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| Pretend Owens is Lacy for a second Photo Credit: WWE.com |
Recaps on Recaps on Recaps
This was not a hugely enjoyable episode of Smackdown. I realize that the show just before a pay-per-view is going to be recap heavy because they want to make sure everyone's up to speed, but they've just been repeating basically the same segments for weeks now. We're all caught up, I promise! But no, we had to sit through a recap of the last couple weeks of Jinder Mahal's comedy set (now missing the racial stuff because what started as a somewhat clever idea quickly devolved into just hurling racist statements into the atmosphere and now we're supposed to pretend none of it ever happened), then a repeat of last week's segment with Shinsuke Nakamura pretty easily taking out Mahal and the Singh Brothers, then a repeat of every build to a Mahal match so far with the three of them ganging up on Nakamura. And then later in the night Mahal recapped the whole thing for us. Thanks?
Two things, Smackdown. One, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Two, If you're going to stick with the same old thing, at least trust your audience to keep track of it.
Women's Division Weirdness
I still think it's weird to make your champion tag (not to mention COEXIST) with the Money in the Bank contract holder, but, as I've said before, this is what happens when your division consists of six people and they have to tag according to alignment, and I'd certainly rather see Carmella in the ring than Tamina. But what really struck me as odd this week was that commentary tried to put focus on Becky Lynch without there being any real pay-off. They mentioned that she was the odd one out in the match with no hope of getting the title any time soon, but that wasn't borne out by anything Lynch was doing. There didn't seem to be any tension between her and Charlotte Flair, as the two of them were as adorable together as ever. As much as I like them as friends I'll be happy if they do end up competing for the championship, but I'd like to see a little more groundwork.
Frankly, Natalya's reign can't come to an end soon enough with her delivering lines like “Oh, so he's a MALE dog...and that means YOU'RE a FEMALE dog...you know what THAT means.” Like, that shit is bad enough without her terrible delivery on top of it. Also, warning Carmella not to cash in or “you'll be sorry?” Not exactly a withering threat.
Entrance Envy
Ugh, I can't believe I finally have to talk about the Dolph Ziggler thing, but since a match (a brief bout between Bobby Roode and Mike Kanellis) finally tied into his nonsense, I guess I should. It's like WWE saw all my comments about how Ziggler ruins everything and figured they'd show me just how much he could ruin things. The show comes to a screeching halt every time he appears. There's minimal audience reaction, in response to which he just screams louder, as though volume is the problem. The “you all just like entrances but I'm the best wrestler and you don't even care” bit is as fucking terrible as it is nonsensical, too. It might be slightly tolerable if it was being framed in a way that made it clear that Ziggler is full of shit, but he's playing it completely straight. I'm still not on board the Bobby Roode train but I want him to gloriously DDT Ziggler off of Smackdown forever.
That being said, Roode really needs to work on his rebuttals. “Oh, you think my entrance is all I've got? Well, what if I...did my entrance again?!” Uh, yeah, you sure showed him.
Fashion Files Fakeout
We definitely needed time for the multiple Nakamura/Mahal recaps, the McMahon/Owens recaps, and Dolph Ziggler's terrible shtick but not for the return of Fashion Files? You promised me they would be back this week, Smackdown! You couldn't even keep ONE promise? I'll never trust you again!
Damn Millennials
Tye Dillinger and Baron Corbin faced each other again this week, with the only differences being that AJ Styles watched from backstage and Dillinger pulled off a win. Again, it was a pretty fun, if short, match, and I expected Dillinger's win to lead to him being added to the United States Championship match at Hell in a Cell, but NOPE. Instead he was quickly forgotten while Styles lectured Corbin about things that haven't been part of his story at all up to this point. Before, the idea was that he would take cheap shots, but now apparently Corbin is always throwing tantrums and not taking responsibility for his failures and being handed opportunities he can't capitalize on. I expected him to call Corbin entitled and coddled to boot. Just...what was this? Yeah, Corbin gets mad, but not to a more extreme degree than every other adult on this show. I don't think he's ever blamed other people extensively for his losses. And he may keep saying that he wants matches, but Daniel Bryan is the one who ostensibly okays them. More wrestling and less talking from AJ “kids these days” Styles, please. I would like to stop taking Baron Corbin's side.
FRIENDSHIP
Aiden English set out to defend Rusev's honour and avenge the untimely interruption of Rusev Day last week because he is a good friend. Randy Orton is still just an asshole. That's seriously his only motivation here. Raining on parades and humiliating people who already don't have a tiny fraction of the clout he has. Just like a couple of weeks ago, it was nice to see English get a bit of offence in, but it ended as we all knew it would. Rusev's thousand-yard stare in the background as English was RKOed exactly mirrored mine. Why does this keep happening? Why is Randy Orton still here? Why can't Rusev and Aiden English have nice things? Will the power of friendship ever prevail?
10 Things I Hate About Shane McMahon
My loathing of Shane McMahon is becoming pathological. He just appears on the screen and I get so mad, so here's my ever increasing list of reasons why.
1. What started as Kevin Owens being understandably frustrated with his shitty boss but expressing those frustrations inappropriately has been reframed as Shane McMahon avenging his family and making it all about him.
2. His casual Friday at the office wardrobe. “I wear jeans and dress shirts! I'm not like a regular boss, I'm a cool boss!” Fuck off.
3. His condescending Dad voice.
4. Trying to goad Kevin Owens into the ring solely so that he could beat Owens up and calling him a coward for being too smart to put himself in the way of his boss' tiny baby punches again. Because it's not enough that he has the opportunity to “beat him beyond recognition” on Sunday; he needs to hurt him beforehand, too. Like, McMahon wasn't even hiding that that was his motivation, but Owens is still supposed to be the asshole here.
5. Following Owens up into the arena like an idiot (again, because he wants to hurt Owens outside of their sanctioned match) and commentary spinning it like Owens had “lured” him out. But they DON'T mention that Shane was the one trying to lure Owens into the ring with the intention of throwing hands when they were just supposed to be having a face-to-face chat. They constantly have to reframe things so that McMahon doesn't look like an asshole.
6. Talking down to Sami Zayn when Zayn tried to warn him about what Owens is like when he snaps. McMahon just brushed Zayn off and basically told him to know his role and shut his mouth. Yeah, actual wrestler who has good reason to get involved here! Go back to that nothing you've got going on! Middle-Aged McNonwrestler has some spotlight to hog and he can't do that if you keep butting in with your likability and just...ability in general.
This means Zayn is definitely going to throw in with Owens, right? Please?
7. His tough-guy Rorschach talk about how he wouldn't be trapped in the cell with Owens...Owens would be trapped in there with HIM. Sure thing, dude.
8. Making the Hell in a Cell match also a Falls Count Anywhere match. Other people have already pointed out that that pretty much gives away that they're going to be fighting out of the cell, but it also once again takes the spotlight away from Owens and makes this match about McMahon. It was originally Owens who wanted the cell so that McMahon couldn't escape him; now McMahon has stolen that narrative and flipped it.
9. Saying that Kevin Owens “disparaged and disrespected” his children. Uh, no. No he didn't.
10. Commentary hammering home that McMahon is “fueled by emotion” so that's why it's okay that he's now obsessed with hurting Kevin Owens because Owens mentioned his children one time and also head-butted the most enduring villain in WWE history. But, again, it's NOT okay for Owens to act out of emotion when Shane interferes in his matches and Vince insults him to his face.
I feel slightly better for getting that all out. Anyway, see you all after Hell in the Cell. Or Hell in a Cell. Pick whichever article you like better! Consistency is for chumps!
