Wednesday, July 17, 2019

The "Best in the World" Can't Even Take a Stunner

Look at how red he is just talking, and  you want me to believe his stunner-botching ass is the best at anything?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you tuned into Smackdown last night to watch Daniel Bryan's "career-altering announcement" only to find that it was another WWE bait-and-switch that saw it interrupted and set up for another tag title shot, well, at least you got to indulge in some McMahon Family Schadenfreude to open the show. Shane McMahon, who way too easily turns bright shades of red from speaking, held a town hall that predictably ended with Kevin Owens attacking him. Owens, who has added the stunner to his arsenal since his return from injury, attempted to give one to McMahon. The results were not befitting someone who has been deemed "Best in the World" by the company his dad owns:

You would think that a dude who spent about three years taking that move from Steve Austin would know not to drop to his knees until Owens at least had the three-quarter facelock on him. Yeah, shit happens, but the problem is McMahon is known for fucking up basic wrestling actions (see his punches that fall about four inches from the target's face while they're still forced to sell), is only in his position because of nepotism, and is called the "Best in the World" as his gimmick.

Of course, he's a heel now (although he wasn't for the first portion of his run with that moniker), so it should follow that it could be an ironic title, a failson gimmick on a guy who totally doesn't deserve his spot but is there because CRONY CAPITALISM, BABY. The problem with assuming WWE is doing this ironically is that one, they think crony capitalism is good and aren't aware enough to play it off as an ironic gimmick, two, it started out as a face gimmick, and three, whenever McMahon has a match, he gets to do what he wants to get himself over, whether it be falling off higher heights than most wrestlers would even think about being cleared for or pretending his Sunday BJJ lessons make him credible enough to play-fight with pro wrestlers doing this every day.

Regardless, while, say, someone even as odious as Dolph Ziggler would and should get the benefit of the doubt on this, McMahon doesn't. He's only back in WWE because it was his safety net after his venture into Chinese telecommunications was a big fat nothing. So now he gets to get blown up after walking to the ring and gets to look like he's about to die every time he goes over three minutes in a match in prominent spots with invulnerability just because of who he is. Meanwhile, Kofi Kingston did the exact same thing McMahon did, fuck up taking a cutter-type maneuver, and it's arguable that he was punished with a decade-long delay in getting to win a top title. When shit happens for an untrained failson, it's okay, but if you do it every day and happen to mess up at an inopportune time, you're done. I guess it helps that Kingston's flub was magnified because Randy Orton had a diaper baby tantrum after the fuck-up, but still, imagine McMahon being in that position. Who do you think would get punished, him or Orton? Thought so.

Either way, him fucking up a move he's taken so many times before SHOULD have Daddy Vince end the experiment that of Son Shane being The Guy on one of the company's brands. It won't, because there's nothing Vince McMahon loves more than putting over his family name. Capitalists believe they, the people with the money, are the supermen, and labor is super expendable, even though if WWE unionized and struck tomorrow, the company would shit a collective brick having to run three hours of RAW with only Undertaker and Triple H filling time. If someone is getting the "advance directly to Go" card because of his last name, he'd best better be good every time out, if not perfect. Taking a stunner like that? Yeah, that is the opposite of cutting muster.
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