Thursday, August 15, 2013

Best Coast Bias: Cinco de Augusto

¿El campeon del mundo? Bueno, mas o menos.
Crédito de la Foto: WWE.com
This week's Main Event, by the numbers--

1) Relax, guy.  This was a go-home episode of the C/D/J show days before their second biggest pay-per-view of the year.  Nobody got hurt -- although Cody Rhodes did some awesome arm selling in the opener -- and the WWE Universe unfolds just fine for Sunday.

2) The WWE roster, from top to bottom, is in absolute beast mode.  Imagine taking, say, the 18th best guy on the roster now and putting him against the fourth best guy 1984 has to offer.  Wouldn't that be a blowout?  Not to anger any War Kings, but this was just a perfectly cromulent wrestling hour.  I was about to cross my arms and say impress me even when the undersung Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes were putting on an absolutely unnecessary but still above-average match.  Again, this happened on a go-home show that resides in the trench of not even being in the secondary position.  I enjoyed it while it happened, and by the time you read this, I will probably have forgotten it happened.  You damn kids.  Good matches on TV used to be a miracle.

3) What I said about the Usos being too good for this show still stands.  Even if they've been on every show this month.  It is now to the point where the crowd will chant USO! for no good reason continually during the match, before they can even lock up on their way to their eventual no-duh victory over 3MB.  Again, this is an embarassment of riches--the Usos can't be kept from the titles forever, but the Shield's promos and attacks the past couple of weeks seem to indicate that they've gotten their groove back.  Like those 49ers that had Montana and Young, or Clooney's exes list.  You hit gold sometimes and don't even need to swing the pickaxe.

4) The E stands for Entertainment.  If the big man needs 5, I do too -- he even stays on the covers after making the victims (in this week's case Justin Gabriangel) go SPLUT with the Big Ending.  NXT nation rep to the death!  The one man yet to fall prey to AJ's dark charms was having so much fun this week he was smiling and borderline laughing between backbreakers as he reeled off three in a series, treating a former multi-time tag champ like so much Maddox.  It was like watching Ali pretend to fight Patterson for that first round but longer as the Big man threw out some uranages, belly to bellies, and body avalanches.  Some day that fist will expand, and some day the next number will get him fired up.  And then the Universe will know what I, Stroud, and a few others know already: Big E's awesome, and he's got nowhere to go but up.

5) I'm going to Summerslam and you're not. *crotch chop*