Friday, May 4, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

♬ That's how you know you fucked up ♬
Photo Credit:
You Know Who: Here's the thing about us in the Era. We're not just fighters, not just champions, but givers.  I made Oney Lorcan famous last week.  "Who did Adam Cole"
Everybody, Even You: BAY BAY!
Cole: "beat in his first defense of the North American title?"  He should tell his kids, his grandkids, at least in his pathetic career, he got beat by me.
Kyle O'Reilly: LOL at Danny Burch running down for the quote-unquote save.  He got what he deserved.
Robert Pescado, Esq.: I'll let rehab know we'll be sending them more people.
Roderick Strong, Totally Disrupting the CFO Logo: I'm soooo sad for my old Best Friend Fivever Pete Dunne except the opposite of everything I just said.  He thought New Orleans was bad?  That's going to pale in comparison to tonight.
Cole: Adam Cole here, reminding you nerds once again we are untouchable — unstoppable  and undisputed.

Kairi Sane: comes out to a big pop
Shazza McKenzie: comes out to a decent pop, tries to share her heart with Kairi
Kairi: throws it up to share with the crowd Do you know what Gorsh means in Japanese?
Kairi: Give it a few seconds.
Shazza: ...oh, no.
Kairi: Double chops!  Interceptor!  Corner sliding K!  Kabuki elbow!  Alabama Slam!
Mauro Ranallo: Tokyo Slam!
Kairi: Even better!  Insane Elbow~!
Referee: Winner!
Lacey Evans: I am definitely out here as a lady to apologize and sure aren't going to punch you in the face!
Full Sailors: applaud
Kairi: uhhh
Full Sailors: chant No! D-Bry style
Full Sailors: BOOO!
Kairi: ow
Shazza: ...oh, you're like "ow"

The Lovely Cathy Kelley: Candice, do you have an update on Johnny's condition?
The Saddened Candice LeRae: It hasn't been an easy year.  It started off so well. I got signed and Johnny had his title match, and we — I ——it was beyond best friend, he was like a brother. Why is he doing this?  I thought we thought we were done with this.  crying My husband left on a stretcher last week, and for what?  cries some more I... I have to go get ready for my match.  leaves

Street Profits: come out to a pop
TM61: also come out to a pop
Mauro: Both teams need a win here.
Montez: Spin heel kick!  Dropkick the Aussies!
TM61: Back suplex ^ Eddy style slingshot senton bomb combo!  Standing moonsault and fisdrop combo!
Full Sailors: chant for both teams
Hot Tags: are served
Shane: rolls up Montez, then puts his feet on the ropes
Nick: sees this, then helps hold them down
Everybody But The Referee Because That's How This Works: HEY!
Referee: Winners!
Profits: But they...
TM61: smirk the smirk of the re-established black hatters

God's Production Team: video package to set up War Raiders/Heavy Machinery next week

The Lovely Cathy Kelley: Kassius, we saw you help with Johnny last week.  What are your thoughts on the situation?
KO1.0: I've known Johnny over ten years.  I know what kind of person he is and what Ciampa's become — an opportunistic coward.  Johnny's like family so when I saw him look absolutely helpless I knew despite all evidence to the contrary that I was the man to make Tomasshole feel that same way come next week.

Kona Reeves: comes out more orange than Fearless Leader's dandruff, beats on an NPC I'm the Finest!  I'm Kona Reeves!
Full Sailors: ...uh, okay
Reeves: Gutwrench suplex!  Trust fall second rope elbow!  Modified Samoan drop!
Referee: Winner!
Full Sailors: ...uh, okay

Dakota Kai, Earlier Today: The women's revolution just gets stronger.  Ember and, as much as I hate to admit it, the Double Eye Conics open up new opportunities in our division, and I want to make my mark.
Reporter: Any comment on your run ins with the NXT World Women's Champion Shayna Baszler?
Kai, Changing Dramatically: I Do Not Want To Talk About Shayna.  DO.  NOT.
Vanessa Borne: Look at this pathetic, sad scaredy cat.  If Shayna tried that with me I'd slap the bitch out of her.
Bald, African-American Reporter: But you said it, though.  You said bitch?
Kai: I'm not afraid of you.  I can take you on.

Candice: comes out somewhat listlessly, barely remembering to smile
Bianca: comes out with her usual swagger Yeah, this ain't gonna end up well for you.  Beating ensues!  Deadlift press into a Snake Eyes!
Everybody Ever, Even You: holy shit that's a thing wtf
Bianca: Torture Rack!
Candice: shiiit I need to fight back.  Forearms!  Chops!  Missile dropkick!  Tornado DDT!
Bianca: yeahno.  Alley Oop!
Referee: Winner!

Strong: swags out with a dope new jacket, his new belt, and his new backup
Bell: rings
Dunne: rings Roddy's bell with a hard forearm So YOUR life is forfeit.  Pummelling!
Roddy: Counter dropkick to a dive!  Backbreaker into the apron!  GUNSHOT chop!  Backplex backbreaker!
Pete: Counter X-Plex!
Full Sailors: Bruiserweight!  Bruiserweight!
Pete: Step up Owenzuigiri!  Second rope flying stomp to the arm!
Roddy: GEEEEYOD THAT SUCKED tosses Pete to the floor out of desperation
the Era: Look at us not getting involved!
Roddy: Knee Trembler on the way back in!  Butterfly backbreaker!  Second rope Angle Slam!
Pete: Kickout!  See that picture?
Roddy: What pic—oh, noooo JESUS H VISHNU I NEED THOSE FOR LIFE
Pete: Corner beatdown!  Snap German!  Penalty enzui kick!  BITTER BLOODY END!
the Era: Look at us getting involved!
Referee: Disqualification!  The guy getting his ass kicked is the winner!
Danny Burch and Oney Lorcan: We're here for porkin' — uh, running in for the save!
Pete Dunne: recovers enough to help them clear the ring
the Era: look shocked and appalled, but hold up their belts on the way to retreat