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| Maybe I have Torres ranked too low... Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Eve Torres - It's amazing what happens when you let someone show some personality other than the popping of one's booty. Even the most dreadful part of her character, the bad dancing that was passed off as good, came back recently in an awesome, totally ironic way. I'm so sorry for ever doubting you, Eve Torres, but you still have some work to do.
Eddie "Eddie Edwards" Edwards - He's a perfectly cromulent indie wrestler, which may sound like damning with faint praise. Then again, if it gets you a chance to make the big bucks overseas while retaining critical mass over here, that's not a bad thing to be at all.
Devastation Corporation - These guys are bad in the ring. Really bad. But their act as being the '80s squash-masters through the Chikara lens is entertaining, even if ironically.
Masada - He made me very uncomfortable when he used the crown of Matthew Palmer's head as a pincushion. Like almost to the point where I wanted to fast-forward through the match. But other than that, he's really good at what he does. Then again, is making people uncomfortable what he really does? That would be so meta it would make my head hurt. Like Matthew Palmer's. I'll stop now.
Low Ki - Whenever he starts going on about how wrestling shouldn't be fun and it should be serious, I want to ram his bald head against the Liberty Bell. But no matter what, when he's in the ring, he's okay, I suppose.
Derrick King - I need to see more of this guy, but what I have seen is pretty spiffy. He's what Shelton Benjamin would be if Shelton Benjamin traded his jumping ability for personality. So he's not like Benjamin at all. The only reason he's down this low is because I haven't seen enough of him yet.
Jon Davis - INDIE HOSS ALERT! INDIE HOSS ALERT!
Barbi Hayden - It's funny, because she's not only legitimately supermodel hot, but she's a legitimately good wrestler.
Luke "Doc" Gallows - In WWE, people were all like "GALLOWS IS AWESOME" and I didn't see it. Then he wrestled random matches against dudes like Kyle Matthews, and I saw it. Hopefully, he won't be wasted by having to wrestle Kurt "HURRRRRRR" Angle all the time in Impact.
Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal - 3MB is such a goddamn silly gimmick, but these guys put their all into it. I guess "see Eve Torres" works as a cross-reference here.
Jerry Lynn - I think a lot of my angst directed towards him was misplaced because ROH put their title on him. He's still legitimately good, even in his 50s with a bad back.
Lloyd Cthulhuwitz - Attorney to the Ancient Old Ones? GOLD, JERRY, GOLD!
Michael Cole - Yeah, I know. He's grating sometimes. But I guess when I saw him genuinely get choked up for Jerry Lawler, and then change his style back to more of a shill, I appreciated him in contrast of his "GONNA HEEL THAT SHIT UP BOYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" shtick he'd been working.
Jay Lethal - I almost feel bad for what ROH is going to do to him. He's a natural babyface. LET HIM IMITATE OLD WRESTLERS AND WRESTLE CLEAN, GAWD.
Colt Cabana - I feel like his well's running dry (or maybe he's just not dropping the bucket deep enough), but his podcast is still essential, and he's still pretty funny.
Hailey Hatred - Like King, I feel like she's only this low because I haven't seen enough of her. I should have put her in the favorites bin just for cheesing over John Thorne with the "WWE SUPERSTAR" sign. Then again, maybe this is just lashing out because she's barely over here in America anymore. COME BACK HAILEY! COME BACK!
Super Dragon - Some of his views on whom he books kinda irk me, but he's still a fine wrestler and character when he's around in PWG.
Caleb Konley - Y'know, if you take him away from that stupid Scene gimmick and the asshole who manages him outside the ring, Konley isn't that bad.
Derrick Bateman - FULL DISCLOSURE: When he finally re-debuts as USA Guy, he's moving up to the favorites bin on principle.
Rich Swann - I dunno, maybe it's because I didn't seek out enough Swann so far this year because he was so entrenched in DGUSA/EVOLVE that he's this low. This seems to be a running theme.
Brian Kendrick - It kinda sucks that he got dumped by Impact Wrestling, but then again, they didn't appreciate him anyway.
Ophidian - Turning rudo and ditching the affiliation with Amasis started out cool, but it kinda fell off a little bit. Still, he's one of the most gifted guys on the Chikara roster.
John Laurinaitis - I miss #PeoplePower.
The Miz - I am so disappointed that Miz as a babyface has tanked so far because he can totally be a good one if, like Brandon Stroud said, spoke up and said "Y'know what, being just like John Cena is probably not a good idea, guys." I can't find it in my heart to drop him any lower though.
Christian York - He's one goofy-looking motherfucker, but I'm strangely drawn to him because he can go, and because I like comeback stories.
The Faces of Fear - They were fun for a weekend, but I'm afraid they're teetering the line between "true hoss" and "false hoss."
Sin Cara - He's gotten a lot better. He's up there with Torres as WWE's most improved wrestler of the year. But he still needs something that'll let him break out better than "guy in mask."
Mercedes Martinez - I still don't gush over her like others seem to do, but she's a terrific foil for LuFisto.
The Midnight Sensations - Their gimmick is so bad that it's endearing. Like, there is nothing about them outside of their eye-wear that screams they're from another planet, but that's what makes them so fun.
TJP - Dude is so good in the ring that I'm willing to overlook the terrible shit I've heard/read/seen from him.
Vickie Guerrero - She's such an effective bad guy mouthpiece, but when she becomes an authority figure, it's like a total 180 without even changing a thing about what makes her her.
Secretary to the Department of the Exchequer Tensai - I kinda feel bad for Tensai, because he never had a chance when all those assholes started chanting "ALBERT! ALBERT!" at him.
Jack Swagger (OF MARS) - He has a beard now, so maybe I've ranked him too low.
ODB - I've come around on her. She's so ridiculous, it's fun.
Jeff Hardy - I could do without the facepaint or the inner monologue, but you'll find far fewer guys who are as enthusiastic about pinballing around the ring as he is. That could be part of his problem, but hey, it's entertaining.
Sean Waltman - I get it, people hate the Randy the Ram speeches after EVERY match. It got old halfway through his speech at Trios LAST YEAR. But it's like he gets in the ring and people start hissing and recoiling, but he's perfectly fine once he's there.
Mark Angel/osetti - Something still feels a bit unnatural to me about him, but there's no denying he has the potential to be like one of the top two or three best professional wrestlers alive once he hits his prime. Hard not to like someone as good as that.
Luke Harper/Brodie Lee - I miss him already from Chikara. Won't WWE stream NXT already?
Gran Akuma - I had to stop following him on social media because he sounded like I did when I was 18 (trust me, I was annoying as fuck), but he's perfectly fine once he enters the arena.
B-Boy - I've seen him described as a cut-rate Homicide before, but I feel like he's a bit more unhinged, and thus way more fun.
Athena - Pro: She's entertaining as all get out in the ring. Con: She ate all the damn cupcakes! I don't care if she won Queen of Queens, she could have saved one and mailed it to me!
Mascarita Dorada - I can only take so much minis action in a year, but when I do, I prefer it to feature Dorada.
The Midwest Militia - In theory, they're an awesome stable, and I love everything about the trappings of it, especially following Jessicka Havok on Twitter. But again, I think I need to see more to temper that opinion.
Cliff Compton - I get annoyed at his constant shilling and posturing, but then when he yells "TIME TO DIE, MOTHERFUCKER" in the ring, I forget all about it.
Kimber Lee - Quite the find, she is. A bit rough around the edges, but I think she's a welcome sight on any card.
Richie Steamboat - Comparing him against his father really isn't fair because his father is kinda on a shortlist for the best professional wrestler of all-time. He's fine and good, but I feel like he needs a bit more seasoning.
Kalamity - I feel weird about having her in this bin because she's the perfect sort of characterization combined with ass-kicking credibility, but like her nickname - The Oncoming Storm - suggests, she's kind of a raincloud, which dampens the mood a bit. I dunno.
Ayako Hamada - She might be the most technically gifted wrestler in the world.
CM Punk - I know, BLASPHEMY! PUNK SHOULD BE YOUR FAVORITE! Yeah, well one, I hate groupthink. Two, Punk on Twitter has gone from "Mad at Oz" cool to "company man" annoying in a matter of a year. Three, there's nothing more frustrating than a guy who has the potential to be great who clearly phones it in. If it's the material? He should elevate it, or here's an example, use your fucking influence to get it changed. I see him come out on Smackdown last night and brutally eviscerate a crowd, and I wonder "Where was this Punk in February when he was calling Laurinaitis gay?"
Don't get me wrong, I still like Punk and want him to be the man in WWE, but if he's going to be a weaksauce version of himself that's too watered down by the John Cena Kool-Aid, then no, you can go away. That's harsh. I know. But we've gotta be harsh with the ones we love, right?
John Cena - Speaking of Cena, how do I have him here and not in the lower bin when he's basically a worse, more American version of Sheamus? Well, I can't explain it except for the fact that Cena's highs this year have generally been higher than his Big Gold Belted counterpart. I guess it's more of a reaction to criticisms he doesn't deserve, but then again, those criticisms have become more and more warranted over the year, haven't they? I don't know. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome.
The rest of this MASSIVE bin after the jump:
2 Cold Scorpio
Addy Starr
Aeroform
AJ Lee
AJ Styles
Alex Shelley
Allison Danger
Angel Blue
Arik Cannon
assailANT
Awesome Andy
Ayumi Kurihara
Azrieal
Bandido
Big E. Langston
BJ Whitmer
Bolt Brady
Brock Lesnar
Brodus Clay
Brother Devon
Candice LaRae
Caprice Coleman
Cedric Alexander
Cheerleader Melissa
Cherry Bomb
Chris Sabin
Christian Able and Josh Raymond
Christina von Eerie
Cody Rhodes
Colin Delaney
Corey Hollis
Curtis Hawkins
Da Soul Touchaz
Daffney
Dan Maff
Darin Childs
Darin Corbin
Darius Carter
Darkness Crabtree
David Otunga
Delirious
Demolition
deviANT
Doug Williams
Ebessan
Famous B
Fire and Soldier Ants
Fit Finlay
Francis Kipland Stevens
Frankie Tucker
Gabby Gilbert
Grizzly Redwood
Harry Smith
Hiroyo Matsumoto
Irish Airborne
J. Miller
Jaka/Johnny Mangue
Jake “The Snake” Roberts
James Storm
Jeremy Wyatt
Jessica James
Jessie McKay
Jimmy Jacobs
Jimmy Rave
Jimmy Susumu
Joey Ryan
John Thorne
Johnny Cockstrong
Johnny Curtis
Johnny Gargano
Jolly Roger and Lance Steel
Justin Gabriel
Kane
Kaori Yoneyama
Kekoa the Flyin’ Hawaiian
Kenny Omega
Kentucky Buffet
Khris Wolfe
Kid Kash
Killa Kash
Kyle O’Reilly
Los Ice Creams
Lost Boys
Luscious Latasha
Madison Rayne
Magnus
Marti Belle
Masaaki Mochizuki
Mena Libra
Mia Yim
Michael Elgin
Michael McGillicutty
Mickie James
Mickie Knuckles
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis
Mike Posey
Monsta Mac
Naruki Doi
Nattie Neidhart
Nick Talent
PAC
Paige
Philly’s Most Wanted
Ray Rosas
Rey Mysterio
Rick Victor
Ricky Reyes
Ricochet
Roderick Strong
Roman Reigns
Ryan Taylor
Sam Shaw
Samuray del Sol
Santino Marella
Saturyne
Scorpio Sky
Scot Summers
Scott Steiner
Serenity
Shawn Vexx
Slim Sexy
Su Yung
Super Smash Bros.
Sweet Saraya Knight
Tadasuke
Taeler Hendrix
Taka Suzuki
Tako Yakida
Tamina Snuka
TD Thomas
Ted DiBiase, Jr.
The Rock
The Shard
Tim Donst
Tomasso Ciampa
Tomoka Nakagawa
Tony Nese
Tyler Reks
Tyson Kidd
Undertaker
Vader
Velvet Sky
Yoshi Tatsu
Youthinazia
Zema Ion
