This Week in Off-Topic: Call a Cab

CALL ONE, FOOL

Hey, New Year's Eve is coming up soon, and if you're not a lameoid like your favorite wrestling blogger and have places to be Monday night, then good for you. Have a great time. Do whatever your heart tells you to do as long as it doesn't involve felonious behavior or being a dick towards your fellow man. That includes driving drunk. You know how many people are going to be driving drunk, buzzed, or otherwise impaired on New Year's Eve? Way too fucking many, that's how many. People die, innocent people, because others are too stupid, inconsiderate, or arrogant to think they can drive despite having way too many mind-altering substances.

So, here's my PSA to you. If you're going to get even the slightest bit tipsy at a place you don't plan on spending the night, either have a designated driver ready or call a cab. Plain and simple. The money that cabbie gouges you for your ride home is way, way, WAY cheaper than the guilt of living with killing or even injuring anyone, friend or stranger, on your ride home. Not to mention that if we're talking strictly monetary terms, any cab fare would be physically cheaper than body work on a wrecked car, court costs, medical bills, and so on and so forth.

Don't say you don't have a number for a cab either. Here you go, numbers for Yellow Cabs (or comparable services) in every major market in America:

Philadelphia: (215) 333-3333
New York: (800) 609-8731
Los Angeles: (877) 733-3305
Chicago: (312) 829-4222
Houston: (713) 236-1111
Dallas: (214) 426-6262
Ft. Worth: (817) 426-6262
San Francisco Bay: (415) 333-3333
Las Vegas: (702) 873-8012
Phoenix: (480) 888-8888
Detroit: (313) 961-3333
Baltimore: (410) 685-1212
DC: (202) 546-7900
Miami: (305) 633-0503
Austin: (512) 452-9999
San Antonio: (210) 222-2222
Boston: (617) 484-1600
Cleveland: (216) 623-1500
Cincinnati: (513) 821-8294
Columbus: (614) 444-4444
Indianapolis: (317) 487-7777
St. Louis: (314) 993-8294
Kansas City: (816) 471-5000
Denver: (303) 777-7777
Salt Lake City: (801) 521-2100
Seattle: (253) 872-5600
Portland: (503) 973-5555
San Diego: (858) 444-4444
Tucson: (520) 300-0000
Albuquerque: (505) 247-8888
Oklahoma City: (405) 232-6161
New Orleans: (504) 943-2411
Tampa Bay: (813) 253-0121
Atlanta: (678) 613-9809
Charlotte: (704) 334-6666
Hampton Roads: (757) 857-8888
Louisville: (502) 636-5511
Nashville: (615) 256-0101
Memphis: (901) 577-7777
Buffalo: (716) 877-7111
El Paso: (915) 532-9999
Boise: (208) 345-5555
The Twin Cities: (651) 222-4433
Omaha: (402) 292-2222
Milwaukee: (414) 271-1800
Fresno/Central Valley: (559) 275-1234
Orlando: (800) YELLOW CAB
Jacksonville: (904) 260-1111
Toronto: (416) 504-4141
Montreal: (514) 482-3000
Winnipeg: (204) 582-7777
Edmonton: (780) 462-3456
Calgary: (403) 299-9999
Vancouver: (604) 681-1111
Ottawa: (613) 727-0101

If you don't see your home locale here, then go out and Google your local cab services. Take the number with you. Take a cab there and back if you don't wanna leave your car. Just do me a favor. Don't drive impaired. Don't get into a car with someone impaired. Stay alive. I want you to continue reading me into the New Year and beyond.