Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Best Coast Bias: Is Everybody In?

Some nice foreshadowing as Bray watches the Rigonuku Driver
Photo Credit:
The Internet, like the world it spawned from, can be an illogical, horrifying place full of terrors sure to ruin the psyche and evaporate the soul.  One must put up barriers to keep oneself intact, as a wise man once said.

Ergo, it's been several years since seeing whatever latest atrocity is on the other end of those WARNING and WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T CLICK ON THIS LINK clickbait that floatsams and jetsams into the stream of tubes from time to time.  Why not take people's word for it?  Won't you be better off heeding that advise?  You don't get need to get shot in the face to know it sucks, or contract food poisoning to realize what a criminally underrated miracle good health is.

In a related note, on Main Event the Usos bragged about being crazy and Sheamus was itching for a fight before Main Event's main event against the Wyatt Family, and they lost.  If a WWE babyface ever learned anything, it'd be a teachable moment to glean something from their sudden loss -- bears are for mocking during football season and not for poking.  In a fun two-segger they had more than a fighting chance against the swamp people, and proved it by literally fighting.

Yet as the past few years have shown, while the Wyatts are now WWE's predominant unit when it comes to trifectas, golden as the United States and Tag Team Champions are they're still a singles competitor plus a tag team; thus, per usual the magic number was destined to win out.  It may've taken nearly 20 minutes to do so, but it did.  Most notably, the match seemed to be more a teaser for the tag title bout at MITB than the one for the Unified Title, as the Usos, Rowan, and Harper carried the bulk of the match's weight with Bray falling into his usual pattern of opportunistically picking his spots and limiting his time.  It was this character aspect that closed out the show; when's the last time you saw somebody take a tag from a partner in need and immediately hit the floor?  But here Bray did since the Usos were more focused on eliminating Rowan on the floor with one of their trademark suicide dives.  That succeeded as much as any Pyrrhic victory does, as Jimmy running to do the same led him right into the ripcord version of Sister Abigail.  Talk about picking your spot to the decimal.  In a juster world, all the lights when the NXT grads entered would be justified by a clean sweep at the Network special so people could learn what real horror is and not this corporate-sponsored subsidy of fear that's been holding sway for the better part of a year with really a two-night exemption.

There'd be more than a little fine comeuppance in our main man D-Bry right there upending the reign of terror of his (admittedly short-term) allies, since only he has managed to get inside the head of the monster and make it spit him out by force.   There's even the matter of evening a series that's currently at one.  But that would need a healthier man, and the sort of person who needs to have a Championship in order to help make their point rather than nimbly getting it across themselves through silver-tongued savagery.

That was exactly the way the hour began, as Seth Rollins showed up not only to rub his newfound corporate imprimatur in our faces, but to drop some information: apparently the Authority feels the way about Money in the Bank matches the way Rob Base and E Z Rock felt about life.  Once he waded through the obligatory seas of You Sold Out chants it'd be known that in addition to the big match which you'll probably be able to talk about online with hashtag all the titles, there'd be a traditional MITB match for contendership.  And like Orton before him, Rollins got a free gift entrance into it.  Of course, Orton's free passage is the most logical bit of heeldom in some time; having been gifted the WWE belt at SummerSlam, he didn't pin or submit come WrestleMania - you know, as opposed to two other Certain Someboodies - and never got a proper rematch.  Rollins' getting his card punched looked like the quid pro quo of three weeks ago, though that pimp's payoff couldn't save him from Dean Ambrose showing up and getting all-too-brief moments of checking his ring size against his former buddy's face, and not even Kane could make the save fast enough or last enough.

Santino didn't last enough against Rusev, for that matter.  He went down to defeat in the time it took you to read this sentence.  What was a surprise over its ceasing to be was Paige's win streak, ended cleanly at the hands of Naomi.  There's nothing more telling than a crowd flipping on a dime from chanting for Mr. Lee in absentia to the applause garnered by a double dropkick and double nipup combo platter.  While Cameron got flirty with the dark side on Monday night and ended up tapping out to the Divas Champion, Naomi stayed Lawful Good and looked good doing it.  Between her bow and arrow/reverse surfboard hybrid, a nice Steamboat press off the top, and rolling through into a perfect back bridge she was winning on points before she won officially with the Final Cut of the Nightmare on Helms Street.  Cameron was more psyched than Tony Stark at an open bar, and shoved Paige out of the way of a handshake attempt to hug her partner.

That having happened, Paige went after her as Naomi stood by idly, her face the dictionary definition of "welp, this is awkward".  She shook Paige's hand and left, right into the wake of a partner literally distancing herself from her as she feebly asked "What do you want me to do?"  It was an easy moment of empathy: sometimes people around you start fights and expect you to finish them without a stake in the proceedings but don't want to take any of the licks they've caused rather than a couple of shots.  Yet this reticence didn't play as well as it might've, considering as Paige celebrated in-ring with the title, having somehow vaulted over the basement of division and the woman she just beat--insert Chris Rock's OJ riff here with Cameron's wobbly alignment.

Like her employ at large around her, having tried something different to shake things up and it failing, it's thought a new look might be the saving grace that'll bring a new day forward where the failures are merely the inspiration for greater heights.  Yet she shouldn't get too despondent if she fails.  If you're smart enough to drown the old and bathe yourself in the waters of renewal, you can get support. You can affect rebirth.  And you can be right in line for a shot at the power and influence gold can provide.

There's more than one way to get the whole damn world in your hands.