him. CHERISH HIM.

4. Asuka (Last Week: 2) - Asuka and Braun Strowman are in holding patterns right now, but at least with Asuka's, the promise of her doing an awesome, pseudo-shoot style match (or at least as shoot style as WWE will allow) with Sonya DeVille is on the table. Imagine that, Asuka and DeVille getting to revolutionize wrestling. They probably won't get the chance, but at least in that situation, hope lives. Kane is where hope goes to die.

5. Redhouse Bagels (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - My brother and sister-in-law came over to see the kids Saturday morning and brought bagels from this Bensalem, PA shop, and let me tell you, they were AMAZING. They had a stellar combination of heft and flavor, and the spreads were to die for as well. If you're ever in the northeastern suburbs of Philadelphia, head there and thank me later.

6. Nelson Agholor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Agholor was pretty much left for dead after last season. A high draft pick under Chip Kelly, he didn't do much better when the Eagles coaching regime changed last year. However, this year, he found new life as a slot receiver, which can be a really productive way to make a career in the NFL. He's been one of the best parts of this Eagles team, and suffice to say, they don't win Sunday without him hauling in some hard passes. I'm glad I was wrong about Agholor.

7. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 6) - I just gotta keep telling myself that it's not his fault WWE wants to make Kane a thing, but at least he's making it somewhat watchable, right? Right?

8. Toni Storm (Last Week: 4) - She's going to defend her STARDOM title down in Australia against Shazza McKenzie, which is actually really neat because McKenzie is a friend of the blog and also because even though she's a native Australian herself, venturing back into the wilds of the continent Down Under can be perilous for people who spend time in more hospitable climes like Japan and the United Kingdom.

9. Porgs (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Seriously, I want one. LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - He'll be porkin' on New Year's Eve at Beyond Wrestling, his old stomping grounds, to shuck a few DVDs and hang out with his old friends. WWE isn't letting him wrestle, but they are letting Apollo Crews work for the hucksters who tried using Kris Travis' name to make money for a tournament. I don't understand that company's personnel decisions anymore.