Monday, May 12, 2014

Best Coast Bias: Contendership³

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Whoever is responsible for the water at RAW, Smackdown, and the Artists Formerly Known As Pay-Per-Views should be fired tout suite. It's clearly dangerous and unsafe, and the sooner it's destroyed the better for humanity. Once this is done, the most grateful member of the roster will undoubtedly be Triple H; when the lights are on brightest he's a power-hungry suit who can't quite accept that his time has come and gone but in NXT he is a man who listens to the people and gives them what they want without fuss or fervor.

So if you're wondering who the new #1 contender is to the NXT Championship is...well, so is everybody else, so we're all on the same level here.  As any longtime fan of the pro graps will tell you, while battle royales are usually a fine way to determine a new challenger to the throne, occasionally there can be a wrench in the machine when it comes to the end.  In this case NXT made history, and there isn't a single dispute on offer here but a triangle of one; thus next week's main event will be contested between Tyler Breeze, Tyson Kidd and Sami Zayn with the winner getting Adrian Neville at NXT Takeover come month's end.  Somehow Oliver Grey and Mason Ryan both failed to win this, and besides that actually not much of note happened besides the crowd riding hard for Yoshi Tatsu and being pissed to the nth when Bo Dallas bounced him in a round of tosses that included the aforementioned Ryan and Big Cass amongst them.

No sooner had he clinched a spot in the final four when Tyson tossed him to the crowd's adulation, thus causing the end game where both Zayn and Kidd were barely hanging on by skinning the cat.  When Breeze lined Kidd over the top his momentum went with him in that direction as well (a similar thing happened earlier when Xavier Woods had taken himself and Camacho out, so this was a nice subtle callback to something that'd just happened) and Sami failed to hang on.  Every man called himself the winner, everybody shoved everybody else, and as this happened the crowd was already where the narrative wanted to go, loudly chanting for the triple threat before Triple H got there as well as once he did and another round when he prompted them to.  The best thing about these men being in it is when it comes to the Takeover match the NXT fan can't lose no matter who wins.

Breeze has been on a winning streak that's bolstered a tougher edge to the pretty boy and provides a usual face/heel matchup, but between two guys at cruiserweight size who can fly around the ring as well as mix it up with holds.  You get the same thing with the suddenly resurgent Kidd, and of course anybody who finds their way to TWB/NXT doesn't need an overview of the C.V. that Sami brings to the table.  When Triple H said the Full Sailians knew what was best for business he wasn't Tyson Kidding.  (Apologies.)

Also concluding at the next big NXT event is the Women's Championship tournament, so you can now welcome to the semifinals rookie Charlotte and the debuting Alexa Bliss.  If you'd like to know what Alexa Bliss' hook is, imagine the girl from Frozen and Tinkerbell had a child.  This isn't a slight in the least: Aiden English is just a wrestling Valjean, as Breeze is a wrestling Zoolander and Bayley's a wrestling anime fangirl.  Everybody's gotta have their something.  Fortunately for Bliss she was in-ring with the measuring stick of the division as a whole, Alicia Fox.  If you can't have a good match with Foxy, simply put you can't have a good match. William Regal would attest that to be true.  Here Bliss did a fine job of getting beaten down and suffering through the swankest tilt-a-whirl backbreaker this side of Alberto Del Rio and the Best Northern Lights Suplex in the Business before the 61 inch newcomer pulled off a tilt-a-whirl into a modified small package FTW.  She's going to have a tougher time in the next round against the ostensible leader of the BFFs.

Charlotte beating Emma wasn't exactly a surprise, and it still leaves the superawesome prospect of BFF on BFF violence on tap for the finals.  (It probably won't happen, but a person can dream.)  Most importantly, Charlotte beat the Australian clean in the middle of the ring with her old modified rollup Web, thus marking consecutive wins over Emma and Paige in two different ways clean in the middle of the ring.  You'd think they were building her up for a title or something!  And truth be told, Emma deserved to lose for whipping out the She Cobra.  There's a time and place for that sort of thing, and it's [redacted] [redacted] [super redacted].  (Ed. note: the lizard brain has been fired.)

Lastly, NXT's tag division got another influx of new blood as Kalisto made his debut alongside El Local to take on the Legionnaires.  If you guessed the latter has Sylvester Leforet and is Outrageously French, gold star for you!  For the first time ever the NXT fans let down their fans, as they failed to chant TOO SOON! at a match between France and Mexico during the week of Cinco de Mayo.  The Artist Formerly Known As Tensai knew about it, you guys.  Just saying.  Local took the heat, as you might expect, and Leforet's rookie partner Marcus Lois (pronounced Louie because, you know, France) slowly took his first steps as a NXT employee.  Really, this was all just the window dressing to watch Kalisto kick out the jams, and kick them out he did, culminating in a sweet sweet sweetback bad-ass luchador's song of a handspring enzuigiri on Sly to get the duke for the masked men.  The crowd is already fired up to chant lucha when Kalisto's doing fun stuff like springboard corkscrews and Sliced Bread the Thirds; now we just need them to count to ten in Spanish when the punching in the corner is happening and a better grasp of world history and the true meaning of holidays.

NXT Takeover isn't one (so far) but considering the slow slimmer for the singles titles and sudden possible viable options to go in against the Ascension, it looks to be a reason for celebration nevertheless.