Friday, April 28, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

This week on World of Sport!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Nikki Cross: (sans music while the announcers are making show introductions, essentially clanking two glasses together) Ruuuuuuuby!  Come out and playay!
Ruby: Don't have to ask me twice.
Both: slide into the ring at the same time and start throwing hands
Full Sailors: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fiawww BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Referees: break it up..ish
Nikki: takes down a security guard as collateral damage, resumes brawling
Ruby: also resumes brawling 
Full Sailors: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fiawww BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Referees: actually separate them this time
Full Sailors: Let them fight!  Let them fight!  Let them fight!  Let them fight! 

Bobby Roode: All last week proved was that Hideo Itami is a coward who isn't smart enough to realize this is my nXt now.  He wants a shot at my glorious championship?  He'd better earn it.
 
Cien: Calmate, gringo.  Calmate.  Mas tranquilo.  Por ejemplo.  relaxes in the ropes
Drew: Strong point there.  Counterargument?  BOOT,  chops on the outside
Cien: No me gusta.  pulls McIntyre into the steps ¡Es bueno! dragon backbreaker, running slap
Drew: NOT amused
Cien: Como se dice EEP?
Drew: rights, tilt-a-whirl slam, Claymore
Referee: Winner!
Cien: Screw this.  I'm hitting the club with some honeys.

Master Regal: I'm sure we can end the ugliness the show exhibited in the opening by having a standard wrestling match betwixt Ms. Cross and Ms. Riot.

Tearduct #1: It's quiet.
Tearduct #2: Yes.  A little too quiet, if you ask m... God's Production Team, what are you doing here?
God's Production Team: Staying undefeated.  Roll the footage!



God's Production Team: Merry Christmas, Frankie Angel.

Kona Reeves: licks the back of his hands a lot Hey, maybe I have a chance here.
Aleister Black: enters
Ron Howard (V.O.): It turned out that Kona had no chance.
Black: forearm shots,  front kicks to the chest, CROCOP shot, ROUNDHOUSE
Referee: Winner!
Black: sits in the middle of the ring placidly, as is his wont

Ruby: Here's the thing--I get where SAnitY's coming from.  Look at me.  Clearly I don't conform to the norm.  But here's the thing, SAnitY just wants everyone to conform to how they are or be copies of them, and I ain't nobody's Xerox.  Now if you'll excuse me, random interviewer woman, I'm going to head out for my match and certainly nothing bad will happen to me before it even starts.
Nikki: I think we can all agree this was almost too easy for me, right?  jumps her from behind, pummeling commences
Ruby: Cute.  Retort?  headbutt, gouge
Full Sailors: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fiawww BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Referees: break it up..ish
Ruby: lays out a security guard and does the Steamboat press OFF the ramp, taking a ref down with Nikki
Referees: actually separate them this time

Master Regal: Next week, Asuka...
Asuka: barely paying attention
Master Regal: ...there'll be a battle royale...
Asuka: mouths "battle royale?" exaggeratedly a couple of times
Master Regal: ...and the winner will be the number one contender to face you next month at Takeover: Chicago
Asuka: semi scoffs and saunters off
Certain Recappers: turn into the Meryl Streep meme

Jack Gallagher: is gentlemanly
Tyler Bate: is WWEUK champion, about as gentlemanly
Both: shake hands
Full Sail (singing): harmonizing Tyler Tyler Bate TYLER BATE TYLER TYLER BATE harmonizing Tyler Tyler Bate TYLER BATE TYLER TYLER BATE
Gallagher: successfully out chain wrestles Bate for 13:25 of a 14-minute match, still loses
William III: WTF
Bate: rolling koppu kick, Tyler Driver '97
Referee: Winner!  
Gallagher: Drat.
Trent Seven: applauds from ringside
Wolfgang: applauds from ringside
Mark Andrews: applauds from ringside
Pete Dunne: sneers amongst them