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| The last great ruse to be pulled in wrestling Art via Comics Vine |
1. Samus Aran
No, I don't think it should be a space-adventuring bounty hunter in metal armor. Rather, the story of Samus Aran from the original Metroid game is that you were under the impression you'd be playing as a man. The game, particularly a challenge for the NES system, had a secret that didn't reveal itself until the grueling end, where after defeating Mother Brain, Samus was revealed to be a woman.
Of course, gender confusion isn't a huge deal in video games (although at the time, Samus became the first real female protagonist in an action-adventure game). However, in wrestling? It's the last great work left to pull off. It also would end the debate on whether women could compete with the men if a woman could successfully pose as a man, rise to the top, and then after winning the World Championship, reveal herself. Forget the gender implications. It would be an incredible story, although the unintended circumstance would be a wave of transphobia. Still, I think the impact of the story would make this an angle worth executing.
2. The Guy Who's Torturing Theon Greyjoy in the Game of Thrones Television Series
For those who've read ahead in the Song of Fire and Ice books, you know this guy's name. In the interest of not spoiling anything, however minor, for the sensitive crowd, let's just leave his identity as the "dude who's making Theon's life a living Hell." Basically, he's a sick, sadistic sociopath who gets his jollies off on torturing people. Of course, cutting off appendages would be a bit risque for even the most hardcore of promotions, but as a wrestler who preferred to torment his or her foes as an endgame rather than winning titles or even matches, that character port works. This character's proclivity towards torture has a distinct mental component, and that's where I'd play him up hardest. However, the physical stuff? Yeah, that gets ramped up too, both subtly (lots of DQ losses, stretching of five counts, that sort of thing) and grotesquely in post-match beatdowns and hardcore matches. Some wrestlers claim to want to hurt guys rather than win. This guy, well, he would own that credo and live by it.
3. Chuck Bartowski
He's the titular character from the quirky cult TV show Chuck, an eccentric nerd who works for a Best Buy-type store's tech support department. One day, he accidentally gets a mental program embedded in his brain that allows him to store all kinds of info in his brain to be recalled with external stimuli. Later on, this "Intersect" program is upgraded to allow him to do martial arts when put into a corner. In the world of professional wrestling, where characters like Festus and, I don't know, THE GODDAMN UNDERTAKER exist, a character based heavily off Chuck Bartowski would work in a heavenly manner.
4. Charlie Kelly
Sub-literate, drug-addled, quirkily creative ultra-stalker? I don't trust WWE to pull this character off, but there are more promotions than WWE. He'd be total comic relief, of course, but the world of It's Always Sunny is so absurd that it belongs in a pro wrestling universe. I mean, why else would their wrestling-themed episode be one of their best? Bonus best choice for any of the gang's grappling personae - the Birds of War, the Trash Man, or the Talibum.
5. Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg
Honestly, any of the characters from The Fifth Element would work here. It's such an absurdly colorful movie with characters in a pro wrestling vein. In fact, if there's any movie that might make wrestling seem tame, it's this one. I went with Zorg, Gary Oldman's fantastic main antagonist, because it's so funny to see a fashion mogul who talks like a Southern preacher with the violent nihilism of the love child of Tank Girl and Nietzsche. Imagine his rise to the top. If you can't, then it's because you've never seen The Fifth Element which means go watch it now.
6. Rorschach
WWE loves its antiheroes. However, their idea of an antihero is just a dude who does what he wants, rules be damned. Rorschach is one of the best antiheroes in literature, comic or otherwise (if you don't think Watchmen is literature, then we have a fundamental disagreement of what literature is) because in his heart, he is an actual hero. He fights for what's right, not for what he wants. What makes him an antihero is that his credo is essentially that the ends justify the means, no matter how ruthless those means are. I want to see how a true type of character in this archetype plays out in WWE (even though I get the sinking suspicion that Bret Hart had a little bit of Rorschach in him during the new Hart Foundation days in '96-'97).
