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| I voted Quack #1 this week. DEAL WITH IT |
1. Mark Henry (Last week: 1)
2. Triple H (NR)
3. CM Punk (9)
4. Cody Rhodes (3)
5. Awesome Truth (The Miz and R-Truth) (6)
6. Big Show (NR)
7. Alberto Del Rio (2)
8. Christian (NR)
9. Sheamus (4)
10. The Ghan-Am Connection (Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne) (5)
And now, my ballot:
1. Mike Quackenbush
2. Eddie Kingston - I am SO trolling ChikaraFans with these two votes. Now, one might ask, why would I troll a message board that I haven't been to in months, troll people that never really interacted with me and worry about what they think? FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME THAT'S WHY... err, I mean, because it's funny.
3. Cody Rhodes - Seriously, he's missing a pipe organ and a room in the bowels of the arena. Actually, it's funny, because his journey started out as "Dashing", and if he goes full Phantom, he'll be dressing in tuxedos with capes and top hats... so he'll have gone full circle!
4. Mark Henry - We're getting to the point where WWE has run out of confidence to continually book Henry as a super monster, so we get things like Randy Orton RKOing Henry like it's no big deal and what not. In response, I will continue to pretend Henry just slams people through announce tables. They don't even have to be wrestlers. So next week, when he's being "NEVER GIVE UP"'d by John Cena, I'll just imagine him giving the World's Strongest Slam to Cody Ross or Artie Lange or Boutros-Boutros Ghali... Boutros-Boutros Ghali? Is he even still alive? Christ, I'm the one who made the reference and I'm befuddled.
5. CM Punk - I'm ignoring the fact that he was totally Gilligan'd by Triple H in the opening segment because he was so damned entertaining. I wonder if in a former life, he was a shoot King Midas. Or maybe he had another power where everything he touched turned into bacon. Search your feelings, you know bacon > gold. YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.
6. Kana - If I were a crazy stalker type fan, and trust me, I'm not (I SWEAR), I'd go to her hotel room, hold up a boombox and recreate the scene from Say Anything (didn't I just make a similar reference last blog? SOMEBODY STOP ME). But it wouldn't be "In Your Eyes", because it's too soft for a warrior such as Kana. I'd probably end up blasting something more worthy of her aewsomeness, like "Raining Blood" or "Space Unicorn". Yeah. But then again, I'm not a crazy stalker type fan.
7. Sara del Rey - All you need to know about how awesome the Queen of Wrestling is:
8. Team FIST - If Chikara were X-Rated, this team would totally be up for full limb insertion into orifices. Thank God for small favors.
9. Dolph Ziggler - In a just world, Ziggler wouldn't even be wrestling. He'd be a god-king over some primitive tribe in central Canada, one that presided over a mountainous area spanning parts of Alberta, Saskatchewan and Nunavut. They'd subsist on caribou and juniper berries, and Ziggler's second in command would be Catalina White, just to piss off village dunce Jack Swagger. Also, because he likes porn and she's a porn starlet, or at least was in a couple of movies where she got naked. Alas, this world is not just, so Ziggler is left to make awkward Welshmen look good and to walk to the ring with a butterface cougar with a smoking hot body who happens to wear lingerie ringside. (REALLY)
10. The Big Show - Not gonna lie. I put him here because of hypoglycemia because I hadn't eaten in five hours.
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, Chikara and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography
