Thursday, August 27, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 135

What is Stephanie McMahon's role?
Photo Credit:
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Ignorance and hypocrisy are hallmarks of heel behavior, so I'd say it's a little bit of both. Still, the action is infuriating because like the Bella Twins in said Divas "revolution," Stephanie McMahon and Triple H do terrible jobs of picking an alignment and sticking with it on the main roster. In NXT, they're great as the proud parents of the WWE's in-house project that could, but on the main roster, are they supposed to be Jack Tunney or Vince McMahon? I'm not a fan of haranguing over alignments if the characters are strong, but their characters right now are even less established than the main women in this top angle, and that's a huge problem.

He's had several outstanding incarnations. I didn't get to see much of his "FIVE" character in NXT, but if that's his baseline, it's a fine ground level to have for someone of his size, ability, and charisma. I wish he'd done more with his Team Rocket character, but I feel that's more WWE's fault than anything, although it did produce this all-time interview backstage. But he's been on a whole other plane as a member of the New Day. That stable has been the high water mark for all three members, and I don't ever want it to go away. It's clearly the best work he's done, and I don't think he's even scratched the surface yet.

All of them, actually. WWE has the roster to be having tournaments every month without the genre going stale on them. Of all of them, the most desired one is probably a NXT version of the G1, not nearly the size and scope of what New Japan does, but something that could take up some real estate on the Network and help showcase guys who have the reputations (Samoa Joe, Hideo Itami) or who could use a little more seasoning (Bull Dempsey, Solomon Crowe). Set it up with two groups of six guys apiece, even include some low-card guys from the main roster to fill it out and give it some pizzazz. The winner gets a guaranteed shot at the NXT Championship either at a Takeover event or even on a main roster pay-per-view.

The favorite at this point has to be Roman Reigns again. He's clearly the next dude, and he's the fetch Vince McMahon wants to make happen so badly. Other than him, Brock Lesnar is always a threat to win. Darkhorse candidates include Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins, especially if the WWE Championship match is tied to The Shield in a three-way match. Other than those choices, I don't see very many plausible candidates to win. Of course, I'd love to see someone like Cesaro or Kevin Owens or even one of the New Day guys like Big E take the prize, but at that point, it's all wishful fantasy booking.

1. The Young Bucks - Stock answer, obviously

2. Demolition - Technically, Ax and Smash don't work for WWE, and at least in 2012, they weren't too embarrassing in the ring. Seeing them in action in a WWE ring ahead of a possible Hall of Fame induction next year would be so awesome.

3. The Osirian Portal - A Chikara gimmick might seem too silly even for NXT, but then again, the Ascension ran roughshod with darkly-intoned Egyptian imagery. Bringing in the Portal to counterbalance that with fun and brightness would be astounding. Plus, Full Sail would eat them up.

4. Akira Tozawa and Ricochet - Just so the NXT world can be introduced to the widest possible Apollo Crews smile in history.

5. The Hooligans (US) - The Cutter Brothers bringing their dynamic, kinetic style under the guise of bearded Juggalo hillbilly HOSSES to NXT even for one match would be worth the price of the Network for that month.

Would it be highly inappropriate if I said Vienna sausages? It probably would.

In all seriousness, Rollins is a crossfit fanatic, so his pizza would have to be "clean." So, the crust would be made of brown rice flour with organic tomato sauce and a sparing amount of organic fresh mozzarella. It would also be topped with kale, olive oil, and lean chicken. It doesn't sound all that exotic or "foodie" friendly, but I bet it would taste decent, especially if you do that whole clean eating thing, I suppose.
I can't go through the entire tournament, but I picture the finals coming down to the Devastation Corporation and the Nightmare Warriors. A straight rudo/rudo match in the finals might seem weird, but the DevCorp are unbeatable monsters in trios, and the Warriors have Hallowicked, the Grand Champion. Plus, the story with Silver Ant losing more and more of his sanity to Nazmaldun would unfold more over the weekend as he starts to act more and more like his partners and less like his old, honorable self. When the Warriors win, Frightmare and Hallowicked invite Silver Ant to join them completely, which draws out Worker Ant and Fire Ant, who don't want to see yet another brother irretrievably lost to dark forces. When it comes time to choose, Silver goes back to his Colony brothers, which causes a brawl that they come out on top of. That would take the Ants vs. the Pumpkins into the finale, where Silver may or may not win the Grand Championship before finally settling the Soldier Ant issue with the BDK in Season 16.

Or I could be wrong and Dasher's Dugout could win the whole thing. Who knows.

Nah, Rollins gets Weavile. They hav a similar color scheme, and Rollins seems to be more of a Dark-type than Electric-type anyway. Ryback is obviously Machoke, although I wouldn't be surprised if he sprouts two more arms someday and becomes a shoot-Machamp. Nikki Bella is probably a Medicham in that the stats aren't all that impressive, but she packs quite the punch regardless. Xavier Woods is a certified chatterbox, so he's Chatot. Since Ryback's already in the Machop family, I'm going to put Big E in the other Fighting-type line with big muscles and make him Conkeldurr. Kofi Kingston loves to jump, and Hitmonlee's signature move is Hi Jump Kick, so that's his pairing.

And just for fun, Finn Bálor in Demon Forme is Spiritomb, although he should then need to watch out for NXT's obvious Fairy-type queen, Alexa Bliss. Bayley is the toughest comp. She has the build of a Sawk, but her skillset is more in line with Throh. She can be an amalgamation of both. Aiden English is Wigglytuff, and Simon Gotch is also seemingly a wrestler who can fit in the Machop-line. However, I will give him Lucario because my brain is running out of proper Pokemon comparisons right now.

It's hard to love anyone in that stable other than The Shark.

To be honest, I don't cook chicken all that often when I (rarely) cook anymore, and whenever the Mrs. makes it, it's usually of the boneless, skinless variety. However, the one time she made fried chicken, she soaked it in buttermilk before breading and frying it. She also made Cap'n Crunch coated chicken breast last week, which was phenomenal.

But the one time I did cook chicken, it was boneless, skinless in the crock pot with a bunch of tomatoes, peppers, and other Mexican stuff to put on tacos for lunch the next day. It came out pretty good except I didn't put enough salt in it. But yeah, I go beef and pork over chicken any day.

It absolutely should be Lex Luger if he can actually walk under his own power. He's been confined to a wheelchair in the past, but I'm not sure if that's the case right now or not. If Luger isn't physically able to do it, then Ric Flair should be the one to plunge the knife in. It's a boring choice, but it also makes sense given their history in World Championship Wrestling.

Philly Voice sets the over/under at 11.5 games. I know betting on a guy who has been hurt the last two years is a fool's errand, but I'm taking the over. I have a good feeling about the offensive line, especially since Jason Peters is the best tackle in the league right now. I also think that with the Eagles' receiving corps, he won't be holding onto the ball long enough to get sacked over and over. I'm feeling very optimistic this year.

Combine Bray Wyatt's magnetic charisma with Roderick Strong's in-ring ability, and you'll have someone unfuckwithable going forward.

I'm not going to be earning bonus points here sadly, because Tyler Breeze needs to not to be calling the Queen of the Ring an uggo. Anyway, after Sasha Banks gets her rematch and loses to Bayley, she needs to go on a tour of beating all the top women that both NXT and WWE have to offer. She takes out Charlotte again, Becky Lynch again, Naomi, Nikki Bella, Nattie Neidhart, and anyone else who steps to the plate. After clean-sweeping them, she announces that she's taken out everyone, and no one can step to her. Everyone expects Bayley to come out, but nope, Sara del Rey enters the arena and lets her know she hasn't yet taken out her mentor (note to randos who want to dispute how much of a shoot mentor del Rey has been in NXT... fuck off, this is an angle). Boom.

The more I think about it, the more I think Rollins holds onto the title until Mania, and if that happens, Roman Reigns definitely is the guy to take it from him. WWE has delayed that satisfaction way too long, and while Reigns will never be Daniel Bryan-at-WrestleMania XXX over, he has the potential to be John Cena over, especially with the way he's been rehabbed.

I'm against it for the same reasons why Wyatt's been screwed up since being called up and for the same reasons why someone is going to end up being a corporeal Sister Abigail. WWE doesn't get how to do a spooky mentally-controlling character like Wyatt. He should be transforming his opponents, changing them at their roots. Instead, he's just a dude with parlor tricks. Sister Abigail should be referenced as legend, not seen or heard, but because WWE's writers and most importantly, Vince McMahon don't get things like "subtlety," someone is going to end up playing the role of Sister Abigail on camera. But I've given up on WWE doing right by characters that aren't easy pro wrestling archetypes, so whatever.

No. Any good piece of media ought to make you feel vicariously worried when its protagonists are in danger, and as referenced through his sporadic appearances throughout the series, Bill Cipher isn't exactly underpowered or benevolent. A reckoning is going to be at hand with Ford's work, Gideon's machinations, and everything in that sideways world that the journals have detailed. I get the feeling some major shit is going to go down, and if you're invested in the main characters (Dipper, Mabel, Grunkle Stan), well, you're going to be wincing a bit, because all the foreshadowing towards this final reckoning has been apocalyptic in nature.