There are good announcers in wrestling. Then there are guys like Michael Cole, Taz and Mike Tenay. Regardless of the caliber of announcer, they all say annoying things from time to time, those three saying them in higher frequency than others. Here's a collection of phrases that I wish they'd never speak again. Notice about all of them come from that group of three, with a good number of them coming from Cole:
1. "Vintage"
This has become a sort of calling card for people to mock Cole, and to his credit, he's taken it with good humor and used it to deprecate himself. However, it still doesn't mean I want to hear it. It's vintage suck, Cole.
2. "WWE Universe"
What a trite, patronizing phrase to describe the devoted fans of the WWE. Every time I hear Cole or Josh Matthews or even Jim Ross say it, it dismays me. When I have to hear Bret Hart or Steve Austin say it? Makes me sick that they're forced to utter such an asinine phrase.
3. "Is that so-and-so here in the Impact Zone?"
This has become almost as cliched as "vintage", but it's passed only because TNA isn't seen by as many people as RAW. It's still a running joke. It just makes the announcers look like utter buffoons. I mean, sell the surprise, yeah, but if I have to hear "Is that Charlie Haas here in the Impact Zone?" when he inevitably debuts, I'll throw something at my TV. Announcers are supposed to be knowledgable about the personnel, the schedule. They should mainly be surprised at the happenings on the show. Being surprised that the fucking janitor showed up at the Impact Zone makes you sound bushleague.
4. "Controlled frenzy"
This phrase almost singlehandedly made me hate Kofi Kingston for a few months before he had his awesome turn as a stockcar destroyer, and it was completely not his fault. I want to know if that diptard Cole came up with this phrase or if it was one of the mongoloids in WWE "Creative". Either way, they deserve to be locked in a room and forced to write the definition of the word "oxymoron" 20,000 times.
5. "Up North"
Oh that's cute, an insider reference to WWE headquarters in Stamford, CT. I got 10 bucks that half the marks watching your pathetic show don't even get the reference or only do because they know you're futilely trying to compete with the WWE.
6. "You're watching the longest running episodic show in television history!"
The only thing that made RAW seem more fake and more staged was that stupid countdown clock to the Triple H/Orton Falls Count Anywhere match DURING another active match. Seriously Cole, die.
