Friday, July 13, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Smile and grin at the change all around
Photo Credit:
Danny Burch: Ha!  I am better than you at mat wrestling!
Adam Cole: But I'm better at shoving you into the post then hitting a neckbreaker on the floor!
Burch: ow
Cole: Neckbreaker in the ring!  Stomps!  Bicycle kick!
Burch: Big chops!  Thesz press and rights!  Charging corner euro!  Second rope stiff legged missile dropkick!  German!  Lariat!
Cole: Kickout!
Burch: Transitioned into a crossface!
Cole: ack roll free roll free
Burch: Short range headbutt!  Tower of London!
Nigel McGuinness: somehow knows what that move is
Cole: Kickout!  Superkick!
Burch: NOPE!  covers up
Cole: PSYCH BASEMENT superkick!  Basement bicycle kick!  Oshigoroshi!
Burch: Kickout!
Cole: I'm sorry, I said BASEMENT SUPERKICK!  Last Shot mach 1!  Last Shot mach 2!
Referee: Winner!

Candice, Not Wrestling, Earlier Today: I was glad to get a win a couple weeks ago.  The women's division is on a whole other level... 'scuse me...
Shayna Baszler, Kicking It In the Parking Lot: It's cute. You should stick to being the cute sidekick instead of worrying about what your champion has to say about you basics, though.
Candice: slaps her
Shayna: shoves her
Both: commence to clubberin', and have to be separated

Dakota Kai, Backstage: I know what Shayna said last week, but I'll see her again real soon; I'm working my way back to get another title shot, and...
Lacey Evans, Also Backstage Now: Nobody cares, Dakota Kai.  If your dirty paws ever touched that title you'd do nothing but bring it down.  This division needs a lady with confidence, sophistication and class to get it to where it deserves to be, and you lack those traits, sweetheart.
Dakota: ...I'm sorry, I couldn't hear anything over the sound of you getting kicked in the face next week.

Vanessa Borne: hairpulls Kairi Sane into the corner, then shoves her at 4
Kairi: reverses, feints, then flicks her in the forehead
Full Sailors: laugh
Kairi: goes after the leg
Vanessa: Samoan drop!  goes after the back Spinning suplex!  Rope assisted bow and arrow!  Cheer for me!
Full Sailors: No!
Vanessa: misses a second rope elbow
Announce: That's Borne's inexperience showing right there.
Kairi: Running Blockbuster!  Double chops!  Headscissors!  Interceptor!  Sliding K!  Now the Kab...
Vanessa: Nope!  Throw off the top!
Kairi: URAKEN.
Vanessa: urp
Kairi: Elevated Cloverleaf!
Announce: There's the Anchor hold!
Vanessa: taps out
Referee: Winner!

Kairi: Shayna is strong, but I've beaten her before, and I'll do it again, again, again.
Full Sailors: chant in Japanese
Kairi: smiles in kind and flashes the Elbow I Want The Belt!  Ahoy!
Helpful Chyron After She Leaves: notes she's in a #1c fatal four way next week with Candice, Bianca and Nikki

Aleister Black, Incoming: There's always one who thinks they'll break the mold, one who...
Johnny Gargano, Staring: ...Tomasso can not be the Champion.
Black: (quietly) Okay.
Johnny: You don't understand: TOMASSO CAN'T WIN.
Black: I hear you.  You have to let me handle it and worry about yourself.
Johnny: ...I know exactly what I'm doing.  wanders off
Black: walks in
Ciampa: jumps him and uses a trainer table to lay him out with the hanging DDT, waves goodbye
Medics: are called
Fans Of A Certain Age Who Also Note There's A Title Match In A Fortnight: suddenly get C+C Music Factory's other single in their heads

the Era: jump Mustache Mountain at the bell
Mustache Mountain: recover quickly, actually Assisted senton!  Trust fall Seventon!  bop BANG!
Full Sailors: provide dueling chants for almost the entirety of the match
Kyle: provides a distraction then sends Seven into the post
Roddy: Shinbreaker into the top step on your bad wheel!
Seven: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Roddy: rips away at then undoes the knee brace
Kyle: puts on various leg holds when he's in the ring
Seven: manages after a while to send both Roddy and Kyle to the floor, then goes for the tag
Tyler: Maximum effort! 
Kyle: has snuck around to yank Tyler from the apron and send him to the floor 
Seven: Chops!  DDT!  TAG!
Kyle: NOPE!  Kick Tyler!  Heel hook!
Seven: gets free TAG!
Tyler: Charging corner Euro!  Flashpoint!  Running SSP! Airplane spin!
Kyle: nope Sleeper!
Tyler: backs into the corner
Roddy: Save!
Tyler: NOPE!  Explodes Roddy into Kyle (not literally, don't be disgusting)
Medics: check on Trent on the apron
Tyler: Giant spin airplane swing combo!
the Era: are disoriented
Tyler: throws Roddy onto Kyle and Germans him
Roddy: Kickout!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Tyler: looks over at the apron Right.  Let's end this.
Kyle: Don't you
Tyler: Rolling koppu kick!
Roddy: Step up Owenzuigiri!
Tyler: Rebound lariat!  TYLER!  DRIVER!  97!
Referee: One!  Two!
Kyle: Basement dropkick! 
Tyler: Damn it!  gets rid of Kyle, then checks on Trent
Full Sailors: This is awesome!  This is awesome!  
Seven: pulls himself up with the ropes and reaches for the tag
Tyler: looks, hesitates, doesn't tag out
Roddy: Half nelson backbreaker counter! tags out
Kyle: Penalty kick!
Tyler: Kickout!
Tyler: ...kickout.
Mauro: Oh, my God!
Roddy: tags in
Tyler: tries fighting them both off
Roddy: takes down Kyle by accident again CRAP CRAP CRAP HIGH KNEE
Tyler: goes flying towards his corner
Seven: blind tags in CHOPS!  FOREARMS!  EUROS!  SNAP GERMAN!  Eat it, Meltzer! ******* LARIATOOOOOOOO~!
Roddy: ...kickout.
Seven: punches away on his leg, gets Roddy up FUUUUUUUUUUUUU drops him
Roddy: Chop block!  Reverse Cloverleaf!
Seven: Hell no!  blocks by grabbing the ankle
Tyler: makes the save
Seven: kicks Roddy away towards his corner
Kyle: tags in, looking wobbly Second rope knee drop to the injured leg!  Heel hook!
Seven: fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck fuck reaches for Tyler...closer...cloooooseeeerrrr...
Kyle: LOLNOPE drags him back to center
Seven: slaps
Kyle: slaps harder
Seven: goddamnit goddamnit kicks with the good leg, chops himself free
Full Sailors: more dueling chants
Seven: reaches out
Kyle: double knee bar
Tyler: reaches out, towel in the other hand
Seven: tries to reverse, reaching for Drake's shirt in a fit of desperation
Kyle: NO!  reverses the reversal attempt
Seven: looks to Tyler and sees it Don't do it!  Don't you fuckin' do it!
Tyler: cocks it
Kyle: cranks back, repositioning himself closer to the center of the ring WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU TAPPED?!
Seven: Tyler!  Don't do it!  Don't!
Tyler: cocks it
Kyle: GIVE UP!  GIVE UP!  torques some more
Tyler: cocks it...then throws it in, diving on Trent and checking on him
the Era: sluice to the outside
Roddy: emphatically snatches the belts
Referee: Winners!
Kayla: And NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NXT World Tag Team Champions, the Undisputed Era!
Tyler: calls for the medics
Kyle: has clearly missed playing air guitar with a belt
Seven: sits dejectedly on the mat with the towel over his shoulders
Tyler: hugs him from behind and is such a babyface at this point no one even boos him throwing in the towel and away the belts
the Era: celebrate on the ramp