Wednesday, June 11, 2014

This Week in Off-Topic: The World Cup for World Domination

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Starting Thursday June 12th is the World Cup. Great, what does that mean? A lot in the grand scheme of things. It will show how there are many other countries in the world better at football (Soccer for us in the U.S.) and Americans will be fans of it for a month or however long their favorite teams stays competitive. There are people from many of the countries playing living here in the States. Sacrilege, right...not cheering for ‘Murica, what are these people thinking? Home is where the heart is after all, not always where the body ends up.

How can you make sporting events like the World Cup, Olympics and Tour de France more interesting to everyone rather than their niche of fans? Have the overall winner take control of World Domination. Imagine the PPV buys, the merchandising, the “real” patriotism each country would receive. This would be better than a war, well in theory no one would die, but we know “shit happens” from time to time. There may be 2 or 3 hundred random, but associated deaths involved with a spectacle like this. Less than a war and no more than any average soccer game from any of the major football leagues.

It would have to be built up however, like a good angle/storyline. A yearly event like the Tour de France, Giro and Vuelta (Tours of Italy and Spain, they just wanna be different and fancy) wouldn’t mean total domination, maybe and we still have to work out the rules, but maybe they can take over another country if they win. Giving them better odds of winning going into the bigger events. Picture this, Williamsport, PA on a lovely sunny weekend afternoon. Teams have played hard throughout the tournament and it comes down to the team representing the USA and Taiwan in the Little League World Series. Today, young Billy Smith is pitching to take over Uruguay, where his opponent is pitching for control of the pressure Billy, do your best, we all get trophies in the end. It’s just one of the trophies will say 2nd place and the other will be a country.

It would also eliminate calling winners of the Super Bowl and all the other big sports in ‘Murica, “World Champions,” because come on...who did you really beat the Houston Astros, Jacksonville Jaguars, Cleveland Cavaliers? You could get a pick up team together and beat those teams. The only league coming close to a World Champion is the NHL, because they have more than one team in Canada (which is really just an extension of the Midwest, and everyone is nice in the Midwest), so that doesn’t even count. Also, no one watches hockey on TV, unless it’s the Olympics.

It’s just a way to balance out the power in the world as we know it. Everyone is up in arms over bullying, so why not try to make it a bully free world by having equal competition for high stakes. Maybe the Cote d'Ivoire (I don’t know where that is, but it sounds lovely) could be a huge Cinderella, underdog and every other sport cliche you’ve ever heard and take over the world, for just a moment. I wonder what they’d do...