Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Dispatches from the Lake: Oh, Sheamus Still Exists

Great to have you back, fella!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I had completely forgotten about Sheamus before he showed up in the second match on Superstars. He did vanish there for a minute, didn’t he? Say what you will about the pasty lug, but I thoroughly enjoy him in the ring. Even if I’m not as big a fan when he’s doing his best WWE face impression.

But on to the show kicking off with our first match, Cameron versus Emma. Hey! Emma’s back too! I haven’t seen her around since the Wal*Mart incident, so it was awesome to see her in the ring. I wish it had been against a better opponent, but I’ll take what I can get. I’m really digging Cameron’s character and mannerisms, but her wrestling is a hot circle of garbage. I just can’t get into it. I did enjoy her going for the Cattle Mutilation on Emma, but that just made me miss Daniel Bryan. Other highlight? The commentary team referring to Emma’s corner splash as the Emma-mite Sandwich. I hadn’t smiled that wide in a hot minute.

Before the Sheamus versus Titus O’Neil match, we got some back stage goodness with team Slater Gator. Heath Slater sneaked up on O’Neil and started tickling him, causing O’Neil to spill lemonade all over his sweet old school ‘RAW is War’ shirt. He was very perturbed that it was lemonade. Slater playing Dwight Shrute to O’Neil’s Michael Scott is making me exceptionally happy.

This led into the HOSS FEST, and I think I ended up liking this more than I thought. On Superstars, O’Neil tends to look crazy bored, but since the advent of Slater Gator, he seems more engaged. This match was just about seven minutes of two big dudes hucking each other around the ring. Sheamus ended up winning, to the shock and surprise of no one, but it was a fun little match.

Recaps and Punishment

A few quick thoughts, since we’re already into the next Raw cycle. Superstars touched on all the matches coming up this Sunday, but the Brie Bella versus Stephanie McMahon and John Cena versus Brock Lesnar matches got the most play.

McMahon and Triple H decimating the Bellas was outstanding. I’m a bit worried for Brie Bella, though. If she can’t get out from behind a table pressed right up to her chair, I don’t think she can win a match against McMahon. Girl, seriously. She should have just stayed sitting. Her standing up and leaning over the table made that look terrible, but the segment as a whole was rad, so no biggie.

The Cena and Lesnar talking head videos have been on point too. I really love that Lesnar will only talk when he wants to. Paul Heyman does it for him most of the time, but when he’s got something to say, he’ll come out from behind the advocate. His message is simple, so you don’t need to hear it all the time. Love it, though you could tell he wanted to say piss instead of urine. He stopped himself, but you could tell he wanted to.

On the other hand, Cena’s “I’m here every night” talking point pissed me off at first, but I get what he’s trying to say. It works in the context of the story. I still want Lesnar to destroy him, but I understand where he's coming from. I just hope that whenever he goes through with the Hogan turn, whoever he feuds with brings this stuff up.

Random Thoughts
  • Rosa Mendes is on Total Divas this season? I didn’t realize she still had a job.
  • Renee Young hit all my sweet spots with her '90s references. I kind of want to be her best friend.
  • WWE has been on point with hyping SummerSlam. It’s annoying the hell out of me. These people clearly have talent, but they are lazy as shit. They should be building to an awesome PPV, but why the hell can’t we get this effort 100% of the time? Why does the world need to be crumbling around them for any effort to be put into the product?
  • Has anyone seen Oculus? Is it worth a watch?
  • Young had a weird comment during the show about how the more a wrestler wins, the more money they earn. What?
  • I still do not understand how WWE figures out number one contenders. The "whole beat the champ, then earn a title shot" thing still leaves me slack jawed and baffled.