Monday, June 25, 2018

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for June 25, 2018

It's like a Mortal Kombat vs. screen!
Photo Credit: NJPW Instagram
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Minoru Suzuki (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Suzuki ran an independent show in honor of his 50th birthday that was outdoors and in the rain, and it still drew 18,000 people. Of course, many in Japan would watch under the fire and brimstone of a highly-unusual eruption of Mount Fuji if it meant getting to see him work Kazuchika Okada, but still, it takes dedication to brave the rain. I don't even wanna walk the ten feet from my car to my side door if it's even drizzling out. The best part about it was that because it was standing room only, he reserved the front rows for children and the disabled. He may be the Murder Grandpa, but Suzuki proves time and time again that even a Murder Grandpa cares for all his grandchildren.

2. Red Hen Restaurant of Lexington, VA (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Of course, you probably heard by now (because it's all national media is talking about) that the manager saw Press Secretary and spawn of grotesquely bigoted former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, Sarah Sanders came into his restaurant looking for a meal. This intrepid person had several LGBTQ+ people on their staff, and of course, the Trump Administration hates gay people as much as it hates anyone that doesn't have money coming out of their nostrils. That manager did the right thing and told her that the restaurant would not serve her. This of course was the right call. An administration that has shown nothing but contempt to gay people, women, immigrants, Latinx folks, Muslims, Jewish people, the environment, the working class, and basically to anyone and anything that isn't a member of the Fuck You Money Elite should have nothing but contempt shown towards it. Fuck your calls for civility. Sanders gets up at a podium and spews lies like it's her job because it is her job. What's so civil about that? The people at Red Hen deserve nothing but praise and respect for their stand, valuing humanity over money.

3. Pelé (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Argentina is not having a good go at this World Cup, and the Brazilian soccer legend was asked about it:
The funny thing is I kinda believe him even if he was making a funny.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 5) - Honestly, I don't care if I don't watch weekly WWE main television anymore. I can't keep him off here. He's not above the jump though because HOW DARE HE GO OUT AND WRESTLE LIKE IT WAS 2013 AGAIN THE WEEK I STOPPED WATCHING GODDAMMIT.

5. Kagetsu (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only is Kagetsu the World of STARDOM Champion, but apparently she's been named Prime Minister as well? I wasn't aware Oedo Tai won any kind of parliamentary elections, but I'm not arguing it. I just would like to state for the the record that Hana Kimura as Secretary of War would be a lot more ruthless than she might let on with her high fashion and deep red lipstick.

6. Trader Joe's Star Cookies with Pop Rocks (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I know these things sound like super sweet, but man, they're worth it. They combine the wholesome crunch of a graham cookie covered in chocolate with the razzle-dazzle of harmless explosions in your mouth that you remember from your youth. Trader Joe's really is Yuppie Food Nirvana, isn't it?

7. Satoshi Kojima (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Kojima is well into his career, and he still wants to learn. While his lariat is cozy, he felt the need to learn technique from one whose version of the move was, well, BURNING. I would love to have been a fly on the wall (with a universal translator, obviously) when Kojima supped with Kenta Kobashi. The first thing I would listen for is what kind of bread Kobashi liked. I bet he's a focaccia man. Actually, I bet it's naan. Yeah, I bet Kenta Kobashi loves him some bread that is actually baked on the side of a tandoor with BURNING fire underneath.

8. Odubel Herrera (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Herrera went and hit home runs in five straight games in addition to having his epic on-base streak earlier this year. The Phillies have been spotty this year, but Herrera has been a consistent source of offensive prowess even when the rest of the team has gone through lulls. If the Phils make the playoffs this year, Baby Bull will be the biggest reason, or at least in the top three along with Aaron Nola and Jake Pivetta.

9. Adrian Wojnarowski (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Woj was tasked with covering the NBA Draft, but he was given strict orders not to tip picks before they were announced. Then colleague Sam Stein started doing it, and while he didn't out-and-out spoil picks ahead of the telecast, well, he had a laser on what people wanted. He tantalized his Twitter followers with picks from the thesaurus. He cleared the way for his news to make it to light without offending his bosses. Woj is an essential follow if you want to be on the front lines of the madness that is the NBA offseason, and he found a way to kick things off with whimsy at least. With LeBron James, Paul George, Kevin Durant, Boogie Cousins, Chris Paul, and several others hitting free agency and Kawhi Leonard on the trading block, it's a good thing to open with some levity.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Oney Lorcan won't be here for porkin' on television because he fractured his orbital bone. Ouch! What a way to go out onto the disabled list.