Friday, April 20, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Johnny, you cheeseball
Photo Credit:
Reign In Power, Bruno

Definitely Not Lloyd Braun In Voiceover Form: Last Week on the Leftovers: Kairi Sane made the pre-show great again by hitting THE Elbow on Lacey Evans, and Heavy Machinery and Tino Sabotelli and Riddick Moss got taken out by the War Machine Raiders.

The Garganos: come out to raucous applause
Johnny: (off mic but to the camera) I've got goosebumps.  Look!  (shows them)
Full Sailors: Welcome back!  Johnny Wrestling!
Johnny: Going into New Orleans, I dreamt of this moment and the goosebumps it's giving me right now.  It''s really good to be home.  I was defined by Tomasso for too long...
Full Sailors: BOOO!
Johnny:'ll happen when your best friend stabs you in the back, breaks your heart, costs you a championship and then a career.
Full Sailors: BOOO!
Johnny: Hell, I couldn't even say his name for the longest, I was so haunted.  But after 37 grueling minutes I've got my life back and I'm back where I belong!
Full Sailors: Johnny Wrestling!
Johnny: I'm back in NXT.
Full Sailors: HUZZAH!
Johnny: Thanks to you guys for always having my back, shoving those signs in Tomasshole's face and chanting for me.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  But I have to shoutout someone even more important.
Full Sailors: Candice!  Candice!  Candice!
Johnny: The past few months have been tough on us both...
Full Sailors: AWWWW!
Johnny: But I couldn't've done it without you.  I love you so much.  they hug
Full Sailors: applaud
Johnny: Enough mushy crap!  I'm back, and Johnny Wrestling and Candice Wrestling have some unfinished business.
Candice: Tonight I go one on one against Zelina Vega.
Johnny: If Cien tries it, I'll drop him like his name was Ciampa. And once they're put in our rearview, I couldn't help but notice there's a new you're looking at his first challenger.  I'm Johnny Wrestling, and we are NXT! spikes the mic

Killian: In New Orleans...they took my chance to make history.  But I'll take everything from Lars tonight.  No help.  Tonight, I bring the chaos to him alone.

Young Me: comes out
Full Sailors: Ricochet!  Ricochet!
Fabian Aichner: You know, I beat Johnny Gargano once.
Tumbleweed: rolls through arena
Aichner: sigh
Riochet: 619 I picked up from somewhere!  Springboard Eurocut!  Standing SSP!  630 splash!
Referee: Winner!
Ricochet: (to Kayla post-match on the ramp) My Full Sail debut feels great.  I ain't mad at it.  Lots of stars made their names here — Bayley, Sami Zayn, Seth Rollins — but it's my turn now to show why I'm The One And Only.  Buy the shirt (once it's out)!

Lars Sullivan: Tonight, I unmake a human being with these very hands.  Whatever I imagine will manifest, and everyone will see why I'm a real life freak of nature.

War Machine: comes out
Victims, Inexplicably In Deuce and Domino Cosplay: are super doomed
War Machine: splut splat GORSH
Somebody From The Crowd: Somebody stop the damn match!
War Machine: stops it with their Fallout finisher
Referee: Winners! 

Shayna Baszler: I'm late for a meeting.  Whatevs.  blows off Coach Serena Deeb and takes it over by taking down Ember's tag and putting a Queen of Spades card in its place Things are different now.  You either get in line — behind me — or get out.
Women's Locker Room: seethes
Dakota Kai: stands up I need some water.  leaves
Shayna: That's right.

Killian: Forearms!  Whip into the steps!  Tope!
Lars: NOPE!  drives him into the post Suplex on the floor!  Crossfaces!
Full Sailors: respectful applause
Lars: German suplex!  Flying lariat suicida!
Mauro: what the how the is that a thing
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Lars: Diving headbutt!
Killian: Kickout! Fuck this nosebleed:  Shotgun dropkick!  Forearms!  Wasteland!  Senton!  Vader Bomb!
Lars: Kickout!
Killian: Divide through the table I set up in the corner!
Lars: Caught!  Front slam!
Referee: One!
Killian: Kickout!  Bike kick!  As I was saying, Divide through the table I set up in the corner!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Killian: sets up a chair assisted Coast to Coast
Lars: Chair to the gut!  And the back! Freak Accident into some chairs! 
Referee: Winner!
Lars: looks dazed for a while, then joyous This is Lars Sullivan territory!
Killian: looks dazed and slightly bloodied, hanging on to the ring apron for support
SmackDown: ahahahaha and then what? ;) 

Candice: comes out for the main
Zelina: follows, smacktalks, shoves C after the bell
Candice: shoves harder Gutbuster!
Cien: on the apron out of nowhere Es muy malo!
Zelina: Hairpull throwdown!
Johnny: marches out indignant
Zelina: Modified dragon sleeper!  Corner basement Meteora!
Candice: Kickout!  Missile dropkick!  Around the world Gargano Escape!
Cien: tries it
Johnny: Warned you.  Around the world Gargano Escape!
Cien: is tapping
Zelina: is tapping
SmackDown: heyyyy
Referee: Winner!
Full Sailors: Candice!  Candice!
Johnny: First of all: that was awesome.
Full Sailors: We concur and will chant accordingly!
Johnny: Second is what I promised earlier — I'm challenging Aleister Black for the NXT Championship!
Incendiary Literally The Moment After He Says That: No man is ever truly GOOD!  No man is ever truly E VIL!
Aleister Black: comes out onto the ramp with the Big X on his shoulder You want it?  Then next week you shall have it.
A Telegraph Suddenly Surging To Life In The Basement: T O M A S