The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for July 29, 2019

Did Cassidy put someone in a bodybag this weekend? No, no he didn't.
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Orange Cassidy (Last Week: 3) - Not only did he retain the Independent Wrestling Championship last night, HE PUT A GUY IN THE GROUND. Wait, what you saying, RD Evans isn't dead, he's just retired? Well then, don't I look foolish.

2. YUU (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not to be topped by Maki Itoh, YUU started learning words in English too. As it turns out, YUU IS ANTIFA, BABY!

3. Maki Itoh (Last Week: 7) - However, it's not like Itoh really is lagging in this department. In fact, in what can be considered "a mood," she relays the same feelings I have towards this season, especially since my home air conditioner is broken.

4. Tomohiro Ishii (Last Week: 6) - Ishii split the last two G1 events with Tetsuya Naito (lost) and Juice Robinson (won). Even though Jon Moxley holds the tiebreaker over him, Ishii can still win the bracket if Moxley loses three or more matches and he wins out. Or, what could happen is Ishii could headbutt Gedo so hard he forgets he even has Mox on the roster, and thus Ishii wins by default. In that case, everyone wins! Except Mox, but he's used to it.

5. Kris Statlander (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only is she one of the top wrestlers not signed yet (yet, sad face), but she also brought the Muta Scale to Americanrana, and additionally, got vegan Kimber Lee to violate her principles when she licked Statlander's blood. Gross. I guess that's why Lee lost. No vegan diet? No vegan powers. Didn't anyone learn a lesson from Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World?

6. Officer Magnum (Last Week: 2) - His mommy brought home the Feast Championship Wrestling last night at Americanrana, so you know what that means? MORE TREATS FOR THE GOODEST BOY IN WRESTLING YAY!

7. White Pizza with Spinach (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Everyone loves pizza with the sauce, but what if I told you there's a whole world out there where pizza has oil and garlic instead of the red stuff? It's a gorgeous place with piquant bites and leafy toppings that will leave you speechless to how versatile the noble pie is.

8. Odell Beckham, Jr. (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Beckham has to be happy now that a real quarterback is throwing balls to him. Baker Mayfield may only have one year under his belt, but it's better than the junk Eli Manning was tossing his way, that's for sure.

9. Toru Yano (Last Week: 1) - So what if Yano didn't pick up any points in his last two outings? He's still selling DVDs, and as Kevin Kelly revealed to the world, isn't paying royalties to anyone whose name is on there aside from his. When a ruthless capitalistic corporation does that, it's shitty. However, when Toru Yano does it? It's comedy, baby!

10. Otis Dozovic (Last Week: 10) -