Monday, March 31, 2014

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, March 31

Bryan laying down the law on the bus
Photo Credit:
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - Bryan showed he's the best in the world by not showing up to RAW the week after he got murked to infinity. Proper rest and convalescence is important before a big title match. Also, he said something about a bus on Total Divas last night? I dunno, ask Trey about that.

2. Athena (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only did she hand Athena her first clean loss in AIW in over two years yesterday, she unlocked the cheat code and attained INFINITE SWAG. Listen people, I don't make the rules here.

3. AJ Lee (Last Week: 3) - Now, why do I keep ranking AJ Lee this high despite the fact that WWE doesn't give her much of a platform to prove said ranking? Fuck you, that's why.

4. Candice LeRae (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yeah, she didn't defeat Adam Cole for the PWG World Championship last week, but I get the feeling that when she accepted Joey Ryan's proposal to win the Tag Championships will be even more smashing.

5. Terry Funk (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The man is three months from turning 70 and wrestling in TLC matches against deranged montherfuckers in England. He is more of a human being than all of us will ever be.

6. Mark Henry (Last Week: 6) - If Mark Henry doesn't win the Andre Battle Royale, I have it on good authority that he'll eat a Volkswagen Beetle.

7. Aaron Harrison (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Harrison not only hit the dagger to send Kentucky to the Final Four, he was so cool that he made a team coached by John Calipari, a guy who makes Eric Bischoff seem not shady in comparison, rootable.

8. Prince Devitt (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Okay, maybe Devitt's dedicated to this body art thing he's got going.

9. Taco Bell Breakfast Menu (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I haven't eaten it yet, but apparently, the reviews have been rave. Of course, maybe I should stop hanging around stoners all the time, but at least they're getting breakfast food before going to bed for the afternoon.

10. Sara del Rey (Last Week: 10) - SARA DEL REY FACT: The latest earthquake in California reminded her to put another 30 cases of gum in her emergency bunker for when the Yellowstone Supervolcano finally blows.