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| Winner! Photo Credit: NJPW1972.com |
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:
1. Tetsuya Naito (Last Ranking: Not Ranked) - The bastard did it. He upended both his longtime rival Jay "Knife Pervert" White AND his unbeatable archnemesis Kazuchika Okada to become the first wrestler to hold both the IWGP World and Intercontinental Championships simultaneously. And he also did so without ever having to give a fuck about anything. Career Goals.
2. Carson Wentz (Last Ranking: Not Ranked) - He started his first ever playoff game, but before the midway point of the first quarter had ended, he was out of the game with a concussion on a borderline cheapshot from Jadaveon Clowney. From the moment he left the sideline to go into the locker room, the calls started coming out. "Injury prone!" "Soft!" "MY quarterback stayed in after taking a cheap hit to the head!" They were all garbage. Head trauma is still an egg that the NFL hasn't cracked and may never do. And people are out here treating taking a hit, where Clowney launched himself helmet-first into the back of Wentz's head as he was diving to the turf after being tripped up by another Seahawk player, like it's a character flaw or something you can simply brush off.
It was an unfair way to end his season, to be quite honest. The fact that the NBC crew not only did not stop to wonder whether Wentz's injury should've drawn a 15-yard personal foul for unnecessary roughness (and Cris Collinsworth wistfully recalling times when HE got a concussion because someone drove his head, blindside, into the ground) but celebrated Clowney's play the rest of the game with no pause to whether that single action was destructive to another person's health. That cacophony around it only added to the unfairness of Wentz's season ending. It's questionable whether anyone deserves or doesn't deserve to get hurt for playing a sport as violent-by-design as football, but he really didn't deserve people gleefully partaking in an injury that will undoubtedly affect him until his last day on Earth.
But regardless of how the season ended for him, the moxie it took for him not just in the last four games, where he showed everyone who ever said he wasn't clutch was full of shit, but the whole season, was worth celebrating. People don't remember that in the Atlanta game, he threw a dart the instant before his knees touched the ground for a completed pass when the Eagles were neck and neck with the Falcons. He put the ball on Nelson Agholor's hands twice for game winning touchdowns that his worthless ass just straight-up dropped. He heaved a ball downfield to JJ Arcega-Whiteside against Detroit that he straight-up dropped. He went toe-to-toe with Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Dolphins and his defense failed him over and over. Hell, if Zach Ertz held onto the ball right before a missed field goal, there's a better chance they win that game too. Wentz did so much for the Eagles in 2019 that it feels like him having to spend time in the locker room with his wife begging him not to try to go back out on the field as a valiant but overmatched 40-year old backup quarterback tried to win the game is just cruel. I choose not to remember that part of the whole thing. I choose to remember the man who emerged as a leader and who will undoubtedly take the Eagles back to the dance in 2020.
3. Joel Embiid (Last Ranking: 6) - I know celebrating this after waxing wistfully about a guy having to sit out with an injury seems hypocriticial, but Embiid leading the Sixers to victory after gruesomely dislocating his finger last night against the Thunder is, in a word, outstanding. The Sixers needed him to help snap a disappointing skid over the new year. The Thunder, who have surged to playoff prominence in the Western Conference, were a tough out. This win was exactly what the team needed.
4. Maki Itoh (Last Ranking: 2) - Itoh lost the International Princess Championship over the weekend, but it was to Thunder Rosa, who can control people WITH HER MIND. I have no doubts that Itoh can either get the title back the right way or by just flipping Rosa off and making her so mad that she leaves her title at a Longhorn Steakhouse. Wait, do they have Longhorn Steakhouse in Japan? Ah, who cares.
5. Orange Cassidy (Last Ranking: 3) - Pfft, whatever.
6. Minoru Suzuki (Last Ranking: Not Ranked) - Look, it's not every day you get to wrestle the spiritual yang to your yin. Suzuki slapped Jon Moxley, and Mox just smiles and dances? Yeah, they were meant to do violence to each other.
7. Santa Claus (Last Ranking: Not Ranked) - I hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas.
8. Mickey the Dolphin (Last Ranking: Not Ranked) - On my holiday vacation, the family and I went to Balmoral Island in the Bahamas for a day in an excursion to have a "dolphin encounter." Mickey was the dolphin we met, and it was an incredible experience. We learned so much about dolphins and how they live in the ocean. Granted, a "trained" existence must seem brutal for them, but at the same time, if they are treated well and the people keeping them are about the species conservation, they can play important roles in educating people on the importance of maintaining biodiversity here on planet Earth.
9. Sunday Gravy (Last Ranking: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Sure, vacation food is good, but you just like to come home to a nice pot of gravy with ravioli and meatballs, ah madone.
10. Tony Schiavone (Last Ranking: 10) - Wrestling fans, it's a new year, and it's time to celebrate! All Elite Wrestling... well look at that, we're out of time here on The Wrestling Blog! Tune in next week for more Best in the World Rankings!
