Dispatches from the Lake: Total Divas in a Show on the E! Network

The good stuff, right here
Photo Credit: WWE.com

I really need something to give with the commentary on these shows. Call me crazy, but I always thought that the commentary existed to enhance the match. And while Renee Young and Tom Philips are fine, but they don’t add anything to the matches. All they do here is talk about Total Divas. Now, I understand that both these matches involved people from that show, but there’s other stuff going on here. Call the match. It’s not that hard.

With that out of the way, on to the matches!

First up, Summer Rae with Layla took on Emma. I’ll give you three guesses as to how this ended, and the first two don’t count. It was a very slow, very boring, by the numbers match one that illustrates why you shouldn’t watch Superstars. Both of these women can do so much better than they showed here. If you’ve seen them in NXT, then you know this to be true. I still maintain that the women’s wrestling is a ton better than it was a few years ago, but come on. You’ve got an hour to fill on Superstars each week. Cut out a few of the commercials, and give them more than a few minutes. Oh, and a proper finish instead of the WWE Commemorative Diva’s Distraction Roll Up would be nice too.

Second match of the evening was Sin Cara against Tyson Kidd with Natalya.

This is why you should watch Superstars. Every now and again, they’re going to throw something solid our way for watching the shows no one cares about each week. Seek this one out. Two things that annoyed me were the constant Total Divas talk, and there was a commercial in the middle of the match. I say thing every week, but what the hell is a commercial doing in the middle of a match on the Network that you own?

Kidd pulled out the win with a little ‘inadvertent’ assistance from Natalya and a Swinging Fisherman Suplex. I really hope Natalya’s accidently getting in the way of Kidd’s opponents is revealed to be on purpose. I want a douchebag power couple in the WWE yesterday. Bottom line, watch this match. I really think you’ll like it.

The Dark Recaps Return

• IED afflicted Randy Orton is the best Randy Orton. I like my Orton unhinged and completely bonkers. I hope we get more of the madness in the coming months. I just hope they keep him Chaotic Neutral. Face Orton is the pits, and so is his powder blue shirt.
• Frustrated Manager Triple H is kind of great too. That look he gets on his face when something goes wrong is just outstanding.
• I’m really pissed we didn’t get the Dean Ambrose and Cesaro match. Cesaro’s a beast in the ring, so having him cower at getting hit with a microphone made me a bit nuts.
• While I am jazzed for Bray Wyatt and Ambrose, I still think how we got there was stupid. Looking forward to the matches, though.
• The less said about John Cena as number one contender, the better. His whole ‘man who runs the place’ schtick needs to be leading somewhere, though I realize it totally won’t.
• The Authority’s talking points re: Cena versus Brock Lensar would make a lot more sense if Cena got spanked at Night of Champions like he did at Summerslam, but he basically had that match won. He lost because of Seth Rollins, current Authority golden boy. Sense making, WWE. That’s all I ask.

BONUS ROUND!

This weeks's quote from Monday Night War that pissed me off, from Vince McMahon:

It’s knowing what you’re doing. And having the passion to do it. To understand that if we have good storylines you have to have good characters. It’s all about giving the right environment for those talents to grow.

I swear to god, they’re trying to kill me with this show…