Friday, December 13, 2019

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 284

Boomer shit?
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 280 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

Nah, holiday cards have been a big thing among my millennial-and-younger friends in the Christmas season. They're a good way to show someone you care during the holidays, and for some people, they're an outlet for creativity if they design their own cards. Christmas greetings are never an outdated boomer bullshit thing, unless you're using them as a platform to proselytize that you NEED TO KEEP THE CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS or whatever. THEN you're a goddamn boomer.

Seth Rollins - a phone plan with absolutely no data

Becky Lynch - male revue gift card

The Fiend - a puppy

Chris Jericho - gift card to Texas Roadhouse

Jon Moxley - jorts for the summertime

Kazuchika Okada - jumbo money clip

Jay White - Nair for your face

Tetsuya Naito - beanbag chair

Kota Ibushi - a skateboard

ROH main event - lol, no one in ROH is a top star

LA Park - gift card to Men's Wearhouse

Mayu Iwatani - a gold watch for not taking a WWE contract

WWE failed upwards, doubled back to correct a mistake in time for their biggest show, and then oversaturated the push to the point where people thought it was an intentional dive overboard in the first place. Sound familiar? It's how WWE lucked into every top star they've had in its Vincent Kennedy McMahon history. Lynch was over as hell and they pushed Charlotte Flair over her. She was undeniable, so she was inserted into a hot feud for the slow fall months, and in place of having a main event with no juice at their biggest show of the year for the second (or more accurately, fourth year in a row), they called an audible. I wouldn't even say that Lynch was overexposed on purpose either. It was when they tried making her real life relationship with Seth Rollins/Colby Lopez into an angle is when she went south. OF course, I couldn't tell you what she feels like right now because I'm currently divorced from the WWE product and will be for presumably a long time, but I wouldn't be surprised if WWE couldn't leave well enough alone and ruin an organic main event star.

Protected user @earthdog asks:
You have to reboot three 80's tag team gimmicks with young active wrestlers, which three teams and how to you make the gimmicks fresh?
The Bash Bullies - The Road Warriors as a tag team is an eternal and fresh concept. You take a team of big bruisers, give them a name that isn't the Road Warriors but evokes them, and give them gear and facepaint to seal the deal. I wouldn't go exactly like the Roadies, but man, Mad Max: Fury Road gives some good inspiration for post-apocalyptic gear.

The Future Is Here - Tekno Team 2000 was a decent idea with terrible execution in the era of reductive gimmicks with rock-bottom effort put into them. Honestly, you don't need that much effort to make a new version. Silver tights and wrestling with Google Glass on is just extra enough to denote a hypermodern gimmick but not corny enough that it would doom the team. As for who would be in it? It's a gimmick that could fit any number of wrestlers with modern offenses. I just don't know who yet.

Pavlov Brothers - Jesse and Festus were another teaming that suffered from Vince McMahon's bigoted and stunted brain. I think not treating them seriously and having Festus be brain-damaged instead of just trained for action is the big fault. You take the gimmick, only you have the hammer of the team be pleasant and personable outside of matches, but then the ring bell turns him into a Tazmanian Devil-level tornado of carnage, and the gimmick can be realized without making fun of a marginalized group of people.
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