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| "The fuck you think you goin', mate." Photo Credit: WWE.com |
YOU SHALL NOT PASS
Good Lucha Things started out the show this week, and on this episode, Good Lucha Things included Tony Nese handing Kalisto his own ass for 85 percent of the match before losing to a Salida del Sol out of nowhere. You can count on WWE for a lot of tropes, including theme song distraction, Champions losing non-title matches to set up rematches, heels taking intentional countout losses, and of course, finishers that come out of nowhere. However, when it's well done, it's probably the least offensive in WWE's bag of overused items. Kalisto being able to launch himself into the move while Nese was trying to pick him up by his waist was visually impressive at the very least. However, it highlighted more of WWE's weaknesses in match layout. Anytime someone has more than 50 percent of the offense in a match that isn't a designed squash or that doesn't end in like 30 seconds, that person ends up losing. Sometimes, maybe you can just have someone get their ass beaten in a match and try to explain it away as that wrestler not having it that night? Oh, I forgot, anything less than 50/50 is seen as punitive. Nice business you got there.
Anyway, while the tell was strong, Nese was able to take his opportunity to shine and run with it. He's always going to wear his lack of character on him like a scarlet letter, but the dude can go in the ring better than a lot of workers that get mentioned over him, and it's not just the moves or the athleticism. Rather, the way he's always able to weave the next-level shit into the progression of spots to make it look seamless rather than taking time out to do some kind of Matrix-style counter or a flip to look good should put him on a level above. Conventional logic will have you remembering his springboards and shit, but the most impressive thing he did was just hitting the deck and diving at Kalisto's ankles running the ropes. It was crafty, yet so simple at the same time.
The way he is able to project himself as a super heavyweight-sized threat while being no bigger than his opponents most of the time deserves some dap as well. Of course, it helps when he's got someone like Kalisto bumping and selling for him on the other side of the ring. I know that theatrical selling might not be everyone's bag, but on the first hard whip into the corner, when Kalisto jumped out from the impact and then fell to his knees looking to the sky and making me think he was about to yell "ELOI ELOI LAMA SABACHTHANI," I felt that. I felt that big. Nese had an answer for it on the basement rana, when he bumped in a headstand, but I think that's how you really add some pepper to a match. It's not just doing moves, but it's how the other guy takes them.
Of course, if you needed any other hint that this feud was far from over, Buddy Murphy came out after and did his best Mido from Ocarina of Time to the back out of either spite, revenge, or roid rage. I'm not sure which is the storyline reason, to be honest. Lince Dorado made the save, and Good Lucha Things vs. Mean Body Guys continues for at least another week. Hopefully Murphy and Nese find another swole-but-small dude for when Gran Metalik gets his visa issues cleared up, because I cannot take this feud if the best wrestler in it once again is reduced to mostly waving around matracas or some shit.
The Brock Lesnar of 205 Live
Speaking overused tropes, hey, it's another contract signing, and one that had the exact same setup as the one they ran on NXT with Kairi Sane and Shayna Baszler the week prior, except the competitors were gender-swapped, and the English guy in the middle was hella younger. Anyway, it wasn't notable except for Drew Gulak calling Cedric Alexander "The Brock Lesnar of 205 Live" which would be funnier if Alexander was as much of a problematic person in real life as... Lesnar... is... oh no.
A Brief but Triumphant Intermission
Some might say that an opener featuring Good Lucha Things, a squash match that serves as some kind of intermission, and a fire main event is a good formula for the show barely anyone in the office cares about. Others might say to shake things up a bit some weeks. Me? Well, I'm just glad I got to see Lio Rush do shit that I pull muscles just thinking about thinking about doing. His match with Ricky Martinez and subsequent backing down from Akira Tozawa was fine character building and feud advancement, but I'm not entirely sure I can say a lot more about it than that, so Titans, roll out.
Not the Best Foot Forward
Brian Kendrick hasn't been in the best straits since his surprising run in the Cruiserweight Classic two years ago, so it's not surprising that a match featuring him, even in the main event, felt flat. That being said, he didn't seem to be the problem in the match. Alexander seemed off, which could have been for any number of reasons. The layout without the real addition of the requisite holy shit spots did it no favors either. It's one thing to do a resthold in the middle of a match when you surround it with big dives or Mustafa Ali doing a superplex off wobbly steel steps in the ring. When most of the match is based off low-impact counters or hard-to-see heeling, then you're going to get a "this is boring" chant.
Of course, it wasn't necessarily deserved. I don't think the match was boring per se. It wasn't a mile-a-minute like the previous week, and for as much as Alexander's babyface offense lacked assertiveness, it was slightly above average and had stuff in it that was worthy of attention. While it was hard to see for three-quarters of the live crowd, Kendrick going under the ring to rope-a-dope Alexander was brilliant. Stuff like that and countering the back elbow into the backslide is the kind of sleazy veteran shit that you can expect from the former Spanky.
But again, as with all the other two matches on the show, it was more about the stuff happening in the periphery. Gulak came out (and actually allowed Kendrick the opportunity to get under the ring), did some commentay, and afterwards, he laid into his SummerSlam target the way one would expect the White dude with anger issues would after his buddy sucker-blasted him with a headbutt. The Gulak/Jack Gallagher beatdown was so bad that Drake Maverick had to come out and threaten Gulak with loss of title opportunity if he continued further, which begged the question. Where was Mustafa Ali or some other babyface? Why did the fuzz have to make the save? Is Alexander disliked now? Will that play into a future heel turn that sets him up vs. Ali down the line? Will I end this column with yet another rhetorical question? Actually no, I won't. 'Til next week, friends!
